Solutions
by Criminal-Twilight-Minds
Summary: Just went things began to look up, they fell back down again...and again...and again. Emily finds herself struggling immensely throughout several problems, although she beat them all, until a new issue arises that she just can't speak of, and her shame is too deep for her to stay with her family. They try their hardest to make her stay, but there was never a chance of that.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So it's been a while but I've began another story - mostly Prentiss/Morgan based - with the whole team. Let me know how you like it. **

**Prentiss' POV. The timeline may be a bit out of whack.**

**-A xx**

We had gotten back from a long case this afternoon; we were all exhausted and in terrible moods, so we decided to get a few quick drinks to calm down before we went home. Morgan was the first to leave, much to everyone's surprise, but the rest of us only had two more drinks before we headed to our separate lives. Hotch and JJ were eager to get home to their children, Rossi had invited Garcia, Reid, and I to go have a few more drinks and dinner at his place; he didn't particularly like being alone after a case like this. Normally I would go without hesitation to comfort and distract him, maybe even stay the night if I can tell that he's predominantly beat up, but tonight I already had different plans. Garcia and Reid agreed to go, but I declined politely.

"And what do you have planned, missy?" Garcia asked me in front of the team, raising her eyebrows.

"Rest." I replied immediately.

"No, you're meeting a _boy_." JJ smirked.

"Oh, you have a _boyfriend_, you have a _boyfriend_." Garcia sung teasingly. JJ and Reid laughed quietly, Hotch and Rossi just looked at me, waiting for my behaviour to tell them something that my voice wouldn't.

"I do not have a boyfriend, but I _am_ going to get laid, so I'll see you all Monday." I smiled and winked at them before walking to my car quickly.

Rossi whistled and I heard JJ yell out "you go girl" as I clicked the small button and my car beeped to signal that it unlocked. I got in and let out a breath as I pulled down the visor in front of me and looked at myself in the mirror. I ran my fingers under my eyes to catch the few small specks of eyeliner or mascara that may have settled there, and then I let my hair down and reached into my go-bag in the back to grab my hairbrush out. I brushed it out quickly and threw the brush back behind me as I roughed it up slightly so it didn't sit so flat. I sprayed perfume on my wrists and in my hair. I waited until I saw all members of the team leave before I pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards his place.

I stopped outside and looked at myself once more in the rear-view mirror before I stepped out with my handbag and locked my car. I walked up to the house that I had visited many times before and knocked quietly on the door, looking around the porch as I waited. He opened the door quickly, "I was wondering when you'd show up." He stepped out of the way and motioned for me to come in. I put my bag down in the living room where our routine would usually start. We'd talk for a while, first about light things, and then if there was anything that was bothering us, but we never spoke more than a half hour before we got down and dirty. Sometimes it was on the couch, a few times it was in the kitchen across the hall, and sometimes we'd head upstairs to the bedroom or bathroom.

I sat down as he met me with two filled wine glasses. I thanked him quietly and sipped at the red wine as he sat beside me. "So how are you?"

"Look, my day was shit like it always is lately, your day was shit like it always is lately, and work was extremely tough, so can we just get to it?" I put my wine glass down on the table and looked back at him. He nodded, although looked a little disappointed, and placed his down too. "Here or somewhere else?" I asked him quietly.

He replied by kissing me roughly and pushing me back to lie down on the couch. I always let him take control, partly because it was always what he needed to do and partly because it was always what I _didn't_ need to do. Even after cases like this, control was a thing I never needed to feel.

My hands went straight to his belt as he left hot kisses and bites down my neck. His hand caught both of mine and he looked at me, "Let me take your mind off it a bit first." He spoke in a low and husky voice and my core began to heat up even more as his hands trailed down my body gently and slowly, followed by the rest of him. He pulled me down until I was on the very edge of the open-end couch, and I closed my eyes as he worked so wonderfully.

"Fuck, Derek." I moaned his name breathlessly. I struggled not to writhe beneath him.

* * *

I woke up early and slid out from beside him quietly. I looked around for my clothes before remembering that our first of two rounds occurred in the living room. I found one of his shirts and threw it on before walking to the door. "Wait." I heard him say quietly. I stopped and cursed to myself for not being quiet enough, and I turned slowly.

"Did I wake you?"

"No, I was already awake. Please stay?"

"…Why?" I questioned as I walked back to the bed slowly.

"Because that case was terrible and I don't want to be alone right now." He opened his eyes and looked at me. I could see the desperation then; he was really distraught. Normally I would have resisted and said no, I would have gone home and told myself whatever I could to stop any feelings from catching on. That was our rule and it had been for months; as much sex as we wanted, but it was a strict "no feelings" zone, and we had to stay as professional as we used to at work. No sex on cases, not even talking about it or hinting to it on a case. He was too upset for me to leave this morning, however, so I gave in and returned to my side of the bed, although I stayed above the covers. "You stayed last night. You hardly ever stay."

"I didn't think that the two glasses of wine we drank in between on top of the previous drinks would allow for much driving." I explained. He hummed in agreement, clearly still tired, and he pulled the blanket it one swift movement out from underneath me, and then again to lay it over me. "…Morgan."

"Relax." He kissed my neck softly.

"I didn't let you talk about it last night and you clearly need to," I tried to push him away as he continued down my neck, "Morgan, stop." He sighed and rolled onto his back. I lay on my side and propped myself up onto my elbow. "Talk."

He looked at me for a few seconds before sighing again, "You know what happened when I was a kid. The case, what those kids had to go through before he killed them, it just brought back a lot of bad memories."

I tilted my head slightly and put my other hand on his cheek to make him look at me, "You won, Derek. He can't hurt you anymore."

"Yeah, but there was a lot of suffering before I won." He said quietly. I didn't know how to reply, I wasn't used to consoling him; he had never come to me about his personal problems like this before, only work-related ones that didn't have anything to do with his past. I lowered my head slowly, giving him every chance to push me away, and I placed a gentle kiss on his lips. I pulled back afterwards and he groaned in complaint before he pushed me to lay back and he shifted above me. His lips latched onto my neck again, right on the pulse point, and began to suck. He bit every so often and licked to sooth the area before he sucked in the same spot over and over again.

I laughed to myself and pushed him away after quite a while and at least two hickey's, "Okay, you know how easy my skin bruises and how long it takes to go away; I don't need to be wearing hickey's around the precinct."

"Well you've got three." He said quietly before pressing several consecutive kisses on my lips. He went to sit back up then, but I put my hand on the back of his neck and pulled his lips back to mine. "Oh, okay princess." He smirked and spoke between kisses.

"Shut up." I laughed as I flipped him over and straddled him. I moved down his body slowly. Normally he would protest and tell me that it wasn't necessary, but this morning he only hesitated before he ran his hand through my hair roughly. I smirked to myself momentarily before I started.

* * *

"Well, hello hickey's…" JJ smirked at me as I walked into the conference room and sat across from her. I slapped my hand over the left side of my neck quickly and glanced at Rossi and Hotch to my left who were both looking at them. I groaned to myself and shook my head.

"How professional." Morgan smirked.

"Shut up, I thought I covered them." I spoke quietly. I let my hair down from the ponytail I had pulled it back in and let it all fall over my left shoulder to block the view of them. Morgan and JJ both laughed at me. I glanced at Hotch and Rossi again, Hotch was looking at me suspiciously, Rossi just smirked at me.

"It's like you're a teenager again." JJ commented.

"What's a hickey?" Reid blurted out.

"You've just been dying to ask that since I came in, haven't you?" I couldn't help the smile that crossed my lips, thinking about how innocent Reid is. "Oh, really?" I rolled my eyes as Rossi pulled my hair back over my shoulder and turned my chair so Reid could see my neck.

"Those are hickey's." Rossi informed him.

"They look like bruises." Reid looked at me.

"They are, sugar. You suck, bite, and kiss the skin like a leech and it breaks the blood vessels and you get the bruise." Garcia explained to him.

"Class dismissed, can we move onto the case please?" Hotch interrupted before Reid could reply.

"Dear god, thank you." I said quietly as I opened the file in front of me.

Garcia presented the case to us; a family annihilator, each family had two young kids. The crime scene photos were difficult to look at and I already knew this would be hard for all of us. As Hotch expressed the importance for us to keep a level head to help future families, Derek and I made eye contact. He smiled slightly before looking back at Hotch and I looked down. My phone rang after a few more minutes and I declined the call quickly, and apologised to Reid quietly for the interruption it caused while he was speaking. It rang again almost immediately, and I sighed as I declined it again. I looked down and saw 'Sean McCallister' on the screen, identified as the caller. A text came through from him then, "CALL ASAP" I locked my phone screen and slipped it back into my pocket as I looked up.

"Everything okay?" Rossi asked as they all looked at me.

"Uh…yeah, sorry. Just…doesn't know when to stop." I rolled my eyes and looked back up as JJ spoke about the case again. I caught Morgan's eyes again, but they weren't as soft as they were before. I tilted my head slightly as if I was asking him what was wrong, but he just looked to JJ at his side dismissively.

After Hotch had told us when to be at the jet, we all stood to leave and I motioned for Morgan to stay behind. The others left the room swiftly and I looked at him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Morgan."

He took a deep breath and looked at me pointedly, "Who doesn't know when to stop?"

I realised then why he had given me the look that he had when I said that. I shook my head, "I promise you, I'm not sleeping with anyone else. He's an old friend and colleague, is all."

"You should probably call him back." He said quickly as he took his files and headed for the door.

"Derek," I tried to stop him but he didn't listen, so I took my file and followed him, "Hey, don't walk away from me like that." Rossi and Hotch were in Hotch's office doorway, and the others were at the desks, obviously listening. That's all anyone did in this team, we got into each other's business. I avoided looking at them and kept my eyes on Morgan.

He turned around, "I don't much like arguing in front of the whole sixth floor."

"I'm sorry, did I miss our wedding? When did we start arguing like we were married?" My phone rang again before he could reply, and I accepted the call quickly, "What!?"

"And she finally picks up my calls." Sean spoke in his thick Scottish accent.

"When someone ignores your calls and texts, it usually means they don't want to talk to you. Take a hint!" I snapped. I hung up quickly, not giving him a chance to speak again, and I looked up. Morgan raised his eyebrows before he turned and walked away. I fixed my hair over the left side of my neck again and continued to my desk to grab my bag; I had time to get coffee before we had to be at the airstrip.


	2. Chapter 2

The case was a long four days of horror and frustration. The flight home was quiet and haunting as every one of us mulled over the case. We got back late Thursday night and I didn't even go home before I went to Morgan's; I had bet him to his place, somehow. I was sitting on the front porch when he came, and he didn't ask any questions or even hesitate; he hadn't been surprised at all. He just held a hand out to assist me to stand from the step I had been sitting on and he pulled me into a warm hug as I shivered. Then he unlocked the front door and we went inside, he lit the fire and made me a coffee, I sat in silence for a while before I finally spoke about what in the case had me this way. He spoke about his own problems with it, and then we ended up in his bedroom like we always did.

I went home last night quickly afterwards; my emotions were getting too hard to handle for me to stay any longer than I should. I was late by a few minutes more than what was acceptable this morning and I saw Hotch's disapproving yet concerned look; he knew what cases like that did to us, but I wouldn't tell him that the last case wasn't the reason. I apologised to him profusely before he assured me that it was okay, and then we all made our way to the round table room. Garcia was already in here, she had laid the files down in front of each chair and she was now standing up the front where she always did, waiting until she could start the presentation. She began by telling us to cancel our weekend plans, and then we discussed the case while Garcia presented different details to us that we needed to factor into our starting theories.

Just as Hotch was about to dismiss us, my phone rang. "Oh, for the love of god." I said to myself irritably as I declined it again.

"Hickey guy is persistent." JJ smiled.

"Not the same guy," I shook my head as I put my phone back down, "I would _much_ prefer hickey guy. Sorry." I waited a few seconds before I knew the attention was off me before I glanced at Morgan, hoping he understood that Sean was not someone I was seeing or even interested in. My eyes met his, but he looked down and then to Hotch quickly after. Once dismissed, I stood slowly and gathered the parts of my file as the others left, and I picked my phone up. I looked at Sean's number and took a deep breath before I pressed the 'call' button. "Sean." I greeted once I knew he picked up the phone.

"I've got to say, I'm surprised you called back."

"What do you want? You have my colleagues getting suspicious."

"I need you to meet me somewhere, anywhere. It just needs to be done and it needs to be done as soon as possible."

"Whatever it is, Sean, I'm sorry but I can't help you. My boss is coming, I need to go. I'm sorry." I hung up just as Hotch entered the room.

"This isn't just a guy calling you, is it?"

"What makes you ask that?"

"Sean McCallister called me last week and asked for your current number. He said it was urgent but also asked me not to say anything to you. I made sure he was safe and made Garcia do a background check before I gave him your number. He's from Interpol, correct?"

I nodded, "Yeah, and I'm sorry he called you," I shook my head, "He just won't stop."

"Does Interpol want you back?"

"I don't know what he wants, I haven't let him get a word in," I tilted my head when I recognised his worried eyes, "Once I know what they want, you'll be the first to know." I assured.

"This team doesn't cope with change all too well."

"I know," I nodded, "I promise you that I'll speak with you before I do anything." I nodded. He nodded too and walked back out of the room. We were leaving for our case rather soon, so I made my way to my desk to get my things together.

* * *

We had been in La Crosse, Wisconsin for three days. A three and a half hour flight from Quantico on the jet, and the case was so frustrating that we each had to take a break away from it at times. It was about four in the afternoon when I heard quiet bickering approaching our room between three different accents, and I groaned outwardly as I turned around and shook my head as Sean, Clyde, and Tsia all walked into the room we were in. The others of the team looked at them as I had groaned, and now they were watching quietly as I glared at the three of them and looked back at me.

"Wow…you're different." Tsia said.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"You wouldn't let me speak to you, so…" Sean shrugged his shoulders, "What better way than to come straight to you?"

"Sean, this is ridiculous. You're interfering with my work and my team."

"If you had of called me back and given me the chance to speak to you, we wouldn't have this problem, would we?"

"Touché…" I let out a breath, "What do you want?"

"Is there a more private place to talk?"

"You can close the door behind you and that's about it, but I really don't have time for this."

"Oh, trust me, you do," Tsia said as she closed the door, "We're getting JTF-12 back together." I knew what she meant. That was the agreed line we would use if we ever needed to talk about something secret with others around – the others being my team in this case. I ignored it the best I could, but I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. It wouldn't be what my first assumption was. It couldn't be.

"The team disbanded for a reason."

"Yes, because _somebody_ went rogue." Clyde raised his eyebrows.

"I did not," I shook my head, my voice aggressive, "How many damn times do I need to tell you that it was Jeremy? Where even is Jeremy?"

"Dead." The three of them replied simultaneously "And I wasn't talking about the mole. I was referring to you and your love interest." Clyde added. I shook my head and bit my tongue to stop myself from yelling. "I see that temper of yours is just fighting to get out."

"I will break your jaw." I threatened in all seriousness.

"I'm just saying, darling; every time I bring up the "rogue" comment, you get extremely defensive."

"Did you come here just to insult me and my integrity?"

"I told you, we're getting—"

"Well Jeremy's dead so there isn't much "getting back together", is there? You were engaged to him; did you just _forget_ that he betrayed all of us?" I cut Tsia off. I could tell that just my tone of voice, let alone my words put her off. "I mean seriously Tsia, how do you fall in love with a disgraced agent?"

"Oh, I don't know…how do _you_ fall in love with an international arms dealer turned terrorist turned murderer? That's an all-round criminal there."

"Well I didn't fall in love with him, I was playing a part. You know, the one you all so graciously threw me into?"

"Ladies, ladies, please," Clyde smirked, "Remember the good old days when you were best friends?"

"Enough, let me lay it all down for you, Em," Sean started, "Doyle escaped an off-the-grid prison, only to be off the grid himself. He murdered Jeremy, he threatened the three of us and my family, and he was seen first getting off a private jet in DC two weeks ago, and then again outside of your apartment last week. He knows where you are, and he's going to kill you if you don't come with us."

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from snickering. Like this alone would be enough for me to drop everything and leave, especially in the middle of a case, and one involving children. I was never one to run from a rumour. The sick feeling in my stomach was making me feel extremely nauseous now that my assumption was confirmed, but I ignored it the best I could. I looked at Sean, "Show me." He looked at Tsia and she took her phone from her pocket and only a few seconds of silence past as Clyde and I glared at each other until she stepped forwards and handed me her phone. I looked down at the pictures and scrolled through several of them before I locked the phone and handed it back to her; there was no doubting that it was him. "Jeremy told him who I really was, didn't he?"

"It's the only way he would have known to look for an Emily Prentiss instead of a Lauren Reynolds." Clyde spoke quietly.

"I think he knew even before he went to prison. He's been planning this for three years," Tsia said, "He isn't just winging it, he had solid connections to get him to France for Jeremy, and then to the States undetected."

"Come with us, Emily." Sean almost begged.

It was hard to decide right now on what I should do. I wanted to stay here with my team and finish this case and ensure that they were safe from Ian Doyle, but I knew that I would have a better chance of finding him with the people who already knew him, already studied him, "Is there even a small chance that my team is in danger?"

"It's not just a chance, darling." Clyde nodded.

"They are. We all are." Sean added.

I nodded slowly, "Then I'm not leaving."

"They can take care of themselves."

"Are you insinuating that _I_ can't?"

"No— Look, we need to catch him before he kills someone else to get closer to you!"

"And I will. Me, alone," I motioned to Sean, "Go back to Scotland with your family," I looked at Clyde, "Go back to London," and I ended with Tsia, "And go back to wherever you're living right now; France, whatever."

Tsia shook her head, "Jeremy's funeral is in DC on Tuesday." She turned and walked out of the room.

"We'll go to DC and watch over your tech, Declan, and your team's families until you get back to set a game plan." Sean said as he turned and followed Tsia out.

I looked at Clyde and motioned for him to leave. He didn't move, his eyes stayed looking at mine. I shook my head, "What?"

"It would mean a lot to Tsia if you came to Jeremy's funeral."

"You want me to go to the funeral of the man who was the informant of—"

"Emily, please?" He raised his eyebrows. I shook my head in response, "If Doyle died, you would go to his funeral. Hell, you'd _plan_ his funeral. You'd expect the four—three… of us to attend."

"I wouldn't _expect_ anything from you. I've learnt not to expect even the most basic of things from you."

"Please?"

I sighed and looked down, "Fine."

"I'll text you the details, feel free to bring your team. I'll keep surveillance around your apartment." He left with the other two and I looked down as I bit my lip before I took a deep breath and looked at my team.

"…What and who is—"

"Please," I shook my head and closed my eyes, cutting JJ off, "Let's just solve the case and I'll tell you guys everything afterwards." I could see that they wanted an explanation now, and that they were worried, but they all looked at Hotch and he motioned to the board to tell them to keep working on this case. We looked at each other once Reid and JJ stood at the board and Rossi and Morgan flicked through a few files and pieces of evidence, "Thank you." I whispered. He nodded before he stood and walked out of the room to find the lead detective on this case. I took a deep breath and looked at Clyde's text before I put my phone down and began to refocus on the case at hand.

* * *

We worked all weekend and only got back to Virginia today at one. Jeremy's funeral was at two, so I had an hour to go home, shower, change, and get to the cemetery. After much debate with my team, I gave in and let them come to the funeral under one condition; that I didn't need to tell them anything about what was going on until tomorrow. Hotch had told me privately that if I was planning to leave after the funeral without telling them what was going on just to get out of it, then he would hunt me down and force it all out of me, which put an end to my plan to leave. While rather intimidating, at least I knew he genuinely cared. I worried about involving them, but like Clyde and Sean had said, they were already in danger.

I stood now beside Clyde on one side of Jeremy's casket, with Sean and Tsia across from us. My team stood a few metres away from the other guests, and Clyde stood closer to my side than what anyone would expect with the way we spoke to each other lately. I fought a few rising tears as we stood through the service. Tsia, Sean, and Clyde all spoke about Jeremy, but I had already refused to do it when Sean asked me the day just passed. Sean had already been hugging Tsia for some time as she cried, and my tears only began to fall now as they lowered his coffin into the grave. Clyde hesitated before taking my hand gently, giving me every chance to pull away, but I held onto him tightly for a few seconds before he pulled me to him and hugged me to his side. I rested my head on his shoulder and tried desperately to stop my tears. Just as some people began to turn away and leave, a loud gunshot was heard and the bullet was dangerously close to hitting Clyde's other side. Sean knocked Tsia to the ground and held her there, my team dropped, and Clyde had to pull me to the ground, reacting much faster than I did. Others screamed, dropped, or ran. I heard two more shots before I reacted. I took my gun from my holster and shook Clyde off as he tried to stop me. I stood but kept low, and I ran as fast as I could towards the nearby tree line and I ran alongside it towards where the bullets were coming from.

"Emily!" Sean yelled, trying to get me to stop. I ignored him and ducked as a bullet came near my head, hitting a tree close to me. I swerved into the trees and ran behind them; I would have been harder to see this way. I heard someone running behind me and I wondered if Clyde had followed.

"Derek!" Garcia screamed. I couldn't let him follow me, so I stopped and turned around. He reached me quickly and stopped in front of me, looking at me questioningly. Just as I went to speak, JJ ran into the area and walked to us, "Seriously? You two are going to get killed."

"You're here too." Morgan rolled his eyes.

"Both of you need to go back and find— for fucks sake." I changed my sentence as I instinctively ducked at the sound of another shot. JJ had crouched down and Morgan half fell, the bullet hitting his arm. I looked at it for a few seconds and shook my head, "Stay with him, JJ."

"I'm coming with you." Morgan said determinedly. I ignored him and turned, continuing on my course towards where I estimated the shooters to be. I saw one after a few more minutes, walking close to the tree line and looking around for any of us. I crouched, moving slowly as to not draw his attention. I held my gun up and pulled the trigger, the bullet hit straight between his eyes. I didn't know him, I should have known Doyle would use his little army before he would come out and do something like this himself. I saw the other one a small distance away who had turned quickly at the sound of my shot. He looked towards the area I was still crouched in and began shooting. I rolled to shield myself behind a tree, a bullet only hitting my left shoulder. I heard another shot and then Reid ran to my side, looking at my shoulder immediately.

"Did you get him?" I asked him quickly, hitting his hand away from my arm.

"Yeah I did." He said quietly, standing and holding a hand out. I took it and he pulled me up.

I walked out of the trees, ignoring the violent ache in my shoulder, and I crouched down at the side of the guy that I had shot. I looked at his wrist and confirmed the small four-leaf clover tattoo. I went to check the wrist of the other guy as well, who I didn't recognise either. I looked up at the rest of my team, Tsia, Sean, and Clyde as they approached. Morgan was holding his arm and JJ stood beside him.

"His men?" Tsia asked me quietly.

"Yeah." I stood up and holstered my gun.

"That was extremely stupid of you. You got yourself and your partner shot." Clyde said.

"I didn't tell Morgan to come, and what did you expect me to do?"

"Not run towards the bloody bullets!" He raised his voice slightly.

"I tell ya, you're one very lucky girl to have the team that you do," Sean said quietly, "Even when JTF was close, we never had each other's backs like that," He motioned to JJ, Morgan, and Reid, "And both your bosses made sure to get your techie out of the way. One hell of a family."

I shifted my stance, unsure on how to respond to his praise, and I looked down at the grass beneath me. Rossi cleared his throat to interrupt the silence and walked to me, putting his arm around me comfortingly, careful of the wound, "Come on, let's get you out of open areas." I followed along where he led me behind the team, and Sean, Tsia, and Clyde behind us, and I saw policemen and paramedics approaching the scene that we were leaving.

* * *

Hotch had forced both Morgan and I to go to an ambulance in the cemetery carpark and then we all attended the wake for as long as I felt safe. After about two hours, though, the team and Will went back to Rossi's place with me, and Clyde, Tsia, and Sean went their own way. Rossi had invited them to stay at his place too, but the three of them declined politely.

I woke this morning and my shoulder ached badly as I got up. I showered the best I could and JJ rewrapped it for me before I made my way downstairs. The team were all sitting in the dining room with coffees of their own, and I joined them with a coffee, a glass or water, and my pain killers. I took three of them with the water and then sipped my coffee.

"Aren't you only supposed to take two?" Garcia asked quietly.

"Supposed to," I nodded, "But two never really does the job."

"Does it hurt a lot?"

"…I'd rather not say." I glanced around at the team. They knew it did, but they knew I needed to keep at least some of my pride, and we all knew it would heal quickly. They all sat quietly for a while before Morgan met my eyes and raised his eyebrows. I sighed as I sat forwards, "Alright, I know I owe you all an explanation. Listen carefully because I'm not repeating it," I tried to ignore all the eyes trained on me at once, and I took a deep breath to calm myself, "Five years ago when I was working for Interpol, they decided to assemble a team specifically to profile, infiltrate, and apprehend terrorists and their organisations. They threw together the best we had; Sean McAllister as our leader, Clyde Easter as second in command, Jeremy Wolff, Tsia Mosely, and me. We didn't get very far, though. Our fourth mission was to infiltrate into an arm's dealing organisation to take down Ian Doyle; former IRA, later turned terrorist, later turned murderer. We needed someone in his private life, and I happened to fit the general appearance and personality of his past love interests. They gave me the alias 'Lauren Reynolds' and sent me straight undercover. At first I met him trying to "get into business" with a well-known dealer in the area, 'Valhalla', and I asked if he knew him. Of course, he was Valhalla, and we knew that, but he didn't know that. He took to me quickly and after much debate between the team and Interpol's higher-ups, I ended up accepting his offer to move into his luxury villa in Tuscany. I met his son, whom I didn't even know was his son until my final weeks there, but I was with him for two years. Spending almost all day everyday with one person has its consequences…like possibly developing…emotions for someone that you shouldn't. Tsia and Clyde were right, I did happen to maybe fall in love with him, he proposed to me…sort of…and he asked me to take his son and raise him as my own, give him Doyle's life. I'll give it to him, it wasn't exactly a bad life he lived; apart from the whole criminal side of it, he was doing great. If I'm being honest with you, I'll say that I _did_ consider betraying Interpol and my reputation and England, just to stay with him, but I didn't. Once Interpol had their evidence to put him away, they separated us to protect me, because Doyle knew by then that I was a spy of some sort, and I never saw him again. Fake news reports were put out for weeks and both the officers holding him and then the prison guards made sure he saw the reports that Lauren Reynolds died in a car accident."

"But he knows now because of Jeremy?" JJ asked quietly, trying to get it all out straight.

I nodded, "Turns out that Jeremy had turned to their side sometime down the track and began to feed Doyle and his men information that they shouldn't have had. It was first blamed straight on me, but then Sean and Clyde realised that Doyle knew things that even I hadn't been informed of yet. Then it was either Tsia or Jeremy, and we all knew that Tsia was too loyal to do something like that to us and to risk my safety. After we put him away and the others realised that I had actually been living rather comfortably with him and had fallen for him, the team disbanded and we all went our separate ways. Sean started a family with his wife, Tsia and Jeremy got engaged and went to live in where I assume was Paris, Clyde started profiling individuals in collaboration with Interpol, and I came to the States and ended up here with you guys."

"What happened to his son?" Will asked.

"Oh, I made sure Declan was out the morning I knew Interpol was coming to get Doyle. I convinced the housekeeper, who was raising Declan as her own, to take him out and I set up a time for them to meet me. I relocated them here to DC and changed their names; they should be safe for now. I staged their deaths and Clyde took photos of the scene and them for me, all bloodied and looking dead. We made sure to leave them somewhere Doyle would eventually see them. I think he knows that I had taken Declan to begin with, though, so there's no doubt that he's holding me completely accountable for his "death".

"So you infiltrated into his life, made him fall in love with you, fell in love with him, accepted his "kind off" proposal only to take his son, imprison him, and "kill" his son? Care to choose your motive?" Rossi asked rhetorically. I bit my lip and avoided all eyes.

"How to do you "kind of" get engaged to someone?" Reid asked me.

"I had told him that I wasn't the marrying type…you know, so that I wouldn't end up either ruining the relationship before we caught him by not accepting a proposal, or so I didn't end up marrying him, so he bought me a necklace that was basically like a promise. It was like a commitment, basically like an engagement ring, really." I saw Morgan shaking his head out the corner of my eye and struggling to keep himself from saying something. I didn't want to ask him about it; it clearly wasn't something he wanted to bring up in front of the team, and I knew he would never tell me what was really thinking. I sighed to myself quietly as the team fell silent, either just trying to understand or judging me; I expected the second. I let them process in silence, and I soon excused myself upstairs so that they could discuss it amongst them like I knew they wanted to do.

I texted Sean and told him to meet me at the precinct this afternoon, along with the other two. They were here, so why not make use of them.

* * *

**Just when ya'll thought I couldn't possibly bring Doyle into another story.**

**This one will take a while between updates; I'm running three jobs and a house so there's not as much time as I used to have. Sorry!**

**-A xx**


	3. Chapter 3

Garcia had dug up all she could on Ian Doyle and threw a file together as quickly and efficiently as possible. We all agreed that working in the round table room would be better than working individually at our desks; this way we could run ideas past each other like we usually did, and I could answer whatever questions they had. When I had asked Hotch what Strauss thought we were doing, he had explained to us that he met with her earlier this morning and shared the circumstances with her. She wasn't happy about it, but she was letting us finish this case before she ripped into us; me, mainly. The team had also suggested that I enlist the help of Sean, Tsia, and Clyde. I told them that I already had, and Hotch spoke to me privately about wanting me to take a bit more of a lead in the team for this particular case; I knew more than any file could tell them.

I worked the best I could – given the circumstances – before Clyde, Sean, and Tsia came up and made their way to the conference room around one. "Update; Doyle was at your place again last night. I wouldn't advise going back." Tsia said as soon as they walked in.

"What time?"

"Two am. Of course, he didn't see your car so he didn't stick around long."

"Declan is safe at school and so is Louisa. As far as we can tell, he doesn't know about their presence here…yet." Clyde added.

"We can't surveillance the two of them anymore, though. One of his old cars was trailing me here," Sean said, "So he knows we're here and he knows that you and your team are all onto him too. Do you have any other connections that could help out?"

I gave him an obvious look, "Do I look like someone who would have connections? You worked with me for three years, did you _like_ me?"

"…Well most of the time, yes. You had quite a temper and got worked up over the smallest of things, but you seem a lot calmer nowadays."

"Okay, see, you were supposed to say no and understand that I wouldn't have other connections…but in saying that…I just thought of someone I can ask." I thought of this particular team as I spoke, and I stood quickly to leave the room, taking my phone with me. I searched my contacts for his number and waited for him to answer the call, "Hey, it's Prentiss."

"Oh, hello there gorgeous." I could almost hear the proud smirk in his voice.

"I'd love to catch up, but I'll just get straight to it. Could you please forward me Sam's number?"

"Anything for you."

"Thanks, bye." I hung up and waited a short while before I received his text. I rang the number he sent and glanced around the bullpen, "Cooper, it's Prentiss with the BAU, Hotch's team."

"I remember, Mick still talks about you. How are you?"

"Uhm, not too great at the moment. Do you guys have a case at current?"

"Not at the moment, need our help?"

"If you wouldn't mind, but you should be aware before you decide that this will place your whole team and your families in serious danger if your involvement is discovered."

"Should we meet you at the precinct or somewhere more hidden?"

"The precinct will be fine, just come through the back way? Whenever you can get here is fine."

"We're on our way."

"Thank you, Sam. Really, it means a lot." I hung up and let out a relieved breath before walking back into the conference room. They all looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to share who I'd called. "…They're coming."

"Who is it?" JJ asked.

"You'll find out when they get here." I knew it bugged them not knowing who was going to be working with them, but I thought a nice surprise might be nice for them right now.

* * *

"Oh my god!" JJ stood up quickly with a large smile. She hugged Gina first, then Rawson, Prophet, and ended with Cooper. I watched silently as my team greeted them and I saw the curious look on the faces of Tsia, Clyde, and Sean.

Mick was the first of the red cell team to approach me, "I got to say, gorgeous, I thought you were calling to accept my date offer, but then Sam comes in and says we've got a case to work alongside the BAU…and friends." He glanced at the remaining members of JTF-12 to my right. I smiled and shook my head as he hugged me tightly. Gina, Prophet, and Cooper all hugged me too.

"Thank you for coming." I spoke quietly before parting from Cooper. I quickly introduced the red cell team to Tsia, Clyde, and Sean, and then I sat down and listened quietly as the three of them told the new arrivals of the situation.

"So you brought your little war back to the States with you." Rawson teased, nodding slowly.

"It was never my intent." I said quietly, looking down at my hands resting in my lap.

"…He was just teasing; this isn't your fault," Prophet added, "You didn't ask for this."

"Victims never—"

"I'm not a victim." I cut Reid off aggressively, looking at him at my side.

"Okay, sorry…" He looked away from me, clearly intimidated.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and glanced at Morgan when I felt his eyes on me. He motioned subtly with his hand for me to calm down and I forced an acknowledging smile. I looked down at the file JJ threw in front of me and began to skim through it. My phone buzzed before long and I sighed as I took it from my pocket. The room was silent as others looked at files, studied the board, or viewed surveillance photographs that had been printed and since spread across the centre of the table. I made sure that Reid and Tsia at my sides weren't looking before I opened Morgan's text,

"_You need to relax more. My place tonight."_

I read it twice and bit my lip before looking towards him. He was watching me already, and I nodded slightly, careful not to draw anyone else's attention. He winked at me and then looked back down to whatever he was working on, and I stood up. I needed alcohol, but the best I could do right now was coffee. I heard footsteps enter the breakroom behind me after only a short while. I glanced to my left and looked at Hotch, "Want some?"

"No, thank you," He declined politely as he walked further in, closing the door behind him, "Prentiss, I need to know what you hope to get out of this investigation."

"How do you mean?"

"When we find Doyle and we get him, do you intend to kill him, or reimprison him?"

I shook my head, "I…I don't know yet; it depends on the circumstances."

"And if you receive a message of sorts from him clearly trying to lure you away from us and the red cell team and JTF, are you going to follow?"

I hesitated before I nodded, "Probably, yeah. Hotch, you have no idea what it's like to be the cause of your family's danger. I know that Foyet threatened you and your family, but this is very different. Foyet did that to you because you didn't make a deal, Doyle is doing this to me because I hurt him. I broke his heart, I took his son away and he thinks I killed him, and I imprisoned him. In return for all of that, he is trying to destroy me. He will kill every single one of you until I have nothing left," As I thought about it, it still did seem rather similar, "Okay, so it's kind of the same, but do you get what I mean?"

He nodded, "I understand, but I can't let you be a part of this investigation if your priority is to kill him instead of imprison him."

"Well you can fire me or I can resign afterwards, but I am working this case." I stared back at him in silence for a few seconds and refused to look away from his superior eyes. Once he realised that I wasn't going to surrender under his stare, he nodded slowly. "Thank you." I said quietly as I looked down.

"I want you to stay at Dave's from now on."

I shook my head, "I'm going home."

"Prentiss—"

"If I stay with anyone else for longer than a few nights, he will find me there, and it will endanger whoever I'm with. I will keep my guard up at all times, but I'm going home, Hotch."

"Fine, but at least contact me on a regular basis to let me know that you're safe?"

"Deal." I nodded. He turned and walked out of the breakroom to head back to the conference room. I took my coffee and followed behind him. I glanced at the board and saw a photo of me stuck up above the line of victims we had found that he had killed from Jeremy onwards. "Why am I on there?"

"Whether you want to admit it or not, darling, you are his primary victim." Clyde turned and looked at me.

"No I'm not."

"I am going to profile the hell out of you." Tsia smirked.

I bit my tongue and picked up the files and notebook I had been looking at and left with my coffee without another word. I sat at my desk in the bullpen and let out a deep breath before I opened the top file and began studying them. I knew they were watching me and I knew that at least half of them were getting very worried about me, but I ignored it the best I could.

* * *

"Wait, stop." I whispered as I tried to calm my erratic breathing. I tapped Morgan's shoulder and he lifted his head from between my legs.

"…What?" He moved to my side and sat up. I shook my head as I sat up and I brushed my hair away from my face before I stood and went into his ensuite quickly, closing the door behind me. I stared at myself in the mirror for a few minutes and calmed myself down. Morgan knocked after a while, "Em? Open the door, please? Talk to me." I took a deep breath and wrapped a towel around my body as I unlocked the door. A second or two passed before he opened the door slowly. He raised his eyebrows as he looked at me, "What's wrong?"

"I can't do it anymore."

"Okay…do what?"

"Sleep with you," I decided to just get it out there now, no beating around the bush. He raised his eyebrows and looked down as he took in a breath. I shook my head, "It's not that I don't feel attracted to you…it's kind of exactly the opposite of that…" I cleared my throat as I looked down, "I don't know how, why, or when I developed feelings for you, but I do know that I can't keep doing this."

He nodded slowly, "Okay…um…well what if I told you that I have feelings for you too?" He asked hesitantly.

I shook my head, "Even if you did, we still couldn't, because Doyle would kill you." He only responded with a shake of his head in disagreement before he pressed his lips to mine urgently. I returned it immediately and wrapped my arms around the back of his neck. His hands dropped from where they rested on my hips, down to my thighs and he lifted me up to sit on the basin. My towel had since dropped from my body and his hands began to roam everywhere as we made out, almost desperately.

We had ended up in the shower and afterwards, we went straight to bed; both exhausted already from the day we spent stressing at work.

* * *

I walked into the precinct late, having raced home from Morgan's to shower and get clean clothes. I made my way up to the conference room quickly; I could already see all thirteen members in there. "Where the hell have you been?" JJ looked relieved to see me, but also furious with me.

"I slept in, I'm sorry." I looked at Hotch.

"Last night; where were you last night?" JJ stood up.

"Home."

She shook her head, "Stop lying to me. I called you five times, you didn't pick up or text me. Everyone else tried calling you, you still didn't answer. We went to your place, you weren't there. You told Hotch you were "going home", but you lied."

"…Okay, I know this isn't the focus point right now, but _why_ were you trying to contact me?" I ignored the twelve sets of eyes watching us in silence.

"Tsia saw Doyle at your palce again around midnight last night on the camera she set up but by the time the three of them got there, he was gone and you weren't there. Where were you?"

"Okay, well it's been great chatting to you, but I need to start looking for Doyle now, and I also need to talk to Morgan." I looked at him and motioned for him to follow me as I turned. JJ tried to call me back but I continued out of the room and I heard Morgan following me. I decided to just borrow Rossi's office for now. I walked in and watched as he closed the door behind him. "Are we hiding it, telling them, or just not saying anything and letting them figure it out for themselves?"

"Uh…I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"Well, I mean…they're profilers, so it's probably just easier for everyone if we tell them. On the other hand though, it's against the rules and even though I'm going to lose my job anyway, I don't want you to lose yours while I'm still working under FBI credentials."

"So?"

I shook my head, "So let's not tell them for now." He nodded in agreement and pressed a soft kiss to my lips before I pushed him back lightly, "Professional. We need to stay professional."

He agreed quietly before kissing me, bring a small laugh out of me, and then we left Rossi's office and made our way back to the conference room. I saw JJ about to speak as we entered, so I spoke first quickly, expressing the importance of _all_ our focus being on this case. I knew she wasn't happy about me avoiding it and neither were the others, but they let it slide for now. I could see the worry on their faces when I first walked into the bullpen this morning and then I saw the relief when they all saw me walk into the conference room. I knew they wanted this solved, because they wanted me safe, and I knew they wouldn't stop. I made a mental note to buy them all something small as a thank you gift if I survived this, along with a verbal thanks, obviously.

I saw Gina, Reid, and Clyde stand by the board as they talked between each other. I glanced over all the files, photographs, and evidence across both the board and the table. I ignored my picture, still above the line of victims, and I saw an open file in the middle of the table with my photo clipped to the corner. I took it quickly and skimmed through the file that contained everything Garcia could have possibly found about my life. I saw a notebook in front of Tsia and took it quickly. It had notes about me written down and I read through those too. "I was never abused as a child." I looked at her.

"Well, not physically…" She took the book back quickly, "Emotionally though, maybe…" I shook my head and rolled my eyes before I sat down and got to work.

"…You still haven't told us where you were last night." Reid said quietly after a while.

I closed another file, "Why does it matter?"

"Because we're trying to help you and protect you, and you're being shady, and we don't like it. If you have to hide it from us, you probably shouldn't be doing whatever you were. So you can either—"

"Do not give me an ultimatum, JJ. Back off." This was making me furious. My whereabouts had no connection to the case, so why were they so adamant to find out.

"Girls…" Rossi warned.

"Tell me!" JJ ignored him.

"No!"

"She was with me! Now both of you stop and focus!" Morgan intervened.

JJ's shoulders relaxed as she looked at him and saw that he was telling the truth and not lying for me, and she looked back at me, "Why couldn't you just say— Oh…" She looked between the two of us a few times before a small smile graced her lips. Garcia made a small, excited noise and covered her mouth, Gina wore a small smirk. The men around the room looked either at each other or between Morgan and I, and Tsia just sat staring at me.

"What?" I asked Tsia.

"You really struggle to keep your legs closed, don't you?"

I raised my eyebrows and I was about to snap at her before Morgan spoke, "Emily, the case." I stopped myself and took some of the files and I left the conference room.

"I really don't like you." I heard JJ say to who I assumed was Tsia as I walked away. I sat at my desk and took a deep breath to calm myself down. I was angry, frustrated, and threatened. I just wanted Doyle dead so Tsia, Clyde, and Sean could leave, I could leave the FBI, and never speak to anyone again.


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone had decided to stay at Rossi's; that way they could continue work after hours and have other opinions and company, and they felt safer. Morgan had taken me back to my apartment to pack a bag of things I needed, and we went to his place for him to grab some too. When we went back to Rossi's, everyone was already in the living room. The place was usually spotless, but not today. There were files and laptops and evidence bags everywhere.

I had been working non-stop all day; I only took short breaks just long enough to make some coffee, and then I was right back to it. We worked like that often when on cases but being actually involved in a case made it that much more exhausting. Everyone was sitting around the living room now, talking or looking through the work or on their phones. Morgan was sitting on the ground with his back against the couch, and I was lying in front of him, resting my body between his legs. I felt like I was going to fall asleep every time I blinked, and he noticed quickly. He pressed a soft kiss to my temple to get my attention before whispering to me, "Can I talk to you for a second, please?" I nodded as I sat up slowly. I stood with him and we walked upstairs and to the room I was staying in. He closed the door behind him and looked at me, "So are we labelling this?"

"Derek, I think that deciding what we are right now is not what we should be focussing on."

"You're scared, I know that. You think Doyle will kill me, or you think you're going to die, or you're going to leave, or something. But Emily, you have no idea how long I have been waiting for this chance, and I am taking it no matter the circumstances of our lives right now. I just want to know if you're happy to be "official" or not."

I smiled and nodded, "Sure, but you need to be careful, Derek. There is a very low chance of me surviving this."

"I am going to do everything—"

"No." I cut him off.

He ignored my interruption and continued, "—I can to protect you. And that's not up for debate." He said the last part quietly as he lowered his lips to catch mine in a passionate kiss. I relaxed in his arms as we kissed, and then he pushed me gently to walk backwards. I lay backwards onto the bed and he climbed above me, still kissing me hard. I heard a small knock on the door and Morgan groaned as he rolled off me. I laughed quietly and walked to the door.

"Oh, hey Henry!" I greeted him enthusiastically. He and Will must have just arrived. I didn't like that they were here – it could put them on Doyle's radar – but JJ was convinced that they'd be safer here and so she asked Will to come. Thank god Hotch agreed to leave Jack with Jessica for the time being.

"Hi!" He smiled wide at me, "Come downstairs! I want to show you my new teddy!"

"Oh baby, I'd love to, but I am _so_ tired, I might just fall asleep right here." I tilted my head. He shook his head and took my hand and pulled me. I sighed as I followed, and I heard Morgan groan again, "Okay, just a minute." I said to Henry quietly, ignoring Morgan's irritation. I sat down on the ground in the living room where the others were still talking, although the files were closed, photographs covered, all evidence away. Nothing was visible now that Henry was here. He ran to the small backpack across the room and unzipped it, pulling out a small green monkey.

"You just left me completely blue balled." Morgan mumbled as he walked into the room. I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to Henry as he began introducing me to his monkey. "Seriously, a monkey over sex." He mumbled again, his voice showing his irritation this time. I heard JJ, Gina, and Garcia laugh quietly.

"You weren't getting lucky anyways, move on." I glanced at him. He snickered and raised his eyebrows. "Have you not seen how tired I am today? Take a night off."

"Wait, you guys sleep together _every_ night?" JJ asked in disbelief.

I shook my head, "No…not on cases." She raised her eyebrows and shook her head, as if in disbelief that we were so active. Really, how could she have expected a different answer? She knew what Derek was like, she knew what I was like; it seemed obvious. JJ told Henry to get ready for bed, and so he left me holding his monkey as he pulled his sleepwear from his backpack. He ran to JJ and she began to help him get changed, neither bothered by the others in the room. I gave the monkey to Will, and Henry ran back to me. He gave me a bug hug. "I love you so much Henry." I spoke to him quietly.

"I love you too, Aunt Emmy!" He smiled wide at me as we parted. My eyes began to fill with tears that I struggled to blink away. He pouted, "Why are you sad?"

I shook my head but I couldn't find an excuse on the spot. JJ called for him to come to bed – saving me from answering the young boy – and the two of them walked upstairs with him as he called goodnight to us. "Well, I am exhausted and I am going to bed." I said as I stood up. They all said goodnight as I walked out of the room, and I crossed paths with JJ and Will upstairs. I wished them goodnight and entered my room. I sighed as I looked around and my eyes rested on the balcony door. I walked to it quickly and made sure it and its accompanying windows were locked before I drew the curtains closed. I got changed into an oversized t-shirt and underwear before I crawled into bed. I turned the lamp out and closed my eyes, my exhaustion growing by every second I stayed awake.

"Hey." Morgan whispered quietly, pulling me away from the slumber I had almost fallen into before he spoke. I kept my eyes closed and stayed still as I mumbled my replying "hey" in return. He was standing at the door, I could tell, so I waited for him to speak again. "…So do you want me to stay in here with you or go to another room?" He asked. I took a second to process his question in my half-asleep state, and then I rolled over slightly to pull the blankets away from the other side of the bed. I heard him snicker, "I'll take that as you want me to stay here." He walked over and lay down beside me, and I threw the blanket back over him as I rolled over completely. I snuggled up to his side, pressing my body close to his with my head resting on his shoulder.

After a while, I felt as though I may have been killing his arm underneath me, so I rolled over slowly and lay with my back now to him, my body seconds from falling to sleep. I felt his arms wrap around me and his chest press to my back warmly. He kissed my hair lightly, I smiled to myself and finally let myself relax just enough to sleep.

* * *

"So he didn't get lucky last night then?" JJ asked me as I walked into the kitchen, where everyone – apart from Morgan and Garcia – sat around with coffee. I gave her a questioning look as I poured myself a cup of coffee. "Morgan" she expanded, "He's in a super bad mood, wouldn't talk to any of us, grabbed coffee and went straight outside. Pen followed him but I don't think she's going to be successful in cheering him up."

I shrugged my shoulders in return and sat down, sipping my coffee. I felt eyes on me and noticed them all looking at me. "…Should I go outside?"

"Probably." Gina and JJ both said in unison.

"Oh…okay."

"Relationships are strange for you, aren't they?" Rossi smirked. I laughed with them and walked towards the back door slowly. I saw them sitting at a metal table underneath some trees nearby, and I descended the patio steps before heading their way. Garcia was facing my way and saw me approaching. She said something to Morgan before she stood up and walked past me, giving us some space.

I sat down across from him where Garcia was previously and placed my coffee down on the table. I waited for him to speak, to say anything, but he stayed silent. I cleared my throat quietly, "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" I asked him.

"I don't know. I had a dream last night that Doyle got to you, and we were all there but there was nothing I could do, it was like I was stuck and I couldn't help you, and he killed you right in front of us. It just upset me a lot because what if I can't protect you or help you?"

"Derek," I sat forwards and took his hand from the across the table, "I'll be honest, I can't promise you that I'll be fine or that he won't get to me and nothing will happen, but it's not like I'm just going to give my life away to him. I'm going to fight, I'm not going to let him win without at least trying."

"Promise me one thing?"

"What is it?"

"You won't go it alone. Promise me that you'll always be with at least two of us, you won't go out alone, and if he contacts you and asks to meet, that you either won't go or you'll take us all with you. Promise me?"

I took a breath. That was a lot to ask; I couldn't promise to have constant company and to risk my team's lives just for mine, but I knew that this was the only way he would feel okay, and I just wanted him to feel better. "I promise." I whispered. He smiled gratefully at me and pulled me up as he stood. I stood and he pulled me into him, pressing his lips to mine as he held me against him. "Now let's go catch him." I spoke quietly as our lips parted. I pressed one more kiss to his lips before we walked back to the house, fingers intertwined.

"Awh, how cute." Gina teased as we walked back inside where they all still stood around the kitchen. I removed my hand from his and held both around my coffee cup, looking down and walking to the dining table across the room. It just made me feel awkward to show affection in front of them; it was still new and I wasn't comfortable just yet. Morgan kissed my hair before he left the room and I glanced around at them. The girls wore big smiles, and the guys – excluding Hotch and Sam – wore small smirks. I cleared my throat awkwardly before I stood and made my way to the living room. I grab a few files and some of the evidence bags that went with them, and I began working again.

As time passed, a few more of our members would join me and get to work too in their own time. After a long while, I heard Sam's phone ring and he greeted Strauss as he left the room with his call. A few minutes later, he returned with a frown. "Sorry guys," he looked at Prophet, Gina, and Mick, "We're being called to a case in Milwaukee." I smiled at Sam to assure him that it didn't bother me; they had a job to do and Doyle was not their case. Our whole team also had a job to do, but Hotch requested time off and had a fair argument with Strauss over it. I didn't know when we were supposed to return, but I hoped we'd get Ian by then.

I said goodbye to them and wished them luck, as did my team. Tsia, Sean, and Clyde all stayed silent, only nodding to them on their way out. "…I thought you said they were helping?" Clyde said once they left the house.

I glared at him, "They've done a hell of a lot more than you, and this isn't their fight. They still have their jobs and their lives."

"And your team doesn't?" Tsia challenged.

JJ looked at Tsia, "We _like_ helping family."

She snickered, "Family. Emily doesn't even know what that is."

I closed the file in front of me and left the room quickly before I snapped. I used to get along with the three of them so well when we worked together, but since JTF split, I have constantly been on the receiving end of their offense whenever we were near each other. Sean and I still got along, sure, but it wasn't like we were friends. I didn't even want to finish this case as fast as we could to get Doyle, I just wanted it over so they wouldn't be around anymore and I wouldn't need to see them again.

I grabbed my bag from the next room and walked back through the living room to get my keys. "Where are you going?" Derek asked me.

"Out."

"Hey!" he stopped me, "You promised me. Two people."

I rolled my eyes, "Seriously Derek, I think I'm capable of looking after myself."

He shook his head as he stood up, "Reid, come on." I sighed as they both stood and grabbed their phones, credentials, and guns.

"Okay, but if I'm never allowed to be alone then this is going to be an extremely unbearable case." I said as Derek walked past me. He ignored me as he opened the door and Reid pushed me to follow him.


	5. Chapter 5

I had driven to the precinct with Derek beside me and Reid in the back. They questioned why I would choose the precinct of all places, but they seemed to understand once I explained that this was the only other place that I felt safe. We made our way up to our floor and I sat at my desk once we reached them. The boys looked confused as to why I was just sitting here but they worked silently at their own desks, and soon I fell asleep lying with my head in my arms on the desk.

I woke up this evening in the same bed I had been in last night, and I rolled over before I got up and walked out. I made my way down the staircase slowly and went into the living room. "Evening, sunshine." Garcia smiled.

"Weren't we at the precinct?" I asked Derek.

"You drove there, we went to our floor, and you fell asleep almost instantly at your desk…" he spoke while looking at a file. Once I didn't say anything, he realised I was waiting for him to continue, "So I carried you down to the car, we left you sleeping in the back, brought you back here, and I carried you upstairs to bed."

"…You could have just woken me instead of bringing me back here?"

"Tried, you slapped him." Reid said quietly. I nodded; I had done that plenty of times before while asleep.

It was sort of sweet that they brought me back here and to a bed rather than leaving me at a desk, but it still irritated me just because Tsia and Clyde were here; I left to get _away_ from them. I walked further into the room and dropped down to the floor between the couch and the coffee table. I leant against Derek's legs and lay mine under the table as I grabbed a file and opened it. As soon as I began looking at it properly, Derek took it from my hands. Just when I was about to object, he put his hand over my mouth, "You are exhausted, take a day off."

I gave him my best puppy dog eyes as he removed his hand from over my mouth, "Please?" I asked quietly. He looked at me in silence for a short while before he sighed in defeat and handed it back to me. I smiled and thanked him as I took it back.

"Whipped." I heard Rossi cough quietly. I _was_ exhausted, but I couldn't just leave my team on this case while I do nothing to contribute to it. I needed to be here to answer questions they had. I opened the file again and tried my hardest to concentrate. "You almost had a baby with him?" Reid asked loudly after a while of silence. I stared at him, and so he continued, "This file has a medical note from your second year with him and it says you miscarried at…ten weeks." I bit my lip to keep any reaction back, and just continued to stare at him.

"…Yeah, that's not really a thing you bring up, Spence…" JJ said quietly. I looked back to my file quickly and thought about the information inside of it instead of the fact that my whole team just found out that I almost had a baby with a criminal; voluntarily, too, although it's not like that part was written in the file.

"He was happy when she told him, and then he got drunk and they got in a fight. He beat her to miscarry. The housekeeper reported him for it when she found Emily." Clyde spoke quietly to let them in on why that might even be relevant enough to be in his files. I took a deep breath as I closed the file, giving up on that, and throwing it back onto the table in front of me with a sigh. I dropped my head back to rest against Morgan's knees. He shifted slightly and began to massage my shoulders, staying silent. I closed my eyes as he did, and I realised quickly that I was falling asleep sitting against his legs. I didn't try to stay awake this time, I let my mind wonder and my brain relax as much as it could possibly could right now.

* * *

I woke in bed upstairs again. When I looked at the alarm clock beside the bed, it was 1:20am. I looked beside me to see the bed empty, and so I listened carefully for the team downstairs. I couldn't hear anyone, so I got up, wrapped my bathrobe around my body in the cold air and left the room quietly. I went downstairs and turned the light on in the living room. I didn't see Derek in there, asleep or awake. I looked in the kitchen, and then I went back upstairs. I checked the room that he used to stay in before we were together, and he wasn't there either. I began to panic and so I ran down the hall to JJ and Will's room, where Henry was sleeping on a mattress on the ground, too. I opened the door quietly and walked around past Henry to JJ's side, and shook her awake quietly. When she looked at me, I held my finger to my lips so she wouldn't wake Will or Henry, and then motioned for her to get up and follow me. I walked out of the room and as soon as she closed the door behind her, I spoke quickly, "Do you know where Derek is?"

"What?"

"I woke up and he wasn't in bed, so I checked downstairs and he wasn't there, and the bathroom door was open when I walked past and he wasn't in the ensuite, and he's not in the room he used to stay in."

"Did you try calling him?"

"I saw his phone on the table downstairs"

"Okay, did you—"

"What the heck is going on out here?" Garcia asked quietly as she exited her room. We must have been louder than we intended.

"Is Derek with you?"

"What? No, why would he be with me?"

"Well he's not in my room and I can't find him and I'm panicking."

"Did you check the balcony? Sometimes when he can't sleep he goes outside."

"I didn't, I'll go look." I said as I turned quickly.

"We'll look inside." JJ said quietly.

I made my way back to my room and headed straight for the balcony door. I saw that it was locked but went ahead and went out anyway. Of course, he wasn't out here; it wasn't like he could have locked himself out and not woken me up. I stood here for a minute or two, looking at the pitch-black area in front of me. It was eerie, standing out here alone when I knew that Ian was after me and probably knew exactly where I was. For some reason, I couldn't go straight back inside. I stood still and listened to the silence, and then I heard JJ call me loudly. I went back inside, locked the balcony door, and went towards the light I saw down the other end of the hall. JJ was standing at the door with Garcia, and when I looked into the room, I saw Tsia and Morgan – both shirtless – in the same bed. My breath caught in my throat and my mouth parted in shock.

"Em…this—" I cut his words off by reaching for the door and slamming it shut. I turned quickly as tears quickly began to swell in my eyes and I ran into my room, grabbed my gun, and then headed back out and downstairs. Rossi, Reid, Hotch, and Will were out of their rooms now too, wondering why we were up and what was going on. I walked straight through the hall, ignoring their eyes and JJ and Garcia's calls to me. I heard a door open upstairs as Morgan called out for me almost desperately, so I ran into the living room to grab my keys and bag, made sure to drop my cell phone on the table, and ran out of the house as fast as I could. I knew he was following me, not to mention the girls. By the time I started my car, Morgan was out of the house. He stopped on the porch and put his hands on his head out of stress as I drove around the flowerbed and made my way down the driveway.

I drove for a while until I noticed a car following me, and so I drove into the dirt parking lot of a small park and locked my car as I walked in. I chose a bench and sat down, taking a deep breath. I pushed the thoughts about Morgan and Tsia out of my mind and focussed on the fact that either Ian or at least one of his men would be here soon; I knew it was them following me, I just knew.

I sat silently for a long while, feeling eyes on me since I got here. I only moved now as I heard several cars pull into the parking lot to my left. I looked around me before I stood and walked towards the parking lot slowly, and then I saw the team jumping out of the SUV's. I sped up my pace and went to Hotch, "What the hell are you doing?"

"What are _we_ doing?" JJ asked, speaking before Hotch could, "What are _you_ doing Emily!? I get why you left, but you're supposed to have us with you. Just because Morgan is a disrespectful pig, doesn't mean you can come here and get yourself killed. Get in the car."

I looked at Hotch again, "He would have come. He followed me here."

"Actually…no, he wouldn't," Reid said, looking down in thought. I waited for him to get his mind together and speak again, "Think about it. Doyle doesn't want to just kill you and be done with it. He wants to torture you. You took his son, the only thing in the world that was important to him. He just wants to do the same thing in return before he tries to take your life."

"But the only important thing in my life is the team and you're all here…"

"Penelope isn't." JJ said quickly as she turned and ran to the car. The others followed quickly and I looked around one more time before I ran to my car and followed them back towards Rossi's.

* * *

I took a shortcut and beat the others to Rossi's. I left my car still running as I jumped out, pulled my gun, and ran inside. Her car was here, so she hadn't left on her own. Her laptop's lay across the tables they were living on at the moment, the house was silent apart from my footsteps. "…Pen?" I called out as loud as my voice would allow, "Penelope, answer me!" She still didn't say anything, and then I saw a small piece of paper on her laptop. I walked over and looked at it: the letter E and a hashtag, written as quickly as her hand would have allowed. I put it back down and holstered my gun, walking back out the front porch when I heard the other cars pulling up. "She's gone." I said before anyone else could speak. "Where are Clyde, Sean, and Tsia." I looked at Morgan at her name, just assuming he'd know.

"Tsia made the guys take her to a hotel after I told her to leave." Morgan said quietly. The three of them were out of the way for now, at least. I needed to get Garcia, and quickly, because I knew what lengths Ian could go.

We all stood in silence for a few seconds, not knowing what to say or do. The truth was, we hadn't ever solved a case without Garcia. In every case, she has _always_ found at least one piece of vital information that we needed, but we wouldn't have had without her. JJ's phone began to ring, and she jumped quietly before she looked at the number. She didn't recognise it, so she sat down and put it on speaker after accepting the call. The guys sat down silently, I stayed on my feet and listened.

"Jareau." She spoke. There was only silence. "Hello?" She looked at me.

"Jennifer Jareau, wife of William LaMontagne Jn., mother of Henry LaMontagne. Tell me, where is your family right now?" Her eyes widened as she shook her head. She looked at me again but stayed silent. I felt my pockets frantically for my phone, but then I remembered that I had left it here. I went to the table where I left it, but it wasn't there anymore. I walked back to Morgan and took his right from his pocket quickly. I ran out as I found Will's number and clicked call. Reid followed me into the next room and watched me in worry.

"Hey, Morgan." Will greeted.

"It's Em. Are you okay? Where are you? Where's Henry?"

"Wow, calm down. I'm fine, at a hotel with the kid; he's okay too. We left when you did; it was messy. What's goin' on?"

I closed my eyes in relief and whispered that they were okay to Reid. He nodded and ran back into the other room to assure JJ. "Ian called JJ, he asked her where you guys were and we were worried that he had gotten you too."

"Too?"

"He has Garcia. Come back here now."

"On our way." He hung up and I walked back into the other room. I handed the phone back to Morgan and he took it casually.

"You have Penelope. Just put her on so I know that she's alive. Please?" JJ almost begged.

There was a second of silence before we heard the crackling of the phone moving and then Garcia spoke quietly, "JJ?"

"Oh my god," JJ sobbed, "Are you okay?"

"I did what Emily told me. Tell her that I did what she told me."

"Did what?" There was the sound of the phone moving, "Pen? Garcia!?" The phone hung up then, and they all looked at me. "What did you tell her to do?"

I shook my head as I ran my hand through my hair, "I…I don't know. I don't remember. Where the hell is my phone? I would have written it down."

"You left it on that table." Morgan pointed, speaking quietly. We could all hear the shame and almost fright in his voice. He wasn't sure how I would react if he spoke to me. I walked back to the corner table I looked at before and pulled the drawer out. I shook my head again and groaned frustratedly as I walked out of the room quickly. I needed to go upstairs and have some time to think about what I might have said to her. I couldn't think with the others speaking, and I couldn't think with Morgan around.

I went into my room and started sifting through the notebooks and copied files on the desk up there. Once I realised that I wasn't going to remember without a reminder, I let my tears finally fall as I sat on the ground at the end of my bed. I rested against the board and grabbed handfuls of hair as I cried. I didn't even know if I had told her "what to do" recently. I could have said it last year, for all I knew. On several occasions, I had conversations with her on what to do if she ever got in another dangerous situation since she was shot, I gave her instructions for the things she asked for. I didn't remember having a conversation with her about that within this case. I was getting overwhelmed with everything going on at once, and my breakdown got worse as I thought about it all. I pulled my knees towards my chest and dropped my head to rest of them as I sobbed.


	6. Chapter 6

I had been in my room for hours, crying to myself. It was about four in the morning now, no one had come in since I left that room, and I was pacing now. _What would I say to someone when they ask what to do if they get abducted?_ I asked myself as I looked down in thought. _Fight. Make noise. Draw attention. Jab throat. Kick balls if male. Leave a clue. Take something that would be noticeably missing that might help._

_Leave a clue._

I stood and ran out of the room quickly. I sprinted downstairs and tripped on the last step, yelping before catching myself on the banister. I recovered myself and ran into the living room, turning the light on. I heard doors opening upstairs, and I ran straight to her laptops. I opened the one that I had since closed and took the piece of paper with "E#" written across it.

"What the hell are you doing?" JJ asked as she came downstairs, followed by the guys. They were all holding their guns, but they were now lowered and uncocked.

"She asked me what she should do if she were to be abducted. I told her— You guys were sleeping?" I changed my sentence as I looked at them. "Penelope is with Ian, and you guys decided to _sleep_?"

"We weren't sleeping, we were working individually. We needed space and silence to think." Hotch defended the team. I nodded and looked back down to the paper.

"So, I told her quite a few things to do, but in a setting like this one, I said to either take something that we would notice to be missing that could help us locate her, or to leave a clue. She left a clue." I held the piece of paper up to show them.

"Okay, well what does it mean?" Morgan asked.

"That's for Reid to find out." I gave the note to Reid and sat down, watching him as he looked at it. I could see the wheels turning in his head. The others sat too, and we all waited in silence.

He listed words to himself for a few minutes, before he repeated my name a few times. "Emily. Hashtag. Number. Emily's number," He looked at me, "Your phone." It was so simple; I don't know how it hadn't clicked in any of our minds quicker.

I shook my head, "I don't know where it is."

"I am certain that it was on that table when we left," Rossi motioned to that same table that Morgan and I were both sure of, "If it's not there now, either he took it, or she did…"

"Your number. We need to trace your number. She would have turned it on and made sure to hide it somewhere he wouldn't find it." JJ said, looking at me.

"None of us know how to use her system." Hotch said quietly.

I took Morgan's phone from his hand again – without asking, again – and found Prophet's number quickly before I rang. "Sure, thanks for asking." He muttered quietly.

"You cheated." I reminded quietly to win that small victory as I waited for Prophet to pick up.

"Simms."

"Where are you guys?"

"About an hour away from Rossi's; wrapped the case up quickly. Why? What's going on."

"Lot's to catch you guys up on, but you need to hurry up because Penelope is gone and you're the only one with any idea of how to work her system." He had spent a lot of time by her side lately, working with her on her laptops.

"On it." He hung up and I gave Morgan's phone back to him again.

"Okay, I'm going out and I will be back before Red Cell. They won't be long." I said as I grabbed my keys.

"You promised me that you wouldn't go out alone."

"And you promised me loyalty, but look how that turned out…" I raised my eyebrows at him before I turned and walked out of the room. Really, I was only leaving to call Sean. As much as I didn't enjoy the company of the remaining members of JTF, they knew how to work with me in the field like no one in my team did. I worked better with them than I even do with Morgan, and if I could help it, I was keeping both my team and the red cell team out of the field. This was not their fight, and I was hoping Tsia could convince them to stay out of it. She had a way with persuading people to do things that they didn't want to do.

I got in my car and drove down the end of the driveway, out of sight of the others, and pulled out the burner cell that Sean had given me in the beginning. I wasn't supposed to use it at all until Ian was into our phones, but considering I didn't have one right now, I was sure this would be fine. Clyde didn't pick up the call, and so I texted him.

"_D has Pen, meet me at C. -E"_

I abbreviated to make it a bit harder to understand in case, somehow, someone had gotten into our burner phones already. I headed to the cemetery afterwards, and I lay in wait. Another half hour past before I saw Sean's car pull up beside mine, but I made sure to stay in my car, locked and low, until I was certain that it was them. I knew that Red Cell would be back with my team, and I know that my team would be worried because I wasn't back yet. I needed to get this done before they found out where Penelope was.

I got out of my car as they stood against Sean's. "What's going on?" Sean asked immediately.

* * *

I filled them in, and Sean worked on his laptop in his car to set up a block on Garcia's laptop via email that he labelled "PoorPen" so that the team would think it was something from Ian, and they'd open it. We needed to stall them; they couldn't beat us there. I didn't even know Sean was capable of blocking them out with a temporary virus, but at least I wouldn't need to ask Tsia to _convince_ them to stay out of it. They _had_ to stay out of it for now. He then set up to track my phone, and Clyde, Tsia, and I stayed outside the car, planning our route of attack.

Eventually, we located the phone and pinpointed the exact building within the small area. Clyde and I drove in my car, Sean and Tsia in his. I followed him and sat in silence with Clyde most of the way. "What's bothering you so much?" He asked me quietly.

"I just need this done quickly, before my team traces my phone to her and comes too. She's already in danger, the others don't need to be too; one is more than too much."

"We will get her back safe. I promise." It was kind of reassuring, hearing him "promise" that, but I knew all too well how careful to be with him, and Tsia too, even before she slept with my boyfriend. I took a deep breath and pushed that fact out of my mind. I couldn't go in there angry at her; I needed to be on her team in there, we needed to protect each other.

"Can I ask you a favour?"

"Anything."

"If we happen to survive this, can you please, _please_, get Tsia away from my world. She'll listen to you Clyde, she'll get it when you tell her that enough is enough. I can't have her around after this; she's gone way too far."

"You _really_ love him, don't you?" He looked at me. I didn't reply, but that was all the answer he needed. He nodded, "Come hell or high water Emily, I _will_ get you back to him." I smiled appreciatively, glancing at him, and then turned my lights off when I noticed that Sean had. He pulled off onto a long dirt road, and I followed slowly behind. For two people that didn't get along very well at all, we _worked_ well together, and there was no doubt to that. Both in theory and in the field, we were a strong team. I probably wouldn't hate him so much if all the issues between us hadn't been left to grow over time. We were best friends as kids and teenagers; almost joint at the hip, but that changed when we went into college.

Once Sean stopped off the side, hidden by trees, I parked behind him and Clyde and I stepped out. I walked around and grabbed my ankle holster and gun out of the glove box and applied the holster quickly before loading the gun and strapping it. When I approached the other three, Sean looked at me, "Take your jacket off." I gave him a questioning look as I slipped it off my shoulders. He handed me a double shoulder holster. I put it on quickly and Tsia clipped it up for me before handing me two more guns. I placed them in quickly before throwing my jacket back on.

Sean set us up the exact same way as how we used to do it, minus Jeremy. Clyde and I through the back door, Sean and Tsia through the front. The only real issue in this was that we had no idea how many people we were up against in there; it could be one, it could be twenty, and we had no idea who they were, what they were capable of, or where they were. We used to have that information when we went into a raid. With only four of us, no Jeremy and no SWAT backup, we were at a very large disadvantage.

Clyde and I ran around the back of the building; it was more of a large shed than anything else. Another disadvantage; we didn't know the layout of the building we were about to enter. We had no idea whether it was just one big shed, or if it had individual rooms inside. We had no real game plan, we were just playing it by ear. I put the small earpiece that Clyde had given me into my ear and I listened as Clyde spoke to Sean. On his mark, Clyde opened the door and I walked in, aiming around me. There was no one in here, thankfully, so we wouldn't draw attention just yet. No one knew we were here yet, and that meant we could try a stealthy attack; that was what JTF was best at.

We stood either side of the next door we met, and it was already open. I glanced around the corner and saw no one. I nodded to Clyde and we moved in. I heard Tsia let us know that they were in and moving along.

"Em, you find Garcia. The three of us can distract or hold off for you to get her out."

"No, I'm not splitting from Clyde," I replied to Sean in a whisper, "We all do this together." I only heard a small sigh in response, and so Clyde looked at me briefly before we kept moving. Inevitably, we met a room with some of Ian's "soldiers". There were only three, so I knew that Clyde and I could easily get past this, but the problem was the attention. We didn't have silencers, so we would be alerting them of our presence straight away, and not only did that threaten the safety of the four of us greatly, it also threatened Garcia's. "If we shoot, they'll know we're here. I can't risk Garcia getting hurt." I whispered to Clyde.

He nodded in understanding as he looked around. He spotted another door – closed – that I had completely missed. We walked over to that one and he listened through the door carefully. "Garcia." He whispered to me. My eyes widened.

"Alone or with someone?"

"With Doyle."

I heard someone in the next room say they'll "check with boss", and I heard footsteps approaching the room we stood in. We quickly ran to either side of the door he would be coming through. As soon as he walked through, he didn't have time to lift his gun before Clyde covered his mouth and slammed him against the wall, causing him to drop his gun. The other two must have heard, however, as they called for him questioningly. I turned the corner quickly when I heard them begin to approach, and I let off two shots. Both went straight between their eyes. I saw someone run into the room via a door across from me and I lifted my gun, only to lower it with a relieved sigh. Sean dropped his too and Tsia walked in behind him. We went through to Clyde, where he had since killed the third unsub.

Assuming that Ian was the only one in there with Penelope, then there were only four enemies here. That should have made this so easy on us, but I knew that all four of us would have trouble with Ian. They would because they still had so many questions that they wanted answers too, and me because I knew that killing him would be next to impossible for me to do. You can't execute someone that you love or have loved before. I heard three slow knocks on the door that closed the two of them off from us. I looked at Clyde before glancing at the other two. We lifted our guns, and I opened the door quickly. I dropped mine as soon as I saw Penelope. She had blood and some bruises across her face. Although only light bruises, I knew that she was petrified, and that she has never experienced violence to this extent, and she certainly never expected to. What really made me panic, though, was the knife that Ian held against her neck. "Tell them to lower their guns, love." He said to me in his smooth, almost hypnotic voice. I hesitated, and then I heard Garcia gasp in terror. I glanced at the other three and motioned with my hand for them to lower their weapons. They did, unwillingly.

"She has nothing to do with this; let her go."

"You took the only thing that was important to me, Lauren…Emily, whatever you go by now. It seems only fitting to me to take the only thing more important to you than you own life, and that means your team, starting with the most vulnerable." His smirk sent shivers down my spine.

"Ian, please," I begged, "Please, just let her go."

He thought about it for a few seconds before I saw him smile to himself. He dropped the knife from her neck and looked at her, "Go." As soon as he spoke the word, Garcia stood and ran to me. I pushed her behind me and stood protectively in front of her. "Now, why don't your four friends walk out, and we have a little chat, just one person to another. No weapons."

Of course I knew that the option he was offering me would never end well for myself, but I saw this as the only way to get Garcia out unharmed, for the most part. I looked at Sean before I nodded, and he shook his head. "Sean, leave," I pushed, "Call her an ambulance, keep her safe. Please?" He didn't want to, but he gave in. He turned and motioned for the other two to follow him as he guided Garcia out of the room behind me. She fought him, she didn't want me in here alone with Ian either, but she was always going to have to go with them. I heard her ask him where the others were as they left, and I took a breath, looking at Ian again. He unholstered his two guns and took his knife from his ankle, sitting them all onto the seat that Garcia previously occupied. I took my jacket off, removed the double holster that still contained those two guns, and I put my primary gun down with them. I left the small gun on my ankle, though. He didn't know that was there, I needed some form of protection that wasn't my bare hands. "Are you surrendering?" I asked him, speaking first.

He snickered, "You know me better than that." He approached me slowly and I took half a step back. He made his way straight past me and closed the door behind me. He locked it and turned back to me, "Now…" I waited for him to continue, but instead I felt the intense sting of a fist contacting my cheek. He caught me off guard, but I shouldn't have expected anything less; that was stupid on my part. "You left me for prison." He said before throwing me to the ground. I didn't even try to fight back right now; I saw how angry he was, how _hurt_ he was, that I knew there was no way I – even with my strength and skill – could overpower him. I tried to predict where he would hit me next so that I could prepare myself for it, but instead he kicked me hard in the abdomen. "You took my son." He lifted my hair and pulled me to stand against the wall in front of him, "You faked my son's death." He held my throat tightly in his hand and I began to struggle to breath rather quickly, but I kept myself as calm as I could manage. "Yeah, I know he's alive. I found him. I found Declan, and as soon as I'm done with you here, I will be taking my son and going back to Tuscany. Remember Tuscany?" His hand tightened even more and I lifted my hand to his to try and pull him away. "Tuscany. You lived with me for two years, helped me with business, told me repeatedly that you loved me—"

"I did." I cut him off. The words hardly left my throat, but he understood what I had said.

"What?" His hand loosened, and then he turned around quickly, although still holding me still, when he heard the door slam open. The men of both my team and the Red Cell team entered the room, all guns trained on Ian; the girls must have stayed with Garcia. I held my hand up to them so they wouldn't say anything, pull a trigger, or move.

"Ian, look at me," I said quietly. I waited as he slowly turned his head and looked at me again. His hand was tight around my neck again, "You're hurting me, Ian." I whispered. I kept my eyes on his, I refused to drop them. If there was one thing that made him listen to me when I was with him, it was when I showed him that I wasn't scared, and that I had the power here. His hand let go all together after a few seconds, and I lifted my hand to neck slowly, keeping my eyes on his.

"Get them to leave." He said to me strongly.

"Even if I begged, they wouldn't."

"Then get them to lower their weapons the same as we did." He tilted his head slightly. I looked at Hotch and nodded, and so he motioned for the others to lower theirs as he did his. Ian turned and watched, and then he motioned to where ours sat untouched.

"They stay on us." Mick said to him, narrowing his eyes.

Ian turned back around to face me again. His foot moved closer than he intended, and he kicked the gun on my ankle. He narrowed his eyes and mine widened. "…You lied to me." I shook my head and closed my eyes and he dropped into a crouch and slowly took the gun from its holster. The guys immediately lifted theirs again. He was well aware that seven guns were all trained on him right now, but he was too angry at me to care about that. He pulled me a few steps forwards and then walked around to stand behind me, putting me between him and the bullets. He sighed as he slowly ran the barrel of the gun across the back of my neck, around to the side. I closed my eyes as I heard the safety click off, and then I heard a gunshot. I opened my eyes immediately, noticing that I was still alive and didn't feel any sudden pain. I looked behind me where he now lay on the ground, a bullet between his eyes. I turned back slowly and looked at Morgan, who had been standing directly in front of us.

I must have looked like that was the last thing I wanted him to do, because he apologised quietly before he spoke again, "But I promised that you would survive this." He lowered his gun and walked out after a second. I didn't particularly want to look again, but I turned back to Ian hesitantly. I dropped to my knees at his side, ignored the six sets of eyes on me, and closed Ian's slowly. I took my hand away from him and stood up as Rossi approached me. I saw Hotch take my weapons from the chair, and Sam take Ian's, and then Rossi pushed me to walk out the door. The other guys followed behind us. As soon as I was outside and saw all the ambulances and police – most of which were running past us and inside – I looked for Garcia. I spotted her at the back of one of the ambulances, standing with JJ and Gina. They looked worried, but I saw the relief wash over Gina when she saw us come out, and then she spoke to the girls. They turned and looked at me, and I walked to Garcia quickly. "I am so sorry." I sobbed to her as I enveloped her in a hug.

I felt her smile against my cheek, "This wasn't your fault, and I'm okay. I promise I'm okay."


	7. Chapter 7

I had said my goodbyes to Clyde and Sean at the scene. The three of them left in Sean's car, and we had to wait for a while before Garcia was either cleared or taken to the hospital. JJ asked what happened inside, and I just answered simply "Morgan shot him" and dismissed the conversation. Eventually, the paramedics said that Garcia was okay to go; all she had was a few bruises and blood from a split lip and a cut on her cheekbone. JJ, Gina, and Garcia all decided to come in my car with me, and the guys took the SUV's back to Rossi's. I took a detour first and stopped at the bottle shop.

"We're drinking?" Gina's eyes lit up.

"Well there's no way to celebrate a victory without alcohol." I smirked as I turned the car off. The three of them came in with me and we decided to split up to cover more ground. It wasn't long before we were back on our way towards Rossi's.

Once inside, Rossi questioned what took so long, and so we held up several of our bottles of alcohol before putting them all down on the table in the centre of the sofas. I went back out to my car to grab the three bags remaining in there and brought them in too. I looked through them to sort out what went to who. I had Rossi's favourite scotch for him, Hotch's favourite for him. Vodka for Gina, wine for JJ and Garcia, whiskey for Morgan, bourbon for Reid. I needed to ask for Gina's help for the other three, and I got a slab of his preferred beer for Prophet, whiskey for Mick, and Cooper's favourite bourbon.

"I still think that all of that is a little too much for you." Garcia said as she looked in the bags. I smirked as I began to pull them out and give them to whom I had purchased each one for. I didn't say anything at all, I just knew they'd get the message. Well, most of them anyways; maybe not Garcia or Reid.

"Wait…are these _thank you_ gifts?" JJ smiled at me.

"Yes, and no one will ever speak of it again," I replied quickly, "Also," I took out the drink holder that I had found in the store which seemed more than appropriate. I threw it to Garcia and she caught it before reading the words "bad bitch" and laughed.

They all thanked me and told me that I didn't need to do that, but I just smiled and opened my vodka and took a sip straight from the bottle, ignoring the burn it caused down my throat. I felt Morgan's eyes on me, but I tried my hardest not to look towards him. I knew that after I was drunk, I'd have trouble controlling myself, whether it be my words or my desire. I had asked the girls to keep me away from him once I started drinking, because I had no idea what would come of it.

"Before you start drinking, can I please talk to you?" He asked me.

"Absolutely not," I shook my head and looked at Gina, "We need tequila shots." I smiled at her and she smirked as she stood. She went to the kitchen and Reid followed, I assumed to help, and I refused to look towards Morgan at all. I wanted to go upstairs, go to bed and think about everything that has happened over the past few weeks with Doyle and Morgan, but I needed to feel like I won; just for a little while. I grabbed my phone after a while and texted my mother, "_Hi mother, how are you? I was curious to see if you were home in London over the next few weeks?"_ I stared at the words for a few minutes before I swallowed my pride and hit send. If she was home, I was leaving the States for at least a few weeks, just to escape Morgan and the thoughts of Ian. If she wasn't home, I didn't know what I would do. I certainly wasn't staying here.

Gina and Reid returned with shot glasses and JJ handed the tequila over to her. She poured out eleven shots and handed them around the room. After a few more rounds of shots, we decided to play 'Kings Cup'; a drinking game that Mick introduced to us. Nearing the end of the game, Gina had resorted to pouring the rest of the tequila that remained, into the centre pitcher. Of course with my luck, I ended up being the one that had to drink the combined alcohol by the end of the game. It was disgusting and I had no doubt about that, and it was so strong. I thought that I was going to die afterwards, and I couldn't walk by the time I was ordered to go to bed; Mick had carried me up and Prophet came along to help him.

* * *

I woke up to a hand shaking me gently, and I could smell fresh coffee. I turned slightly and waited a few seconds before I opened my eyes to see Morgan kneeling beside my bed, the coffee cup on the nightstand. "Hey."

"Go away." I closed my eyes and turned my back to him.

"Please Em, just five minutes. Please? I brought you coffee up, extra strong, and I'll make you something to eat if you're hungry?"

"Morgan, get out." I demanded quietly. I heard him sigh and get up. He walked to the door and I heard it click shut behind him. I sat up slowly, careful of how hungover I'd be, and I took the mug of coffee from beside me. I saw the small piece of paper beside it and looked at Morgan's handwriting, "_I love you"_, it said. I snickered to myself, "Clearly not." I picked up my phone and read the unopened text from my mother; at some point last night I had called her, and her text was informing me of the date and time of my flight out to London that she booked for me. I texted her a quick thank you, and then made my way to the ensuite slowly, still with my coffee. I showered, I threw up, and then I brushed my teeth quickly before going downstairs. Everyone was in the living room, but I walked straight through to the kitchen to get more coffee. Morgan was in there already, and it made for an awkward situation. I was so mad, but I was more upset than anything.

"Okay, look. I know you're mad, and I know you're upset and disappointed and everything else, but can you _please_ just let me know when you've calmed down enough to listen to my side of the story?"

"I don't need your side of the story, Morgan. I _saw_ what was going on, and yes, I am really fucking mad, so just leave me alone." I took my filled mug and turned to leave.

He spoke just before I left the room, "I'm not going to stop trying just because you asked me to leave you alone, you know. I'm not going to stop."

I rolled my eyes and continued into the living room. I sat down with the others and informed them of my trip I was leaving for next week. JJ and Reid were skeptical, like they thought I was just running and wouldn't come back, but I assured them that I would return after two or three weeks. Hotch told me that he would handle Strauss and keep her off my back, while I was gone and when I got back.

After sitting with them for a while, my phone began to ring and I looked at Tsia's contact name, watching until the call ended. I looked up and saw Morgan staring at me; he clearly knew it was her by the way he watched me. It rang again almost instantly, and I declined it this time before turning my phone off. Eventually, I had enough of the eyes on me and I went back upstairs to my room. When I closed the door behind me, I let out a deep breath and sat on the side of the bed. I opened the drawer in the nightstand and took out the photograph of Morgan and I that I had stored in there. Unwelcome tears filled my eyes and began to drip onto my cheeks. I tried to stop them, but instead they turned into sobs. I slid off the side of the bed and sat on the ground, leaning against it with my knees up to my chest, still staring at this picture of us.

I just wondered where I had gone wrong, or why I wasn't enough. It wasn't like he didn't get the satisfaction he needed; he got it more often than he expected, and he had told me that himself after about two or three months of sleeping together. I didn't understand what Tsia could offer him that I couldn't, or what he could possibly have seen in her that was any better than me. I was upset with Morgan, I was furious with Tsia. Realistically, it should probably be the other way around; I should be upset with Tsia, but not so mad, because she didn't _really_ have any commitment or loyalty to me. I should have been furious with Morgan because he did have that; he had expressed that he wanted to be in a committed relationship with me, and I had just assumed that meant a loyal one. I wasn't quite sure why my feelings were the opposite of what they should have been; maybe because I already had issues with Tsia, and this was just the cherry on top to set me off.

At least with this happening between Morgan and I, I wasn't so cut up about the events with Ian; I just didn't have any care about that, it was over now. This, on the other hand, would be a long road and I knew it would be difficult and painful. I would have considered leaving the BAU had it not been for my pride; I didn't want him to win.

I crawled into the bed and pulled the covers over me, pulled my knees up to lay in a foetal position, and clenched my eyes shut as tears continued to fall.

* * *

My flight to London felt quicker than it usually did; I was dying to leave Virginia. Morgan and I had gotten into a heated argument over the weekend at Rossi's place in front of the whole team and the Red Cells. I ended up crying in the middle of it and he walked away in anger, and then I stayed in my room and wouldn't speak to anyone until today when I left for the airport; I was too ashamed to communicate with them.

Once I landed in London and found my luggage, I went out to the arrivals area and saw my mother waiting. She gave me a big smile when she saw me, and I forced a small one as I approached her. She hugged me briefly and I struggled to return it; it was occasions like these where I wish we were closer, or even remotely friendly. I think she had noticed how down I felt, and so she drove me straight home to the house we lived in when I was kid, when we were able to _be_ home, of course.

I went straight upstairs to unpack my things once we got to the house, and my mother waited patiently, going to make a few work calls to occupy herself. I took longer than I needed to; I just wanted some time to myself after the flight before I had to spend two weeks with my mother. She told me on the way here that she took two weeks leave while I was here.

After a long while, she came up to my room and announced the reservation she made for us at a fancy restaurant. I hadn't eaten "brunch" or drank tea at a restaurant in a very long time, but I went with her anyway. She insisted I tell her what was wrong; what had me here and so quiet. I explained it all to her, finally able to vent to someone that wasn't friends with Morgan; I could speak about it however I liked.

The two weeks flew by, and the morning before my flight home, my mother woke me at six in the morning. She told me to get dressed quickly, and so I did, thinking something was wrong. Turns out she just wanted to surprise me with a nice breakfast out and then a day to get our hair and nails done. I turned out having a moment of recklessness and dyed my hair a dark maroon colour, much to my mother's dismay.

She sat with me at the airport until my flight was called for boarding. I hesitated before I hugged her tightly and for a long time. "Thank you, mother, for everything. Thank you."

I felt her smile against my cheek, "Always, my dear. Don't wait too long to visit again." She smiled at me. I returned her smile and walked away with my handbag, through towards the gates and leaving her view. Of course, once she had heard about everything that happened, she called and upgraded my business class flight to first-class; giving me that last bit of pampering before I returned home to the team.


	8. Chapter 8

"Well, hello hair!" Garcia greeted me excitedly, "I _love_ it." I put my bag down in the corner of Rossi's living room and sat down between JJ and Mick.

"Oh no, is she allowed to have dyed hair in the field?" Gina looked at Hotch. He gave me an unsure look, like he wasn't sure that I should.

"I don't think that'll be a problem," I saw them all look at me with confused expressions, "Guess whose mother offered them a job!" I tried to sound enthusiastic. I knew I'd dye my hair back to its natural colour within days, so it wouldn't matter regardless if I stayed or left.

"You hate politics…" JJ raised her eyebrows.

"I hate Morgan even more." I shot back.

"So…London didn't help you at all then?"

"What are you talking about? I got my hair dyed, cut shorter, and my nails done. I'm a whole new person," I joked, "No but seriously, my mother spent two weeks giving me suggestions on how to get back at him, so no…it was absolutely no help whatsoever."

JJ was about to reply before we all heard the front door open. Everyone on our team and the Red Cell team was in here, so it only left Morgan. He walked through into the living room and stopped in his tracks when he saw me. He looked straight to my hair, and then to my face. I cleared my throat quietly before I stood, "And that's my queue to go upstairs." I excused myself quietly and grabbed my bag before walking past him quickly, keeping my eyes down.

Once I was safe behind my bedroom door, I let out the breath I had been holding in, and I sighed to myself as I dropped my bag at the end of the bed and then sat. I wish I was still mad with him, but I wasn't; I just missed him so much, and I was desperate to know where I went wrong. Of course, I wouldn't think of asking him and I wouldn't think of going back to someone like that, but I still missed him. I took a deep breath and shook my head before I started to cry about it again, and I got back up to unpack my things.

I ended up on the balcony from my room, looking over the trees that surrounded the house as the sun began to set. I heard a knock on my door, and I called out for whoever it was to come in. I looked over my shoulder once I heard the door close again and my eyes widened. I shook my head as he approached me, "Please don't."

"Just, can we please be civil? I don't want you to live upstairs if I'm here. I don't want you to isolate yourself at work. I promise that I won't try to talk to you about it again until you ask, but can you please come downstairs?"

"…Can you write me a letter? Please?"

"I'm sorry?" He looked at me with confusion in his eyes.

"I can't listen to you explain it, because that will be too hard for me. Can you write me a letter with the explanation? That way I can read it and I don't have to be in front of you while I do and I can stop and start when I feel like it."

"But you'll read it?" He asked hopefully. I nodded, and so he smiled slightly, "I'll get right on it." I nodded again and walked back into the room. He followed and closed and locked the balcony door behind him. We went downstairs and sat at opposite sides of the room. I still felt his eyes on me but I kept my eyes on my hands as I picked at my nails. Reid was at my side and he covered my hands with his to stop me. I looked at him and he smiled at me comfortingly.

It felt extremely awkward to sit with the team while he was in the room. Everyone here knew what happened and what was going on, but no one mentioned it. They spoke about casual, everyday things. My phone buzzed after a while and I opened JJ's text:

"_Spence and Gina slept together last week!"_

I smirked as I read it and I noticed Reid looking over my shoulder. I turned my smirk to him and he went red. JJ laughed to herself quietly and Reid glared at her. Then it hit me…

"Aren't you engaged?" I asked Gina. Everyone fell into a silence as I waited for her response.

"Um…well I _was_, but he broke it off when the whole…Doyle thing started. It was a mutual thing though; we were having issues way before that." She spoke quietly. I nodded and glanced at Reid.

"Don't." He said quickly.

I lifted my hands in defence, "I didn't say anything."

"But you're thinking it," He looked at me. I raised my eyebrows and waited, "You're thinking that she cheated on him with me."

"No…they weren't together."

"Yeah, but Morgan—"

"Was _with_ me at the time," I cut him off. He looked down and anywhere that wasn't at me. "This is weird, I'm uncomfortable, I'm leaving."

* * *

The letter went for three full pages, and I cried so hard as I read him recount the night from start to finish before he began with his apologies. He took the blame in entirety and expressed that he knew he messed up and that nothing he could do would fix it. He knew he was tipsy, but he didn't excuse it on alcohol. It took me a while to read the whole thing, having to stop every so often to catch my breath or stop myself from sobbing loudly. The whole letter was sincere, I could see that. He was full of guilt and regret, and he hated himself more than I hated him. That didn't change what he did, though. He still knowingly cheated on me with one of my oldest friends. He tried to take all blame off her, but that wasn't fair on him. She may not have owed me the same commitment or loyalty that he did, but she still knew he was with me and she knew what it would do to me. She was also one of the most manipulative people I knew, and this wouldn't have been the first time she persuaded someone to sleep with her when they didn't want to. However, that mightn't be the case in this situation; I just didn't know.

I wiped my tears away and took a few deep breaths before I folded it over and slipped it into the drawer of my nightstand. I'd read that when I felt like I wanted to cry, because it would definitely do the trick.

I opened my bedroom door and walked downstairs quietly. I knew they were all here; they always were now, apparently. Rossi claimed he was being "polite", but I was almost certain that he was just relieved that they all made it through Ian's case alive, and he needed to appreciate that. They were, after all, his only family. I knew it would be obvious to them that I had been crying, but he had given me the letter in front of everyone, so they knew why I would be upset. I sat down with them silently and JJ made an effort not to let silence or any awkwardness fall over the room. I realised immediately how close together Gina and Reid were seated, and it had been like that for the past few days now.

I listened closely as Prophet teased Garcia playfully, and she laughed in a way that I had only ever heard in her response to Kevin or Sam. That worried me; she was still with Sam, as far as I knew. It wasn't my place to say anything to her, so I decided it was best to let it go. I noticed Rossi looking at me and I met his eyes. He gave me a comforting smile. I looked down before he saw any kind of emotion in my eyes, and I took a silent deep breath. I glanced at Morgan and noticed his sad expression as he stared at his hands in his lap. For a split second, I felt sorry for him, but then I remembered that it was his doing. Before I started to get too upset again, I looked at Gina and Reid, expecting their obvious chemistry to make me smile, but it just made me feel worse. They would officially be together eventually, and I would still be unlovable. I envisioned a flawless wedding, with Gina in a stunning white dress, Reid with his hair neatened in a tux. The team, the red cells, and I all watching their first dance, JJ and Will, Garcia and Prophet, Cooper and his wife, Hotch, Rossi, Mick, and Morgan all with dates. I, alone, of course. Tears, running mascara, the overwhelming guilt of crying at Gina and Reid's wedding for a reason other than happiness.

Suddenly, my eyes filled with tears that I couldn't stop from surfacing. They dripped from my eyes immediately and I stood quickly, leaving the room. I knew that Hotch and Rossi would have seen the tears on my cheeks, only because I caught their eyes as I past the couch they were on, but I wasn't sure on what the others saw.

I went up to my room again and sat on my bed, breathing deeply to ease the sobs rising in my throat. I heard footsteps ascending the staircase and I held my breath. The knock was quiet, but the door opened immediately without permission, so I knew that it was either Rossi or JJ. Rossi closed the door behind him and approached me slowly, sitting beside me. He let out a breath before he put his arm around me and pulled me into him. I gave into him and sobbed into his chest. He ran his hand over my hair a few times in an attempt of comfort, but it just reminded me of how Morgan used to do that when we lay together after tough cases. I cried even harder, and he began to hush me as he shifted and held me tightly.

"Talk to me." He whispered once I began to calm down.

"I…I just want to know why I wasn't enough," I sobbed again, "What did I do wrong?"

He hushed me again and kissed my hair, "Nothing you could have done would be a good enough reason for him to do that to you. You were nothing but good to him."

I tried hard to stop my tears and I reached for the nightstand drawer. I took the letter out and gave it to him. He took it, knowing exactly what it was, and opened it immediately. I sat in silence for the passing minutes it took for him to finish the letter, and he handed it back to me once he was done. I put it back into the drawer and looked back to him. He gave me an apologetic smile and hugged me again.

"How about you clean yourself up, get changed, and we'll go out and get something greasy and unhealthy for dinner. Just us or the team as well; it's up to you."

"Just us." I said quietly. He nodded and kissed my temple before he stood and left the room. Once the door was closed, I stared at the wall as I tried to clear my mind enough to calm down, and then I stood and went to shower.

I tied my hair into a quick ponytail and threw on a shirt and jeans. I put moisturiser over my cheeks so the tears from earlier couldn't dry them out, and then I left my room quietly. The house was silent, everyone had left. I heard something in the kitchen and headed that way. Rossi was putting clean dishes away into their homes and he turned to look at me once my boot clicked on the tile. "Ready?" He asked me.

I nodded and stood from against the wall. He closed the cupboard he had open and walked around the counter island. I walked with him to the door and he grabbed his keys, coat, and he handed me my jacket. I thanked him quietly as I took the jacket and he opened the door for me. I had no idea where we'd be going, but I didn't care; I just needed to get out of that house for a while.

I had to go into court tomorrow about Ian's case, so it was nice to relax with Rossi tonight before I had to go in and deal with the accusations, lectures, and the eyes of my whole team and the red cell team, all on me. The stakes were high; if we didn't convince the court that our battle with Ian was necessary then everyone on both teams would be facing suspension or a transfer. My job was on the line, but that I could deal with. Separating the team however, well I wouldn't let that be because of me.


	9. Chapter 9

It was a tough few days in the courts but I eventually won them over and everyone could return to our jobs. It was our first case since we came back now, and I had spent all morning preparing myself to work alongside Morgan again. Since I was still staying with Rossi for now, he drove me to the precinct with him for our briefing, and then we'd only have one car to leave here while we were out of the state. He kept quiet on our way in; he didn't want to disturb my thoughts. Now that we had finished the briefing, I was beginning to get a little panicked. We were about to leave for a case, I would be paired with Morgan like always, because that's what we were. We were partners in the field and we should have stayed strictly that.

Once on the plane, JJ and Reid were sitting across from Morgan, and so I sat down next to him, trying to be as casual as I could. I could feel his eyes on me as I sat and I ignored his glance. Hotch got right to initiating the conversation about the case and we threw out theories, and Reid spat out statistics like he always did.

Once we were about to land, Hotch paired us up to attend different locations; Morgan and I to the latest dumpsite, of course.

"So…how are you?" Morgan asked me after we had been driving for a while.

I rolled my eyes but tried to keep my voice calm, "Good, thank you." I looked out the window to my side and returned to my silence. Thank god that the dumpsite wasn't far from the airstrip; the silence was almost painful, but neither of us seemed too interested in making small talk.

It wasn't difficult to focus on the case and the dumpsite rather than our problems; there were enough details to assess and take notes on that we didn't have time to stand in silence and ignore each other. We were on our way back to the station after about a half hour, and we discussed the dumpsite briefly before returning to silence.

"Hey, stop." Morgan called to me as we walked towards the local police station. I stopped and turned to look at him, "I don't want it to be like this; I don't want you to hate me." He looked into my eyes but I avoided looking back.

"Well maybe you should have thought about that before you slept with someone else." I turned and walked into the station before he could speak again. I heard him catch up to me as I entered the small room where our team was stationed.

"That isn't fair." He said.

I stopped and turned slowly, looking at him, "Excuse me? _Please_ explain to me what "fair" is in this situation." He hesitated and stayed silent, just staring back at me with a sad expression. I really didn't want to have to go through this at work, but I guess it was inevitable for it to come up, at least in the first case or two. He was still trying to get me to forgive him and I was still trying to keep myself together around him. I sat down with the others quietly and looked back at them as I felt all eyes on me. "What?" I asked.

"…Nothing," JJ spoke first, "Are you two okay?"

"Fantastic." I sighed as I took a file from the centre of the table and opened it. I skimmed through the summarised details of our victims as Morgan sat down across from me and spoke about the dumpsite we had just left. Hotch asked if I had anything to add, and I politely told him that Morgan got everything in his explanation.

I needed coffee before long and I went to the break room to fix myself up. JJ had followed me and I half expected her to ask what happened between Morgan and I before we came into the station, but she just spoke about Henry as she grabbed a glass of water. I took a few extra seconds longer than needed before we headed back to the team. I needed to calm myself down or I wouldn't be allowed on the next case.

* * *

"Hey, we're going out for a drink. Red Cell is coming." Garcia said as she approached my desk. We had gotten back not a half hour ago, and they were all standing around me now.

"Uh, I think I'm going to sit this one out. Thanks anyway." I smiled weakly.

"Why?" Rossi challenged.

I sent him a warning glance, "I'm tired, I'm just going to head home."

"We only have one car."

"I'll get a cab." I rolled my eyes.

"Next time, then?" Reid smiled at me comfortingly. I knew that if I wasn't fooling him with my reasoning, then I certainly wasn't fooling the others. No one questioned or accused me of avoiding Morgan, and they made their way out. I caught Morgan's eyes for a few seconds when he turned back before he shook his head and left with the others. I opened my drawer once I was certain that they were gone and I pulled out the letter that Morgan had written me; I had moved it here when we came back to work, because having it at home meant I was torturing myself with its words every night.

I read through the pages carefully as a few tears dripped down onto the paper, adding to the small stained dots that were there from previous nights. I hated that I was so broken over this, but I was so in love with him. It was hard for me to admit to anyone, even myself, but I was; madly and irrevocably in love with him. Even after weeks, I couldn't wrap my head around it; where had I gone wrong? Why wasn't I enough? What could Tsia offer him that I didn't already give him?

I wiped my tears away as I put the letter back into the drawer and grabbed my phone. I called Clyde and listened to the ring. "Hello?"

"I woke you. I'm sorry, I forget the time differences."

"It's okay, darling. Is everything alright?"

I took a deep breath and wiped more tears from my eyes before they fell too far down my cheeks, "No."

"I'm catching the next flight."

"What? Clyde, no, you—"

"Emily, you're crying. I know you well enough to know that tears mean something is seriously wrong. I'll be there by your tomorrow." He hung up then and I put my phone back down onto the desk. I felt bad with the way I treated him when he was working with us. I acted like I hated him, and now he was dropping everything to fly overseas for me, all because I wasn't strong enough to handle this on my own and I was too ashamed to ask anyone on my team or the Red Cell team to help me.

I packed my things into my bag slowly before I stood and slipped my coat on. I caught a glimpse of a picture frame on Morgan's desk, and so I walked over and picked it up. It was the two of us, him kissing my cheek as I wore a large, adoring smile. We weren't even together when we took this, it was just a photograph. Even though I knew him better than anyone, I wouldn't have ever expected him to have a frame upon his desk. Photographs in his drawers, yes, but never a public display. He shouldn't have had it there even when we were together, for Strauss would have found out, but regardless, he did. I put it back in its place carefully and walked out towards the elevators.

* * *

I walked for about an hour towards my apartment, trying to extend the time away before I would be faced with the inevitable feeling of loneliness and emptiness. I called a cab after I got too cold. Once inside, I tried to find something in the house to make. I had made a habit over the past few weeks of skipping meals; I was too sad to have an appetite. I knew it wasn't okay, though, but there was nothing here to make. I hadn't been back here since Doyle staked the place. I walked around slowly and made sure everything was in place and he hadn't been inside at all. It looked normal to me, and so I gave up on trying to distract myself and I went upstairs to bed. I was exhausted, but it was probably a bit too early for me to go to sleep; usually I'd have a glass of wine and watch a movie or run a bath, but tonight I just changed and went straight underneath the covers.

My phone rang before long and I knew that the team had all gone to their homes after a drink or two. I picked up Rossi's call and spoke quietly, "Prentiss."

"Where are you?"

"At home."

"I'm at home and you're not here."

"My apartment. I'm at my apartment, home."

He was quiet for a few seconds before he spoke hesitantly, "I'm not so sure that you should be alone for so long just yet."

I smiled to myself at how sweet he was, "Rossi, I appreciate the concern and I thank you for everything you've done but I'm okay. I'm not going to do anything stupid over a guy; I'm better than that. I'm going to sleep now but I can call you in the morning if that will put your mind at ease."

"Please do. Goodnight Emily." He sounded defeated, but he knew that I didn't like relying on other people and staying with him meant I was relying on his company and presence. I would be okay on my own, I hoped. I hung up and plugged my phone into the charger. It didn't take very long for me to fall asleep in the silence; it was actually rather peaceful being alone tonight.

* * *

I woke unwillingly to the ring of my phone and picked it up, "I hate you."

"Clyde is here." Rossi said softly.

I groaned, "I swear I told him that I was at my apartment. Sorry Rossi, I'll call him."

"He's on his way over to your now, I just thought I'd call in advance so you didn't shoot him." I could hear the amused smile in his voice. I thanked him and hung up before getting out of bed. I went downstairs and unlocked the door before going straight back up to bed; I wasn't in any kind of mood to function. I took my phone from the nightstand and dialed Hotch's number.

"Hotchner."

"Hey, it's Prentiss. I was wondering if it'd be okay for me to take a personal day today?"

He hesitated for half a second, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, I just need a day to clear my head, if that's okay. If you need me in then of course I'll—"

He cut me off, "Take your day, clear your head. Call me or any of us if you need anything."

"Thank you Hotch, so much." I hung up and dropped back onto the pillow. I pulled the blankets tighter around my frame and pulled my knees up into a foetal position.

I was just barely awake when I heard the knock on the door. I stayed silent, knowing that he'd try the handle any second now, and I heard the door click open. I don't recall him ever actually being in this apartment, but I assumed he'd find his way up here eventually. When he came into the room and saw me, no words were spoken between us; he just came to the other side of the bed and lay with me. I clung to him as I closed my eyes and tried desperately to fall asleep before he asked what was going on.

"Em, Rossi told me why you would have called me. I'm sorry he hurt you so much."

"Shh." I hushed him quietly. After a few seconds, he repositioned himself into a comfortable sleeping position and I eventually fell asleep against him.


	10. Chapter 10

I had cried to Clyde for hours after we woke up again yesterday, and tonight he insisted that we go out. He got changed into a button-down shirt and nice slacks, and I found a dark red dress that would do for the night. Gina had texted me earlier and told me that they were all having a night out together tonight and that they'd really love it if I came too, but I declined her offer, said I wasn't feeling well enough to be out, and ignored her following texts.

Clyde chose a place that was popular for dancing, but wasn't anything like a nightclub; it was the kind of place the team and I would have gone to for a more festive night. I had asked him on our way towards the bar how long he would be staying here, but he didn't give me an answer, he just changed the subject. I let it go, and when we got to the bar, I felt myself smile as he wriggled his eyebrows at me in excitement. We headed straight for drinks; he ordered a bourbon for him and a gin and tonic for me. He was telling me a story as we walked away from the bar, and stopped mid-sentence, looking past me. I turned and my smile dropped as I saw the team and the Red Cell team all looking at me.

"So, you're feeling better than you were two hours ago?" Garcia tilted her head. I struggled to find anything to say, and so I just lowered my gaze and walked past them quickly, Clyde following behind me. "Hey, stop!" Garcia called to me, but I ignored her and continued to the other side of the bar.

"Would you like to go somewhere else?"

"No," I shook my head as I glanced at them, seeing them all still watching and clearly discussing me, "No, you wanted to come here, you wanted to dance and distract me and have fun and that's what we're going to do, okay?"

He nodded in agreement and held his drink out to me. I tapped my glass against his with a smile and we took a drink simultaneously.

After a few drinks, Fergie's "big girls don't cry" began to play, and Clyde smirked at me. I shook my head with a laugh and tried to stand my ground when he pulled me towards the dancefloor. I gave in and let him spin me around. I smiled as we danced and laughed as he told me stories of his latest everyday mishaps and dating nightmares.

Once more drinks were thrown back, I was beginning to get a little too wasted to behave, and my anger at Morgan got the best of me when I caught his eyes, as well as the other members, on Clyde and I as we danced. I met Clyde's eyes before I glanced at his lips and bit my lip. He got the message and kissed me immediately. I returned it, not that I particularly wanted to. I didn't have any desire to _be_ with Clyde, but I just wanted to piss Morgan off tonight, and I was certain that Clyde knew it, too. It didn't seem to bother him at all. I let him set whatever pace he wanted, and he seemed more than okay to head home as soon as I suggested leaving.

I tried my best to avoid the table of my team members as I made my way towards the exit, Clyde just a step behind me. He found a cab for us and he continued to kiss me on the ride home; I let him despite how uncomfortable I felt making out in the back of a cab.  
I unlocked my door as quickly as I could and as soon as we were inside, I was pinned to the door as he kissed down my neck hungrily, locking the door at the same time. I sighed at how good it felt, and I could already feel his arousal through his jeans. "Upstairs." I whispered. He lifted my up easily and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he walked towards the staircase. I had to push away the memories of Morgan as he carried me, and I felt guilty to do this with Clyde while I was still so in love with Morgan.

He threw me onto the bed and began to undress me quickly and his lips wondered around my neck and chest. "Now, I know that you're only doing this as a distraction and that all we are is friends." He assured quietly as he slid down my body slowly.

"You're okay with that?" I asked.

"With being your rebound for a night? Absolutely." He went to work before I could say anything else and it took the breath out of me, but I had to stop him quickly. He looked at me with concerned eyes, "You're about to cry…" I hadn't even noticed the tears in my eyes. He climbed over and sat beside me, waiting for me to say something.

"I'm sorry." I closed my eyes.

"No, don't be. You're not ready for a rebound, Em. You're not done with him."

"Yes—"

"Emily, I know you better than you know yourself," He lay the sheet over my body and I thanked him quietly, feeling vulnerable prior to the coverage, "You still want to be with him, and that's okay. Sometimes you need to give people a second chance." I sobbed then as my tears broke through and I got up quickly. I all but ran into the ensuite and closed the door behind me. I slipped my bathrobe on and sunk to sit against the bathtub with my head in my hands. "Do you want me to call JJ, Gina, or Garcia?" He asked through the door.

"No. No, just give me a second, please?"

"I'll go make you some coffee." I called out my thanks to him and stood up. I looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head. I washed my face with cold water took a few deep breaths to calm myself down. I thought about what Clyde had said about Morgan moments ago. I wished I was done with him; I wish that a part of me didn't die every time I saw him now. I hated that I let myself get so close to someone; I never let people in until I became a part of this team, and now that I looked at how much of a mess I was, I realised that I needed to leave. I needed to leave the only real connections I had – apart from Clyde – so that I could feel better again. I _needed_ to feel better again, because living like this couldn't be an option. The way things were going, I wasn't sure how much longer I would _be_ living if I didn't get out now. I took another breath before I decided to go down to Clyde and coffee.

* * *

Hotch gave me Monday off assuming there wasn't a case so I could spend the day with Clyde before I drove him to the airport that afternoon. I returned home and spent the rest of the evening with a book on my couch. Today, work was slow; it left a lot of time for talk between everyone, and JJ and Garcia tried to get my attention long enough to ask why I lied to them. They had been pestering me all afternoon, and of course I cracked right now while all six other members were in the vicinity and listening. I spun in my chair and glared at Garcia, "Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just _maybe_, it's a little too hard for me to be around you at the moment?" It was a lot snappier than required.

"Me singular, or me and JJ, or me and Morgan, or all of us?" Garcia raised her eyebrows.

"All of you." I stood up as I spoke and grabbed my bag. I began to walk away, but she followed behind me.

"Just tell me why you—"

"Because it's humiliating, Penelope!" I looked at her, "For me to be with all of you and know that you're all aware of the situation, it humiliates me. I _hate_ coming to work; I have never hated coming to work before, but now I can hardly get here. So if you don't mind, I'm going to skip every outing I possibly can from now on, unless of course it's an important event."

"But we miss you."

I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head, "I'm sorry Pen, but I just can't." I knew she would be relaying this whole conversation to the others, but I ignored that the best I could; that was the only way I could keep at least some of my already limited pride. It was only ten minutes before an acceptable time for us to leave the precinct, so I left a little early. I made my way down to my car.

I called the same Chinese restaurant I always went to and placed my order before I left the precinct. I drove to the establishment, successfully keeping all team and Morgan related thoughts out of my head. Instead, I thought about what wine I wanted to drink with my Chinese, and what movie I wanted to watch before I drew a nice bath and read my book. There was a bottle shop only around the corner from the restaurant and I had my heart set on a wine that I didn't have at home, so I quickly went around and bought a bottle before returning for my food.

I got my things inside and put the wine and Chinese on the coffee table. I went upstairs quickly and changed into a loose shirt and a pair of sweats, and then went back down. I watched a comedy movie, trying to make myself laugh a little bit, and ate only half the Chinese, where I would usually finish all of it. I put the rest away in the refrigerator and took the bottle of wine and my empty glass upstairs. I put a large amount of bubble bath in as the water ran hot. My skin felt like it was burning as I lay down in the water and I cherished the pain as I sipped at my wine straight out of the bottle, having discarded my glass across the room.

I stayed in there for as long as I could before the water started to cool too much, and then I got out and changed back into my sweats and shirt. I climbed into bed and drank back the rest of the wine before I set my phone down on the nightstand on its charger and turned the lamp out. I wish I could have fallen asleep immediately, but my mind wondered back to Clyde's words about Morgan on Saturday night. I had too much respect for myself to go back to someone like that, didn't I? Surely I wouldn't ever put myself in a position like that again; that would be moronic. Then I began to think about being with him prior to Tsia and how happy and secure he made me feel. If he had just come to me that night with his needs, I'm sure I would have fulfilled them. I still just couldn't comprehend what she offered that I couldn't; _why_ did he choose her over me? _Why_ didn't he come to my room instead of going to hers? What was going through his mind that night? I had to push the thoughts as far away as I could to keep myself from crying over him again, and instead I closed my eyes, listened to my breathing, and let myself drift off to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

It wasn't very long before Hotch changed up the partnerships within our team; now I was paired with Reid, JJ with Rossi, and Hotch with Morgan. It was the only way Hotch could see peace within our work. Now I had been working closely alongside Reid for four weeks, and it was getting easier for me to speak and be present around the team; Reid made me more comfortable somehow. Today, when we returned from our case, Hotch told us we would have tomorrow off, giving us a three-day weekend. This urged Garcia to convince everyone that we needed to go out tonight and they all agreed after little effort from Garcia, and I declined again. I hadn't had a single day or night with them outside of work since Morgan and Tsia, and I intended to stay that way for as long as possible. Reid caught me as I was leaving, however, and now I was going out with them because he told me he and the others all missed me a lot. Red Cell first declined as they did have work tomorrow, but once Garcia filled them in on my attendance, they changed their minds.

Now I walk in with Gina and Reid because I wasn't comfortable enough to come alone. I go to the bar with Reid, avoiding the team as long as I could possibly manage, and he was happy to accommodate me. He pointed out that we had to go over to them eventually, so with a sigh I gave in and took my drink as we turned to walk over to the table.

"Wow, you're still alive." Mick joked.

"Excuse me?"

"We just haven't seen you in a month. Longer actually, I think."

"Well, you could have called." I didn't know how else to reply.

"I did, several times over several weeks. All went unanswered."

"Don't take it personally; she wasn't speaking with any of us outside of work either." JJ said quietly. I ignored the feeling inside of me; it wasn't anger, it wasn't embarrassment, I didn't know what it was, but it wasn't pleasant. It was a kind of emptiness, I guess. I took a deep breath and drank back half my glass before I glanced at Hotch on my right side. He raised his eyebrows and I looked down quickly.

"It's good that you're out," He said quietly, "Really, we missed you." I smiled at him appreciatively and then looked at Rossi who was on his other side. He had obviously been listening, and he nodded with a comforting smile.

"So when you stopped being social with us and you went out with Clyde instead of us, did you sleep with him that night?" Gina asked me casually.

I raised my eyebrows, "Personal…"

"So you did?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, "No I didn't."

"Why not?" JJ asked this time. I looked at her but I didn't reply. "Ah, you couldn't." She nodded and looked at Morgan with an almost lethal glare. She has hated him ever since and she's made sure he knows it. I looked at Reid and he knew I wanted the subject changed to _anything_ else, and so he and Gina quickly spoke about something else to catch everyone else's attention. After a short while, Prophet went to the bar and returned with drinks for himself and Garcia, and I noticed they were sitting extremely closer than usual. I watched them for a while, subtly of course so no one would notice, and he whispered in her ear about something that made her smile. She kissed him lightly and my mouth fell open slightly. I looked down quickly and took my clutch as I stood. I walked away from the table and to the bar without warning, but I knew they would all notice the rush in my movement.

"Hey, are you okay?" JJ asked quietly as she approached me, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder to inform me of her presence. She quickly ordered a vodka martini and looked back to me.

I shook my head, "I have alienated myself so much that I didn't know that one of best friends broke up with one boyfriend and got another."

"Pen and Prophet?"

I nodded in confirmation, "When did she break up with Sam? How long have they been together?"

"She broke up with Sam a few days after you got back from London, but you had already cut yourself off so she didn't know how she could tell you. She and Prophet have officially been together for about a month now."

I took a deep breath once she finished filling me in and dropped some money down because the bartender was busy, and I took my clutch again, "I need to leave. Can you please tell everyone that I said thank you for the night? I'm sorry Jayje, I really wanted to try and be back with you guys but now I'm just angry at myself and upset and I need to go home."

She had a sad expression but she nodded, "I'll tell them. Text me when you get home so I know you're safe please? And call me if you need _anything_. Anything, Emily; I mean it."

I nodded and thanked her quietly. I left as fast as I could get out of the bar and decided against a cab. My apartment was only about a half hour, forty-five-minute walk. It'd give me time to think and cry before I got back to my empty home.

* * *

Once again, I had locked myself away for the rest of the weekend and left my phone off, but I showed up to work on Monday like everything was normal, and then we spent Tuesday through to Friday in the town of Preston, Idaho. It was only just over a four-hour flight on the jet, but it felt longer on our way home. It was a horrendous case; a middle-aged man, former teacher, who kidnapped small children between the ages of three and six. He tortured these poor kids for two days before he killed them and buried them in his back garden. No one spoke on our flight home, no one slept, no one read. We all sat silently and still the whole time.

I got home in the late evening and I couldn't get the case out of my mind; I couldn't let it go. All those kids that had their lives ripped from them at such an early age, all the parents who lost their children. I couldn't take it; I couldn't be alone. I called Rossi before long and asked if he was home. He told me he was and that I was welcome to come over, but then I had another thought. It was not a smart one, but I think I preferred it at the moment. I told Rossi that I might show up in the middle of the night if I couldn't sleep and didn't want to be alone, and he told me to wake him if I did. After I hung up with him, I grabbed my bag, slipped my gun into it, and took my keys on my way out. I headed down to my car slowly and took a few deep breaths once behind the wheel. I closed my eyes and dropped my head onto the steering wheel. I was being stupid, I knew I should just go straight to Rossi's, but something inside of me was not letting that happen. Instead, I drove to Morgan's place.

I sat in my car for twenty minutes out the front of his place. I knew he was here; his car was in its park and his lights were on. I didn't know if he was alone, but I _needed_ this. Badly. So badly.

I got out of my car and locked it before heading up the path. I hesitated before I closed my eyes, let out a breath, and knocked lightly. There were a few seconds of silence before I heard the locks turning and the door opened in front of me. "…Emily."

"Um, hi." I couldn't look at him just yet. I saw him move to the side and I glanced up as he motioned for me to come in. I didn't want to do this, but I had to. I walked through and stood awkwardly in his small entryway. He closed and locked the door, and then turned to me. I tried to speak, to say anything, but nothing came out. I looked down and walked into the living room quickly. I sat down on the couch and put my bag down beside me.

He sat across from me and I saw the concern across his face, "Emily, are you okay?"

Tears pricked my eyes but I tried to blink them away while I shook my head, "No. I guess…I guess I just need to talk about it. The case. I can leave if—"

"Talk."

"The kids, they were just — they had no idea what was happening or who this man was or why he had taken them from their families. They must have been petrified; I can almost hear their cries. I can't get it out of my head. Charlie, Natalie, and Hudson, they didn't even get to start _elementary _school. I just don't understand how someone can do that to some tiny, innocent little kids," I was crying now, "I can't do this job anymore, not on my own. I'm _lonely_ and I'm sick of going to an empty place every night. And every night, it makes me miss you more and more and I can't take it anymore." I was babbling now, just spilling out to him. I continued on, not being able to stop the words from pouring out of my mouth. I didn't look up the whole time, I spoke either with my eyes closed or down staring at my hands. At some point in my vent about how lonely I was, I felt his weight next to me, so I knew he moved to my side. Once I neared the end of my outburst, he took my hand softly and gave me every chance to pull it back and away from him, but I left it in his hand and held on tightly.

"Hey, Em, stop," He cut me off once I sobbed a few too many times, "Look at me," He waited for me to calm my tears over a minute or so, and then I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. My heart ached badly. "Do you have any idea how much I love you, Emily? I fucked up so badly and I am never going to forgive myself for that, but I'm better now. That sounds so cliché, but I need you to know that I have not and will not ever stop loving you, and I will never stop trying to show you that. You say the word and we are back on."

My thoughts went back to what Clyde had said way back on that night when I couldn't sleep with him. _Sometimes you need to give people a second chance_. I took a deep breath before I looked down to his lips momentarily. I pressed mine to his quickly. He responded and kissed me back, but he cut it short once I climbed over to straddle him. "Wait, Em." I waited for him to continue in silence, almost afraid of what he was going to say. "You're upset and you're lonely. I don't want to sleep with you now, only for you to wake up and regret it and hate yourself or me. Don't get me wrong, you have _no_ idea of what I want to do to you, but not now. How about for tonight we go upstairs, just go to sleep, and tomorrow we'll talk, okay?"

I smiled at him and nodded before I kissed him again, softly this time. I shifted myself off him and took my phone from my bag before I stood and looked at him. He smiled at me and stood. I went up to his room, he turned the lights off and joined me quickly. He asked if I wanted to shower first, and I decided I would, and then he gave me one of his shirts that fit like a dress on me. I lay down in bed as he changed and then lay next to me. I moved to lay with my head on his shoulder and he held me close to him. He turned the lamp out and we lay in silence for a while before I couldn't stop myself. "Derek?" I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"When it happened, and Tsia called me before I went to London. What was she calling for?"

"I told her to leave us alone, to go away and not show up again, but she didn't listen to me. She wanted to talk to you about something concerning me, but I'm sure it wasn't a good thing."

"…You were still talking to her?"

"I had her number blocked, but then she texted Garcia and told her to ask me to call her. I did because I wanted to know what she wanted, but she was just stirring me up. I blocked her again straight away. I haven't spoken to her, seen her, or wanted to, since. I promise."

"I believe you," I still spoke quietly, "Through it all, you haven't _lied_ to me about it. I do appreciate that."

"I'm going to fix everything Emily, please believe _that_." He kissed my hair softly. I closed my eyes without replying and let myself relax against him. I smiled to myself softly as I felt the gentle rise and fall of his chest and snuggled as close as I could get to him.


	12. Chapter 12

I spent all day Saturday at Morgan's place, crying, talking, trying to figure things out. We didn't solve much, and so we decided that maybe we shouldn't jump straight back in. We decided we'd take it slow; I'd go out with him and the team again, we'd talk and text more like we did before we were together, maybe grab a drink or lunch here and there. Slow.

On Saturday night however, we had a few drinks at his place, and then we ended up sleeping together already. It wasn't a part of our plan but alas, it happened. I left early Sunday morning before he woke and spent the day at my apartment, doing anything I could to keep myself from thinking about it. Today at work, I showed up earlier than usual because being alone in my apartment gave me time to think about it, and if I wanted to keep my distance to begin with then I needed to _not_ think.

We were in the conference room by ten, and we theorised about the case that we were given like every other time. I avoided looking at Morgan for now, because if I suddenly interacted with him again like I did the others, they would know that something was up. JJ hated him at the moment. Garcia, Reid, and Hotch were all disappointed in him and the way things turned out, but they kept it to themselves. Rossi wasn't too thrilled with having him around as much but that was just because he was too protective of me. I wondered how they'd all react if we got back together at some point, or the Red Cell team. Gina was never a huge fan from the beginning, but she despised him now. Mick and Prophet didn't particularly enjoy his company anymore, Sam stayed way out of the situation.

We were only going up to Baltimore, Maryland, just about an hour and a half drive away. This meant Hotch insisted we drive, as it wasn't too far and we could avoid the hassle of readying the jet. Garcia offered to patch both cars into a call with her at the same time so we could discuss the case like we would on the plane, and we were heading to the two SUV's downstairs before long.

Morgan and Hotch were both driving a car each, Rossi and JJ went with Hotch, Reid and I with Morgan. We only discussed the case for a half hour of our drive before we ended the call and were left with only those in our car. Reid had been talking facts for a straight twenty minutes now. "Reid, for the love of god, please give it a rest." I closed my eyes as I massaged my temple softly to try and ease the headache that had come up. He apologised quietly and began texting once his phone buzzed. Gina, I assumed, by how he smiled.

"Are you okay?" Morgan asked me quietly.

"I just have a bit of a headache; I'm fine. Thanks." I smiled at him weakly and looked out the window.

"About the other night…"

"Reid is right there." I stopped him from continuing.

"What happened the other night?" Reid asked curiously, locking his phone and looking between us from the middle of the backseat. I glanced at Reid and then back to Morgan with warning in my eyes. No one needed to know what was going on. "Are you two back together?"

"No." We both said at the same time.

"Then what happened the other night?"

"Let it go, Reid." I looked at Morgan again with hard eyes and shook my head. He cleared his throat and looked back to the road. The remainder of our drive was spent in silence. When we got to the Baltimore police station, Reid questioned Morgan again about what happened the other night when he thought I wasn't listening. Clearly Morgan thought I wasn't listening too, because he told Reid about what happened through the whole weekend and asked him to keep it to himself. It irritated me, but I knew if the roles were reversed, I would have probably told JJ, Garcia, _and_ Gina by now. I let it go as I entered the precinct and followed the sound of JJ's laugh. "How did you guys get here so much faster than us?"

"Hotch took a shortcut." Rossi said as he sat down with a file. I saw Hotch setting up a board with the little detail we had at the moment, and JJ lay a few things out on the table. "Did your drive go okay?"

"What do you mean?" I sat down beside him and threw my bag into the corner of the room.

"With Morgan…"

"Oh…yeah, it's fine. We're fine now."

"_You're_ fine now? You don't care at all anymore about what happened?" JJ raised her eyebrows in doubt as the boys walked in to join us.

"Did I not go out with the team? Have I not been social again? I'm fine." I rolled my eyes. She shook her head and still had doubt written across her face, but Hotch interjected before she could speak again, telling us that we need to get started on the case right away.

We started with the lead detective greeting Morgan, Reid, and I before Hotch split us up into three groups. Morgan and Rossi to the latest dumpsite, JJ and Hotch to a potential witness home, and Reid and I to the home of the latest victim's boyfriend.

* * *

The case felt longer than it was. It wasn't hard, per say, but it was just draining. I slept the whole drive home and I woke up this morning in Morgan's bed. I sat up and stretched my neck as I looked around the room. My clothes were folded on the drawer across the room and I was in my bra, underwear, and one of his shirts. I got up and changed back into my clothes quickly before walking out and down the hall towards where I heard coffee brewing. "How did I end up here?"

"I tried to wake you up last night when we got back to the precinct but you were out cold, refused to wake up. I just put you in my car and brought you here. I'll take you to get your car whenever you want." He handed me a mug of coffee and I sipped it.

"Sorry." I apologised quietly as I sat down at the counter island. He dismissed my apology and sat beside me with his own mug. A few minutes of silence past before I spoke again, "I heard you tell Reid."

"…Sorry. I know you didn't want anyone on the team to know but the kid is the only person I can talk to at the moment."

"I know, it's okay," I smiled at him reassuringly, "I'm sorry that they're not being nice to you."

"It's my own fault." He shrugged his shoulders as he stood back up and made his way back around the counter, "Are you hungry?"

"No, thank you." I sipped at my coffee as I watched him begin to cook up eggs. With his back to me, I let myself smile as I watched him. I really had missed him, but I needed to take it easy; I needed to trust him again before I could even think about being with him again. After a short while of silence, he sat a plate in front of me with scrambled eggs and a buttered piece of toast. I looked up at him, "I said I _wasn't_ hungry."

"I know, but you didn't eat last night so you're going to eat those."

I looked into his eyes to stand my ground, but I gave in rather quickly. I sighed as I lifted the fork, "Thank you." I spoke quietly. I ignored the victory smile on his lips and began to eat slowly as he sat back down beside me. He asked if I had plans for today and when I said I didn't, he offered to take me to a movie. It seemed a little bit too soon to be going on dates already, but I accepted the invitation anyway, because despite being with him most of the weekend and then all week in Baltimore, I still missed him. I had no doubt that I was still madly in love with him, but that wasn't enough for the moment. Besides, I didn't even know if he really did love me or if he wanted to, and that was the only reason he was trying so hard, or the reason that he slept with Tsia in the first place. I didn't understand how you could betray someone you're in love with like that, but then I thought of Tsia. She always found a way to manipulate people into doing whatever she wanted. For all I knew, Morgan really didn't intend on hurting me, but maybe Tsia persuaded him into it. However, she also could have just done nothing but show her interest and he went for it. It was something I'd never have answers to, I guess. I didn't want to ask about it because that would just upset both of us.

My phone buzzed between us and I glanced at the text from Clyde. Morgan cleared his throat after looking at the contact and he looked at me, "Can I ask you something?"

"I didn't sleep with Clyde." I knew exactly what he was going to ask. He nodded and smiled at me, "I also didn't sleep with Mick despite his jokes about it with Prophet, they're just being immature. I have not been with anyone else."

He nodded again, "Okay," A short while of awkward silence passed before he spoke quieter, "You probably won't believe me but neither have I, since…"

I looked at him but he was moving eggs around his plate slowly; he looked almost sad. "I believe you." I kissed his cheek and stood up. I took my plate and now empty mug to the kitchen sink. I rinsed them and put them into his dishwasher. I walked back to stand across from him, "Well I'm going to head home, shower, change, etcetera. Text me if you decide on a movie and I'll meet you there. Don't worry, I'll get a cab to my car."

"I can take you."

"Enjoy your morning." I shook my head.

He rolled his eyes, "Fine. I will text you with movie details, and I will pick you up."

I smiled and leant over the counter. I pressed a quick kiss to his lips, "Bye." I found my go bag and my handbag in the living room. I took them on my way out and rang JJ as I walked down the path. The busy streets of the area were only a few blocks away, so I decided to walk there and hail a cab instead of calling and waiting for one to show up. JJ picked up my call before long and I asked her what she was doing later tonight. She didn't have plans, and so I invited her over to my place for dinner; that way I could avoid spending another night at Morgan's place. I contemplated inviting Garcia and Gina too, but I wasn't really feeling the whole group thing; just JJ for tonight would be fine. Maybe I could hint to her about Morgan and see if she catches on, yells at me, or lets it go.

* * *

Morgan had taken me out to lunch first and then to a movie. Afterwards, he stopped at a café to grab us both a coffee, and then he drove to a nearby park. We wandered around the large area for a while before we settled on a park bench under the shade of the trees. We talked about anything that came to mind, and he made me smile and laugh like he used to do all the time. I saw him look at my hand at one point and I know he considered holding it, but he decided against it; he didn't know how comfortable I was with that yet. Instead, I intertwined my fingers through his and rested them on my knee.

"I _knew_ something had changed between you two again." I heard Rossi's voice. We both looked to Morgan's right and saw him approaching us, Mudgie walking by his side. He was holding the leash and a tennis ball, and he raised his eyebrows at us.

I groaned quietly, "We're just working things out."

"Yeah, looks like it." He looked at our hands. I loosened my hand on Morgan's to let go but he tightened his, so I left it there.

"Please don't mention this to anyone on our team or the Red Cell team? It's all a little intense right now and we don't even know what's going on." I shook my head.

"She's scared it'll mess everything up like it did when we split," Morgan rolled his eyes, "Touchy subject."

"Well, I'm just walking through; don't let me stop you from "working things out". Stay safe, kids." He kept walking past us and he threw the tennis ball in front of him. Mudgie ran to get it and I looked back at Morgan. He smiled reassuringly and I dropped my head to rest on his shoulder. I needed to leave soon to get some things for dinner tonight and clean up a bit before JJ came, but I could stay just a little longer.


	13. Chapter 13

After our debrief this afternoon following the four days we spent in Seattle, Garcia announced to us that there was an FBI fundraiser dinner, ball, kind of thing. I groaned as soon as she mentioned it, and she shushed me casually. She was excited, and she told us that she already had plans to hack into the seating plans and place us on a table with the Red Cell team who would also be in attendance. She asked for plus ones, although she had already added Will in our team number. Herself and Reid were already with Gina and Prophet, so obviously they wouldn't be bringing someone. Hotch and Rossi informed her that they'd be on their own, as did Morgan. They all looked at me and I hesitated, "Can I get back to you?" I looked at Garcia. She smiled and nodded, telling me to let her know by Tuesday.

"Seeing someone?" JJ smirked at me.

"Maybe, maybe not." I shrugged my shoulders. I felt Rossi, Reid, and Morgan all watching me. Hotch didn't seem to care, JJ and Garcia looked at me with smirks, but they definitely didn't consider Morgan.

After a while, we all went to our desks or to get coffee, to finish the last pages we had of paperwork before we would head home. I looked at the text on my phone as I sat down at my desk. _"Get back to her?"_

I glanced at Morgan behind me but he was facing his desk, his back to me. I texted him back quickly, _"J, G, H kind of notice that I'm not so distant from you anymore; had to make it seem like I was over it."_

He didn't text me back, but I did see him read the text before he put his phone down again and opened a file.

The case we just closed wasn't a hard one to deal with. Well they were _all_ hard to deal with; looking at death and murder all day every day never got easier, but compared to what we've seen, this last case was rather minor. It wouldn't cause nightmares, it wouldn't keep us up for days, it wouldn't cause me to show up on Morgan's doorstep tonight.

After the last two weeks of "taking it slow" with Morgan, I felt ready. Of course I was too worried to say anything, and two weeks was hardly enough time for someone to forgive a betrayal like that, but I _felt_ like I needed to be with him again; I wanted to be with him again. I ignored it the best I could but eventually it'll be too much to ignore, like how we entered a relationship in the first place; the feelings grew too much. I didn't trust him completely yet, I wouldn't for a long time, but I think I trusted him enough. I sent Morgan another text, inviting him to my place tonight and he replied straight away, accepting the offer. Sooner rather than later would be good. I smiled to myself and looked down to the paperwork that I was supposed to be doing.

When I got home, I lit candles all over the house to give it a slightly sweet scent, and then I went upstairs and showered, washed my hair and shaved. I changed into something comfortable but flattering, and I went back downstairs. I checked my phone and saw that he had told me he'd be over soon, and so I put on low classical music and went into the kitchen. I had brought steak on my way home because I knew it was his favourite, medium rare. I made up a garden salad as the steak cooked, and he knocked just after I finished the salad. I opened the door for him and smiled wide. He pressed a kiss to my cheek as he came in and I locked the door behind him. "You're cooking." He sounded almost shocked as he walked into the kitchen.

I smiled as I opened a bottle of wine and poured out two glasses, "You sound surprised."

"I am."

"Steak and salad." I held a glass out to him and he took it with thanks. We were sitting down before too long and we had been talking about the case casually as we ate. I poured more wine for us and put my cutlery down as I looked at him. "Derek?" He looked up and saw the seriousness in my eyes. He gave me a worried look as I put his glass down. "I'm ready."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm ready," I repeated, "And I am positively confident in my decision. I don't trust you one hundred percent just yet, but I think I trust you enough. If you don't want—"

"I do want," He cut me off, "I definitely do." He smiled. I returned his smile and nodded. "So…do we tell them now or?"

"I was thinking…we could just show up at that stupid ball together next weekend. Hold hands when they see us, kiss, dance, and they'll know straight away. I don't want to have to _tell_ them, especially the girls, because I don't want them to insult me or you. I don't want them to have a chance to argue with me or try convince me otherwise."

He nodded, "Okay, it's a date." He winked at me and I leant over to kiss him. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him and I settled with a leg either side of him as we made out. "Are you done eating?" He asked between kisses.

"I can think of better things to do." I let my hands slide down his body to meet the button on his jeans. I heard a plate slide across the table behind me; he lifted me up and sat me on the table in front of him as I unzipped his pants. I was wary of where the plates had ended up behind me and he noticed, so he decided instead that we'd go upstairs. I ran up with the bottle of wine and he grabbed our glasses before following.

* * *

I wore a tight royal blue silk gown, a V-neck and a slit down from my left thigh to the ground. I wore my nicest earrings and my nicest black heels. I threw my phone, card, badge, and cash into a clutch and looked at myself in the mirror one more time. Derek was downstairs; he got ready here so we could share a cab and he could leave his car here. My hair was curled to one side and it was annoying the hell out of me but Garcia had banned us from wearing our hair up. I had spent a little too long on my makeup so we were running a bit later than we planned with the team but they'd be fine an extra twenty minutes without us.

I descended the stairs slowly and I saw Derek turn around from where he stood at the counter island. He had already had a few drinks, and he stared at me when I reached the bottom on the steps. "You are absolutely stunning." He put his glass down and approached me slowly. I smiled and put my arms around his neck as he grabbed my hips.

"Yeah?"

"You know…we could just stay here…go upstairs, have a bath, drink a lot of bourbon."

"We have to go, Derek. Pen would kill us if we didn't show." I kissed him slowly and smiled when we parted. He motioned for me to walk towards the door when we heard a car horn outside. We made our way down to the cab quickly and he gave him the address of the hall.

When we finally got here, I texted JJ and asked if she was here yet. She replied straight away, telling me that everyone except for Morgan, Mick, and I were sitting at our table already. I turned to Derek, "Show time; everyone except Mick is here."

"Nope, Mick's here." I turned to where he pointed as we saw Rawson enter the hall. He mustn't have seen us. "Are you ready?" I nodded and he pressed a kiss to my cheek before he took my hand and we entered the hall. I handed our tickets to the security in the door and he wished us a fun night. It didn't take long to find our table, it was centre front, courtesy of Garcia I assumed. I saw Prophet almost choke on his drink when he saw us. When he spoke, the others all looked at us too, especially to our hands. I saw JJ's posture change instantly. "Here we go." He whispered to me as we neared them.

"What's this?" JJ asked as soon as we reached the table.

"Oh. I'm good, thank you for asking, and how are you?" I raised my eyebrows at her as I sat beside Reid. She shook her head and looked at Will by her side. He motioned for her to calm down and took her hand.

"Would you like a drink?" Derek asked me, ignoring JJ.

"What a stupid question." I looked up at him. He smiled and kissed my cheek as he left to head for the bar.

The team spoke among each other for a short while before JJ spoke and they fell quiet, "Why are you being so moronic?"

"Excuse me?" A sigh lingered in my voice. I didn't want to have to argue about it, and I certainly didn't want it to happen here; I thought she would have left it for a later time.

"He destroyed you and now you're just going to let it go and be with him again?"

"I was miserable, JJ."

"Yeah, because he _cheated_ on you. Do you remember that? Walking in to find him and Tsia in bed together?"

"I am not going to argue about _my_ relationship that has absolutely _nothing_ to do with _you_, in front of the team, and not in a hall filled with FBI personnel. I appreciate your concern, but it is unnecessary."

"Fine." She looked at Will again as she sipped her drink.

The team seemed to let the whole Morgan and me thing go all throughout dinner and dessert. A few more drinks followed our meal, and then people began dancing with significant others and dates. Frank Sinatra's 'The Way You Look Tonight' began to play and Morgan offered me his hand as he stood. Once the song was over, I figured that was it and he was done, but then Jason Mraz 'I Won't Give Up' started and he pulled me back to him.

I smiled as he pressed a kiss to my lips and led me in a simple slow dance, "You're dancing for more than one song with me."

"You like dancing," He spun me around before pulling me back close to his body, "Besides, I don't know how much longer I could take JJ's glares. Also, Strauss is watching us right now."

"Oh no…I didn't consider her attendance."

"It'll be fine; if she brings it up, I'll handle it." He assured before he kissed me again. I rested my head on his shoulder with my body flush against his, relaxing into him, and my eyes caught the several sets watching us from the table of our team. "Are you okay?" he asked after a short while.

"I'm just a bit agitated with JJ, is all. And Gina, because I haven't missed her warning glances to you."

"If you want to hold off—"

"No, Derek. It's not up to them, it's up to me and it's up to you. That's it." I kissed his cheek. He nodded and twirled me again. We continued to dance through Calum Scott's 'You Are the Reason' and Elvis Presley's 'Can't Help Falling in Love', and just a few others before we decided to grab another drink and sit back down with the others.

* * *

We came back to my place late tonight; we decided to stay until the others decided to leave. I made my way upstairs straight away and slipped my heels off as I fell onto the bed, face into the pillow. I was drunk, my feet hurt, and I was exhausted. A few minutes of silence passed before I heard my bedroom door close quietly. "Don't tell me you're asleep." I made a small groaning noise to let him know that I was awake but not for long. He jumped onto his side of the bed and caressed my arse softly before squeezing. I smiled into the pillow but kept face down. I felt his hands slowly move up my body and unzip my dress. He unclipped my strapless bra and the sides fell to the bed. In one swift movement, he flipped me over onto my back and I smiled as he kissed me. He stripped the dress away from my body and threw the bra over his shoulder before he dropped his head to suck at my neck. I closed my eyes as he moved down slowly to my collarbones and then to my breasts. He bit at my nipples and I let a small moan out as I pressed my hips up against his obvious arousal. I grinded into him momentarily and he grabbed my hips in both hands and pressed them down to the bed hard, almost growling. I watched as he pulled my panties down with his teeth, and then once they were to my knees, he pulled them off quickly. He kissed and caressed up and down my thighs slowly. "Tease." I breathed quietly. He laughed quietly as he lifted his right hand and met my core with two fingers and his tongue. I dropped my head back at the contact and gripped the sheets. "Derek, please." I struggled to speak. He responded immediately and gave me exactly what I asked for.


	14. Chapter 14

This morning had gone rather slowly; we didn't have a case today so it was just a day for paperwork. I still hadn't spoken to JJ since Saturday night, and she only smiled briefly to me when I greeted her this morning. She was usually lively on Monday mornings, to which none of us could understand. Today was very different.

After we all had lunch together at a café around the block, we had returned to our desks, and Rossi called me up to his office before long. I wondered what was wrong; he never called me up there, he usually came to me or just texted or called me. I walked in and smiled to him. He closed the door behind me and sat on the small couch across the room. He motioned for me to join him and so I did slowly. "Is everything okay?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing," He smiled at me, "I just wanted to make sure that you've thought this all through…"

"Ah…you're referring to Derek," I nodded slowly as I sighed, "Look, I know you all—"

"It's not about us, Em; it's about you. I spoke with JJ and Garcia, and then Hotch spoke with me. We just want to make sure that you haven't made your decision out of loneliness or pressure."

"He didn't _pressure_ me into anything, Rossi. I came to him, I told him that I was ready."

"Okay," He nodded, "Just, if you need to discuss anything that you don't want to talk to him about, you can come to me, okay? I don't want to sound rude, but please just be careful. I don't want you to get hurt again."

"I will. Thank you, Rossi." I kissed his cheek before I stood. I didn't know if he wanted to continue talking about it, but I certainly didn't want to. I cut the conversation off and left his office quickly, his door open ajar how he normally left it.

I sat at my desk and rubbed my eyes as I sighed to myself; it was exhausting to have to discuss it repeatedly. Derek had been asking me the same things yesterday: was I sure, was there anything I needed to talk about, did I have any doubts, etcetera. I glanced at JJ at her desk to my left before I looked down at my own desk. I needed to get more paperwork done and sitting here thinking about Derek and how the team reacted to us being back together wasn't going to get me anywhere.

The bullpen was quiet, everyone was working at their desks individually. I completed a few pages of my work before I looked up again. I sighed to myself before I stood and walked the few steps over to Derek's desk. "Do you want to get dinner with me tonight?"

"I thought you and the girls were seeing a movie."

"Gina texted me last night and cancelled, so we postponed."

He nodded, "Okay, sure; let's get dinner. I'll pick you up at seven." He smiled and winked at me. His smile made me want to kiss him, but we were at work and that was in no way professional.

I returned to my desk and finished up a file rather quickly. Just as I opened the next one, my desk phone rang. I picked it up while signing a sheet off, "Agent Prentiss."

"Can you please come up to my office for a minute?" Hotch asked. He sounded distracted too. I shook my head to myself as I said yes and stood. He _called_ me instead of walking across his office, to his door, and calling out to me down the steps. When I walked in, he motioned for me to close the door behind me. I sat down on one of the seats across his desk and waited. "I need to talk to you about you and Morgan regarding work."

I sighed and looked down, "Is this going to be a little lecture about how I'm going to ruin the team if something happens again, or you're all worried that I'll get hurt again, or—"

"No, Rossi already spoke to you about our concerns," He cut me off, "When you and Morgan went your separate ways previously, I changed the team around in the field. Now it worked fine, but it didn't work as well as it did beforehand. I need to know if the two of you can work as partners in the field again and maintain a professional demeanour."

I nodded, "We can."

"Are you sure? Because once I change everyone's partnerships back, I would like it to stay that way. We were more effective like that."

"I'm sorry about how everything went down between Derek and I and I'm sorry that you needed to switch things up to keep the peace. Working alongside Derek is a lot more natural than with Reid. Even if Derek and I weren't back together, you should have changed it all back once you decided that we weren't working effectively enough."

"That would not have gone down well with you and we both know it. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it before I spoke with Rossi and switched everyone back."

I nodded, "Thank you." I stood when he nodded and left his office, closing his door over behind me.

* * *

"I know why you asked me to dinner tonight." Derek broke our brief comfortable silence as we began our main meals at the Italian restaurant. I looked up at him and tilted my head, as if asking him to continue. He got the memo. "Everyone on the team thinks you're making a mistake by forgiving me. You highly respect everyone on our team, and now you're questioning us."

I took a deep breath as I set my cutlery down on the sides of my plate, "Not exactly. I told you that I'm ready and I stand by that. It's just that…they're not comfortable with it. I was wondering if in addition to work, we stayed at a friendly distance while around them after hours too, just for a while."

"So you want to be friends with benefits?"

"No," I shook my head, "When they're not around we can be together, but when we have team dinner, team drinks, game nights at Rossi's…maybe just keep it very lowkey for now." I could tell he wasn't happy with what I was asking, but he didn't feel that he was in a position to argue or compromise with me right now. He nodded but stayed silent and looked back to his plate as he continued eating. I sighed inwardly to myself and looked around the restaurant. The whole energy between us changed immediately; I felt awkward, vulnerable, uncomfortable. The silence began to last too long and so I spoke again, "I can speak to them and—"

"Your previous suggestion is fine." He cut me off and drank back the rest of his beer. He was mad, but he was trying desperately to hide it from me.

"I know you're mad."

"No, I'm not."

"Don't lie to me."

"What do you want from me?" He snapped, looking up to meet my eyes. I was taken aback by his aggressive tone. I shook my head as I stood and grabbed my coat and bag. "Emily."

"I really can't talk about this anymore, I'm going home." He tried to stop me again but I kept walking. He had picked me up, so I walked around the corner to a bay of cabs and caught one back to my place before he could follow me out.

When I got to my apartment, I locked up behind me and dropped my things onto their usual table, and then I sat down on the couch with a sigh. It was only just eight-thirty; too early to go to bed. Only a short while of silence past before I stood quickly, grabbing my things again and leaving. I drove straight to Rossi's place and pulled up behind Hotch's car. I took a deep breath and shook my head; I should just leave now. I sat for a few minutes trying to make a decision of whether to go inside or go back home. The front door opened before long and Rossi approached my car.

I lowered my window after he knocked on it. "What's going on?" I stayed silent and took a subtle deep breath. "I thought you were getting dinner with Morgan tonight," He looked at his watch, "It's just shy of nine-thirty. What happened?"

I let out another breath but kept my eyes forward, "I completely understand if you say no because you and Hotch are having a night, but would it maybe be okay if I stayed here tonight? Please?"

He didn't think for a second, "Of course. Always. Come on inside." He opened my car door for me and I stepped out. I walked inside a step ahead of him and greeted Hotch quietly when I entered the living room. I went to continue walking through to the staircase, but Rossi stopped me at the base of the steps, "Stop, turn." I obeyed and waited for him to speak again. "What happened tonight?"

"I really just need everyone to _stop_ talking to me about it." My eyes watered involuntarily and I knew they both saw it. He nodded in understanding and I turned to go up to the room that I always stayed in when I was here. I closed the door behind me and dropped my bag on the dresser across the room. I knew I needed to talk to the team and fix things before Derek decided that it was too difficult this time around, but I didn't know how to do that or where to start. I decided to just text the girls.

"_You need to trust me."_ I texted the same words to all three of them.

I only waited a short while for Garcia to reply, _"You need to do whatever is best for you; just be careful, please."_ I thanked her and wished her a good rest of her night.

I looked at Gina's text as it came through, _"Girl this has nothing to do with me, it's between you too. I'm on whatever side you're on."_

Over a half hour past and I still hadn't heard back from JJ, and so I decided to just shower and turn in for the night. I'd deal with it again in the morning, and maybe I'd go see Derek and apologise, because I shouldn't have left like I did tonight. Just because I was frustrated and confused, doesn't mean he had to be.

* * *

I went and met JJ in the break room early this morning. We spoke for a while and she finally accepted the fact that Derek and I were back together. She did tell me that she didn't want to hear about it when he cheated again, but then she continued on to say she'd always be there for me no matter the situation, and she rolled her eyes.

Afterwards, I walked to Derek's desk and asked quietly to speak with him. He stood up and followed me out of the bullpen and down a hall until I found an empty office. As soon as he closed the door behind him, I spoke. "I'm sorry, Derek. I was frustrated with the team and I just wanted the tension to go away, but that wasn't fair on you. I take back what I said last night; whether the team is with us or not after work hours, we can be as together as you want."

"You don't want that."

"No, I do. I just wanted them to stop talking to me about it and asking if everything was going okay. I just wanted it to be how it was prior to Tsia, but I know that it can't be because a lot is different now, and I thought about it a lot last night and I'm okay with that now," He didn't say anything, he just watched me with an unsure look. "I love you." I finished.

He gave into a small smile and stepped towards me. His hand went into my hair as he kissed me tenderly and I almost moaned just from the small contact. When we parted, the door opened quickly. Hotch looked between us for a few seconds before he spoke, "What are you doing?"

"I was just apologising for something and I couldn't wait for tonight…so…"

"Round table." He left as quickly as he came and I looked back at Morgan.

"That was lucky." He nodded as he walked to the door and motioned for me to leave first.

I led the way down back through the bullpen and into the conference room where everyone else already awaited our arrival. I apologised quietly for our late entrance and sat down beside Rossi. Derek sat next to Hotch across from me and we both looked at Garcia, waiting for her to start. She smiled when she met my eyes and then turned to look at the screen as she pressed the button on the remote. I felt eyes on me and caught Hotch watching me a few times throughout the briefing. Afterwards, the others left at their own pace and I was still in the conference room with Morgan, Hotch, and Rossi.

"I would like to remind the two of you that within work hours – both in the office and on cases – you are to remain professional…" Hotch looked between us.

"I was just talking to him, Hotch." I raised my eyebrows.

"Seriously man, that was it. The precinct is probably the last place I would want to bone her." I threw a pen at him and shook my head, disapproving of his use of words. "What?"

"You're disgusting." I rolled my eyes as I took my file. I looked at Hotch and motioned to the door as if to ask if it was okay to leave. He nodded and I went out to my desk. I needed to gather my things for this case.


	15. Chapter 15

A few weeks past and everything was fine, both within the team and within our relationship. I think they had all readjusted to the idea and let me do my own thing unquestioned. The case we had been on this week had been one of the less gruesome ones, so easier for us to handle, but JJ had been keeping to herself all week. We were supposed to be sharing a hotel room all week, but she had opted to book her own room and pay herself to have her own space, rather than share with me under FBI funds. The men of the team questioned if everything was okay between the two of us, and as far as I knew, it was. I didn't get a chance to see what was up with her; every time I tried to speak to her she found something she needed to do urgently.

Finally, the plane ride home would be a lengthy one, and so I took the chance and sat across from her on the opposite side of the plane from everyone else. She acknowledged me with a small glance but returned right back to her file. I let a few minutes of silence pass before I knew she wasn't going to initiate the conversation, and so I sat forwards and took the file from her hands gently. "Jayje, please talk to me?"

"I'm fine."

"Please? Let me help you." I tilted my head. She shook her head as she stood, and she walked to the other side of the plane to get a cup of coffee. I followed her quickly, "JJ."

She sighed as she looked at me. I saw the tears welling in her eyes and it worried me further. I waited for her to try and compose herself. "Um…there's just a lot of stuff going on."

"Tell me."

She took another unsteady breath as a few tears dripped down her cheeks. We both knew that the four guys were silent and trying to listen but we both ignored it. "I found out two weeks ago that…that Will was…"

"Cheating?" I asked quietly. She nodded and sobbed as she looked down. "JJ I am so sorry."

She shook her head, "Last week I was going to talk to you about it and ask how you overcame that obstacle with Morgan. I have a kid and a life with him; I didn't just want to throw everything away."

"So what happened that stopped you?"

"He left." She sobbed again.

"He _what_?"

"He upped and left; went back to New Orleans with her. Left me, left Henry. He apologised to me and told me that I just wasn't what he wanted; apparently Henry wasn't either. I don't know what to do. I called him on Sunday and asked if he wanted to still see Henry even if he didn't want to be with me and he flat out just said no. He doesn't want to know our child. He left his whole life behind for us, and now he's changed his mind. I don't understand what I did wrong or why Henry has to lose him too."

I shook my head with tears of my own in my eyes, and I hugged her tightly. She fell into my embrace and returned it just as tight, still crying rather heavily. "There is nothing you did wrong, Jayje. He didn't appreciate or value what he had for whatever reason, and there is just nothing you can do about that. I'm so sorry." I held her for a long while as she cried, not even fazed by the fact that the guys were watching with concern across their faces. She excused herself to the bathroom once she parted from me and I sighed to myself as I walked back into the main space of the plane and looked at them. I looked down, "Do me a favour and give her next week off, please?" I looked at Hotch. He nodded.

When we landed, I offered to come to JJ's place with her for company and someone to vent and cry to for as long as she wanted. She accepted the offer straight away and I knew it was just because she couldn't bare being alone with just Henry in that house at the moment. She told me they stayed in a hotel last week. Henry thought it was for fun, JJ knew it was because if she stayed there, she didn't know what she'd do to herself. I insisted on making dinner for us and bathed Henry for her while she had a glass of wine and relaxed on the couch. He said goodnight to her and I put him to bed and read him a storybook of his choice.

I sat with her afterwards with my own glass and she thanked me several times. "JJ, it's okay. Just because he left, doesn't mean you have to do this alone. Hell, I'll move in and be his dad."

She laughed quietly and looked down, "I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. He is already asking where Will went; what do I tell him? Do I tell him that he won't be back? What do I do when we're on cases? Do I need to resign?"

"Hotch single parents just fine."

"Hotch has Jessica. The only person I have to leave him with is Garcia, and she works when we do. My mother offered to come and stay here with us and watch him while I was away until I figured out what to do, but I couldn't make her do that."

"Why not?"

"She has a life and a job; It's not fair on her to give that up for us. God only knows how long it'll take me to sort it out. I mean, I could ask the babysitter that used to take him when we were both working, but that is a _lot_ to ask."

"Maybe you should take a week or two off, explore your options, and then make your decision. You don't have to decide everything right now, okay? It'll turn out okay. You are strong and independent, and you have the team; you can do this."

"How do I tell them what's going on? I mean, I know I don't _have_ to tell them, but I should, right? They're my family; I need to tell Pen, and that means Morgan and Reid too, so why stop there? May as well just tell them all at once."

I shook my head, "That's up to you, Jayje; I can't help you with that choice."

"Can you tell them for me?" Her eyes were pleading.

I thought about it before nodding, "Okay, yeah. I'll talk to them on Monday."

She wanted to change the subject, so she asked about how things were with Derek. I told her everything because I didn't want her to think about Will again. She asked me to stay with her for the weekend and I accepted easily, and then we went to watch a movie in her bed.

* * *

We spent the weekend at home, I played with Henry and distracted him whenever he asked about Will, and JJ tried her hardest to keep herself together around him. She spent a lot of the time writing things down, calculating her weekly pay and what she needed to cut down on. Neither of us had thought of a solution for Henry while we were on cases, though.

I contemplated suggesting that Henry stay with Jessica and Jack too, considering the two boys were quite close, but I didn't say anything. I didn't know if JJ was comfortable with that and I didn't know if Jessica would be either. They barely knew each other, only meeting a few times at Haley's funeral and a few of Jack's birthday parties.

I headed home early this morning to shower and repack my go bag with clean clothes before I headed for work. I was met by Garcia at my desk and she asked a million questions. I didn't answer anything, I just asked if she could get everyone in the round table room for me. She moved quickly to gather the others and I texted JJ to make sure that she wanted me to tell them for her. She replied almost immediately, confirming that she couldn't do it herself.

"What's going on? Where's JJ? Where have you been all weekend?" Morgan asked as I walked in.

"I was with JJ. Um, she wanted you guys to know what was going on but she didn't want to tell you, so I'm going to do it for her," I took a breath and shook my head as I thought about it, "A few weeks ago, JJ caught Will with another woman in their bed. Since then, Will has told her that he doesn't want to be with her, left with this other woman back to New Orleans, and said that he didn't want to have contact with Henry. It's an understatement to say that JJ is a mess, but I've convinced her to have some time off to settle and figure out whether she needs to resign for Henry or if there is someone to take him while we're away."

There was only silence for a while as I looked down at my nails. "But that isn't like Will at all…" Garcia finally spoke.

"How well did we really know him, though? We only saw him on team occasions." Reid looked around at us.

I went to speak again before I saw blonde hair out the corner of my eye. I looked to the door and tilted my head, "JJ, what are you doing here?" She had tears down her face, her eyes and cheeks red.

"I let Henry stay home today and I explained that he wouldn't be back and then I couldn't stay home."

"…What if you go home now and try to relax, and those of us who can, will come over after work and get all his stuff out and we'll make the house all yours."

She thought about it for a few seconds and then met Hotch's eyes, "Do you have a case?" He shook his head. "Can Pen and Emily come with me now?"

"Of course." He nodded. I think that we all knew that she couldn't bare the house alone.

* * *

We ended up going shopping and buying new bedding, new ornaments, new décor. When we got back to JJ's place, I began to cook a large pasta and Garcia told me that the team would be here soon. When they got here, we all ate together and tried to seem as normal as possible for JJ and Henry, and then after Morgan and I cleaned up, we began boxing whatever JJ said she didn't want. Garcia offered to fill the photo frames that contained Will with new pictures of JJ and Henry, but I told her to leave a few around, just for Henry. There was no doubt that the boy would miss his father before long. I'm sure JJ would remove them eventually, but for now they should stay.

"Why does he seem okay with it?" Garcia asked quietly as we watched Henry play across the room; the whole team was in silence.

"I told him that even though daddy was gone, that didn't mean that he didn't have a dad. I told him he had four." She nodded and smirked at the guys of the team.

"Oh, that's so cute." I laughed. Derek kissed my temple and I dropped my head to rest on his shoulder. Spending the last few days here didn't leave much time for me to sleep and so I was exhausted. I closed my eyes against him and he ran a hand lightly up and down my opposite arm.

"Home time." He said to me after a short while once he started noticing that I was falling into him.

I turned and looked at JJ, "Are you going to be okay here?"

"I feel a lot better now that it's my space and not "ours". However," she looked at Garcia, "Feel free to stay over if you want." Garcia smiled and nodded.

We said our goodbyes to the team and I drove back to my place, Derek right behind me. I waited for him to join me outside of the cars and we made our way upstairs quietly. I wasn't in the mood for sex tonight, so I just showered straight away and lay in bed while he showered.

When he lay beside me and kissed my cheek, he took a breath before speaking, "I don't want to freak you out right now, but would you ever consider kids?"

I dropped my head to the side and looked into his eyes, "I suppose one day I could consider it." Warning bells rang inside my head but I blocked them out the best I could. He smiled and pressed a soft kiss to my lips before he switched the lamp out. I lay with my back to him and he wrapped an arm around me, whispering a goodnight in my ear. I needed to go to sleep before I thought about his question on kids. There was so much more going on at the moment, I didn't have time to think about having children. Did I even _want_ children? Did I want them with him? Well of course if I was going to have kids, it would be with Derek; I loved him and I intended to spend the rest of my life with him. But what if we had a child, and then he left like Will did to JJ? How did people have children without worrying about the other parent's actions? I clenched my eyes shut and forced myself to concentrate on the warmth of Derek wrapped around me.


	16. Chapter 16

After a month of Will's absence, JJ was still a mess, but she kept it behind closed doors now. She was back at work, Hotch had spoken to Jessica, introduced her to JJ more formally, and now Henry stayed with her and Jack while we were on cases.

"Modesto, it's such a fun word to say." I flicked through a file on the jet. Even the morbid case didn't bother me so much.

"You have been so weird all morning, are you okay?" Derek looked at me at his side.

"I'm in such a good mood. After this case, we're all going out and getting drunk because I want to."

"Okay, let's discuss." Hotch spoke as he opened his file and looked down. We theorised and Hotch assigned us jobs for when we arrived, and then I skimmed back through the file once we were finished. Four brunette middle-aged women had been taken from the street, raped, and then murdered. We had seen so many of these that they didn't even affect me anymore.

When we landed, Rossi and I headed for the last dumpsite. We shared what we saw and what we thought it all meant. Once finished, I stole the keys from his hand and ran to the car, "Shotgun driving!" I called out behind me. It was strange to the whole team to see me acting like this at work; I wasn't always in the most upbeat mood, but today was different. I wasn't sure what had me so happy but I was sure that it didn't look normal to all the local cops. I just had a weird feeling.

Rossi called Hotch on our way and asked if there was anything else he wanted done before we went to the police station. He told us to come in, and so I stopped at a café nearby, grabbed six coffees, and then went around the corner to the station.

When we walked in, they all thanked me as I gave their coffees to them and Hotch asked what we found. Rossi spoke about most of it, I added a few details here and there. "Also, can I please request not to go out with Emily again? She talked my ear off the whole way there and back. I have a headache." The others laughed, Hotch wore a small smile that disappeared as quickly as it came.

"Please don't let her talk to any families." JJ joked. I looked at her with a small smirk, and then sat down with the others. I had to calm down to get work done or I would be absolutely no help here.

* * *

Our second day here, I was off to a potential witness's home. JJ was supposed to be with me, but she was asked to assist in speaking with one of the victims' families, so I assured Hotch that I was fine on my own. It was a fair drive, just under an hour. I assessed the outside of the house as I walked up the path to the front door. I knocked, removed my sunglasses, and took my badge from my pocket. The door opened and I was greeted by a rather attractive middle-aged man. He smiled politely, "How can I help you?"

I lifted my badge, "Agent Prentiss, FBI. I'm here to talk to you regarding the woman that was taken last week?"

"Yeah, Chief told me you were coming, Come in." He stepped to the side and I thanked him quietly as I entered his home. It was unusually neat for a single man; they were normally a lot messier than this. My eyes caught a few picture frames of him with a few different women. He led me to the living room and offered a seat. I sat and he left, returning minutes later with two coffees.

"Thank you. Mr Wyatt, would you mind if—"

"Oh, please, call me Andrew," He interrupted. I smiled politely and went to continue before he spoke again, "Agent Prentiss, may I ask your first name?"

"…Emily."

"Emily, that's a lovely name; I've never met an unsuccessful Emily. How long have you been with the FBI?"

"Almost five years. If you wouldn't mind, Mr Wyatt, I'm on a bit of a schedule, so if we could move to the questions—"

"We've got all the time in the world." He interrupted again. I definitely felt off now. I glanced down at my phone and saw the "no signal" flash. I had signal just outside when I got here.

"What did you see the day Larissa Crawford was taken?" I looked down at the notepad and clicked my pen.

"I saw a pretty brunette woman, and I though, wow she would make for a fun night." I looked back up at him quickly and I saw the smirk on his lips. "You look alarmed, Emily."

"Agent Prentiss." I corrected. I stood then, but he stood too. I froze and looked at him again. In one swift motion he went for my gun. I reacted fast and caught his arm, twisting it behind his back. He kicked his foot hard under my legs to trip me and took my gun from its holster and cocked it. "Mr Wyatt…"

He hushed me quietly as he walked over and took my phone from my pocket. He threw it on the ground and I took a half a step back. The women in the photos, they weren't family or friends; he didn't even know them. They were victims. I took a deep breath to calm myself. "Now, I know your colleagues will know you're here, so I'll take these," He took my keys from my pocket, "And they'll find your car a half hour away with a cleared GPS. You will be downstairs in the basement, waiting for when I get back." He nudged me to walk with the gun and I obeyed, silently cursing myself for not being more cautious when I first entered the house and felt uneasy. Once I was in the basement, he lifted a cuff attached to a long chain and I shook my head. When he approached me, I punched him hard and tried to grab my gun back, but it was like he didn't feel the punch at all. He pushed me back into the wall hard and it knocked the breath out of me. I tried to pull my ankle away when I felt the cold metal on it, but he already clipped it around. He smiled at me before he uncocked the gun, tucked it into his waistband, and then left the basement. I heard several locks after the door closed, and now I was left in a dull basement. Of course, my team would come here when they realised I wasn't back within an appropriate time frame and hadn't called. I looked around me; the basement was soundproofed, which made sense considering he had neighbours.

I assessed the surroundings; a mattress with stains and a blanket, an armchair, a small table with two chairs; a small drawer sat beside the staircase. Other than that, it was empty. It smelt musty, and slightly of bleach and disinfectant. I tested how far I could go with this chain on my ankle, and it was just short of the staircase. I let out another breath, this time unsteady, as I realised that I might be here for a while. Surely Garcia would be able to recover the GPS information, but I couldn't be sure. They really could believe that I never even got here.

Going out alone as a middle-aged brunette woman wasn't very smart, but I was an agent; I should have been fine, but I wasn't careful. I trusted that this man was a witness, but he just wanted to inject himself, to see what we knew, what was going on with the investigation.

The dining chairs looked the safest, so I made my way over and sat down. There were no windows, no natural light, no other way out apart from the door down from the kitchen of the house. I saw a bucket in the corner now and I grimaced to myself. "How the hell did you get in this situation, Emily?" I asked myself quietly. I didn't need to panic yet; I had faith in my team. I would start to worry if more than a few hours passed before they got here.

* * *

I lost track of time before long with no indication of how long I had been down here. I heard the locks and I took a deep breath. _Calm. Stay calm. They're coming._ I could smell something greasy, it smelt sickening almost. He appeared with a big brown paper bag, and he approached the table slowly. I glared as he smiled at me, and he set out fries and a burger in front of me before sitting across the table with the same. He began eating, and he talked to me about his day.

"Is this some fantasy for you?" I cut in after only a short while.

"…Your food is getting cold."

"You are making a _big_ mistake, Andrew. Let me out and I can say you cooperated; cut your sentence down."

He snickered, "If I get caught, I'm never getting out. I'd rather have some fun while I still can. You can't run forever, after all." He winked at me and then looked back down as he continued eating. After he finished, he began to tell me how the rest of the evening would go. He took clothes out from the drawer and set them on the end of the mattress. His demeanour changed to dominant, angry, full of hatred, in seconds. "Put those on. I'll be back soon." He left quickly and I took a second before I walked over to the clothes. I lifted the two-piece lingerie set and I shivered. I shook my head as I dropped the set and I turned, looking around again. I ran to where the chain was stuck in the wall. I tugged as hard as I could, I tried prying the cuff from my ankle, but only caused several nails to bleed. Evening. He said evening earlier; that meant I had been here for a few hours now. Where was the team? Why was I still down here?

He came back not a long while later. "I told you to put these _on_!" He was aggressive and he glared at me with furious eyes. He lifted the set and threw it at me before removing the cuff from my ankle, "Now!" I didn't move, but then he pulled a knife and I began to unbutton my shirt slowly, looking down and turning away from him. "Agent's Hotchner and Rossi came by about two hours ago. I told them you were never here. They told me to call if you showed up," He laughed, "They're not very bright, are they?" I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing.

"They'll be back." I turned around and glared at him. He approached me quickly and I sucked in a breath as he pushed me against the wall. I turned my head and he smelt my hair. His hands ran down my sides and stayed at my waist. I tried to pull away but there was nowhere to go. "Get off me." I kneed him in the crotch and pushed him out of the way. I ran up the stairs of the basement, but the door was locked. I flicked the lock as I heard him curse and get up. I tried the handle again, but it needed the key. I turned when I heard his steps on the stairs and he grabbed my arm, yanked me back off the staircase, and I fell to the ground. He gripped around my throat; his eyes were wild with anger. I stared back at him and refused to give him the satisfaction of my fear.

He stood and pulled me to my feet by my hair. He threw me onto the mattress next and I pulled myself as far away from him as I could. "Stop." My voice wasn't as demanding as I wanted. He grabbed my ankles and pulled me towards him. Now I was underneath him and I turned my head away again.

* * *

**(JJ. POV)**

I began to panic when Hotch and Rossi returned to the station and told us that they didn't find Emily. Derek worried the most, understandably. He jumped right into action despite Hotch's order for him to stay put for now. He was calling Garcia and grabbing his things before Hotch could tell him again. Her phone still went straight to voicemail; Garcia tried to track it but it was off, of course. A part of me worried that the unsub had gotten her, but a bigger part of me worried that something had happened and she ran from us again; she _was_ being unusually cheery lately.

"I'm going to call Clyde." Reid spoke quietly as he stood and left the room. While he explored that possibility, I turned to the board behind me and viewed the case; I would explore this one.

* * *

**(Reid. POV)**

"Clyde, it's Reid. Have you heard from Emily recently?"

"Not for a week or two, we've missed each other's calls. Why's that?"

"We're on a case and she was acting out of character. She went to speak to a witness and never came back; she does match the general victim type, but we don't know whether she's with our unsub or if she left on her own accord. We're worried."

"Where are you?"

It surprised me how easily Clyde and Emily would drop absolutely anything and be there for the other. "We can't let you join the case; you need to be invited in. We're in Modesto." He hung up as soon as I said it, and I decided to ring Gina before going to fill the others in.

* * *

**(Morgan. POV)**

I drove straight to the petrol station where Hotch and Rossi had located the SUV she took. It was already gone, back at the station. I looked around the immediate area and saw nothing of value. I went inside and waited for the attendant to finish serving a customer. "How can I help you?" He smiled at me.

I flashed my badge and I saw his smile drop in confusion, "Agent Derek Morgan, FBI. Have you seen a brunette woman driving a large black SUV today? The car was parked just there," I pointed to the spot Hotch had described, "Her hair would have been down, about mid-upper arm length. She's pale, wearing a neutral brown lipstick, probably had black sunglasses on?"

"Two agents were already in here asking about that car. I saw a black SUV there, but I didn't see the girl you're talking about. A guy parked it there, came in and brought five bottles of water, called a cab, and left."

"Called a cab?" I grabbed my phone out and checked the time, "Do you remember what time, roughly? Perhaps the licence plate?" Hotch and Rossi hadn't mentioned this at all. "Did you explain this to the previous agents?"

"They just asked if I had seen a female driver, I said no," He shrugged his shoulders, "I do have cameras if you'd like to look?"

I nodded, "Please." He called someone else from the back to take his place at the counter and led the way through the back of the building. We entered a small room with just a desk, two chairs, and a computer. He brought up the footage and I waited for him to choose an estimated time. I kept checking my phone every few minutes for a text or call from her, but there was never anything there. I watched the footage through twice before I took a copy, thanked him, and left quickly, calling Hotch as I did.

"What have you got?"

"I couldn't make out the guy in the footage; I'm bringing it back. I'll send it to Garcia and see if she can get a clearer picture."


	17. Chapter 17

After he had his fun, he threw a water bottle at me. I didn't know if it was drugged or not, but I was too dehydrated to care right now. I hadn't had water since early this morning and I just cried a lot of it out of my body. He left me down here then, and maybe a half hour past before I realised that the water had been drugged. It was strong, a large dose. After feeling lightheaded for a while, I began to black in and out. When I woke again, I didn't know how much time had passed; it could have been minutes, it could have been hours. I looked around the basement and saw Derek sitting at the table across the other side. "Derek." I let out a breath. I watched as he stood and approached me slowly. An evil-like smirk crossed his face as he lifted a gun to me. My gun. I sucked in a breath, "Derek, it's me. It's Emily. Derek please." I began to panic when I saw him staring right at me without even a small waver of the gun or his smirk. A sob escaped me and I closed my eyes tightly. I shook my head quickly, and it made me begin to black out again. I could hear a laugh fading out as I lost consciousness, but I wasn't sure if it was Wyatt or Derek; I couldn't make it out. Why did he hold a gun to me? Why wasn't he helping me?

* * *

Three more times, I had seen Derek after Wyatt took advantage of my restrained and impaired state. All of which, Derek still threatened me with my gun, and laughed, and smiled at me. Not once did he help me. I yelled at him, I begged him, I told him I loved him, but nothing helped. I didn't try to stop the cries after the second time.  
I wasn't sure how long I had been here at all anymore; I lost all track of time, what day it was, or if it was morning, afternoon, or night.

I let myself fall back into a sleep as soon as I woke; I didn't want to face this anymore. I was hungry, thirsty, tired, and so goddamn terrified. If Derek hadn't helped me, what was to say the others would? I was going to die down here; Wyatt will murder me like the others. I didn't sleep for long; I woke again to a loud crashing sound above me. It startled me and caused tears to run down my cheeks again. I blocked my ears, clenched my eyes shut tight, and shook my head. There was another loud bang that sounded like it was in here, so I removed my hands from my ears and looked at the basement stairs, fear so obvious in my body language, and probably my eyes.

Hotch ran down the staircase quickly with Rossi, JJ, and Reid behind him. I wanted to call out to them, to get their help, but I was afraid that they'd do what Derek did. I didn't want them to leave me here.

"Emily! Thank god." JJ ran over to me quickly, holstering her gun. She stopped in her tracks when I whimpered and pulled myself as far away from her as I could get. She looked at the other three who stood a safe distance away. They all looked equally confused and concerned.

"Guys? Is she down here?" I heard Derek call as he descended the stairs.

"No, no, no." I repeated to myself as I dropped my head into my hands. I felt my body rock back and forth; I shook my head to try and make them go away.

"Yeah, but she's drugged," Reid replied to him, "I'm not sure what drug, but she's not all here."

I felt a weight in front of me on the mattress and I looked at Derek there before I tried to back up more, although my body was already pressed into the corner. "Em, babe, it's me." I kept shaking my head and tears still fell from my eyes. He hesitated before he looked at the other four behind him, "Could you guys please go upstairs? I don't want to overwhelm her any more than we already have." I heard their footsteps fade out before long and Derek sighed. "Emily?"

"You didn't help me. Why didn't you help me?" I cried.

"I'm here to help you, Em. Let me get you out of here."

I shook my head as I sobbed, "You were here, and you had my gun to my head and you kept leaving."

He shook his head now, "You were drugged, Emily; you were hallucinating. That wasn't real. _I'm_ real, Em," He took my hand and kept hold despite my effort to pull back. He pressed my hand to his chest, over his heart, "Feel that? I'm real, Emily. Please, babe."

I focused on his heartbeat under my hand. It was quick, like he was terrified too. His hand over mine suddenly felt warmer and made me feel safe. I opened my eyes and looked into his, "Derek?" I moved my hand from under his to his cheek. "It wasn't real. You're real." I spoke to myself more than him, and then I threw myself into his arms. He wrapped his around me tightly and I felt better, safer. I felt him touch my ankle and I looked, watching him unlock the cuff around it. He dropped the key and stood, lifting me with him. "I love you so much." He kissed my hair and returned the words softly.

He held me close to him as we left the basement and the house. The sun gave me a headache and I groaned quietly. He took me straight to an ambulance and kissed my temple before stepping back and letting the paramedics look me over. They asked what I endured but I couldn't tell them, not with Derek and the team right there. They were listening; they wanted to know if they got to me in time before he raped me. I couldn't tell them that they didn't. I didn't want them to feel guilty, but more so, I didn't want them to know that it happened to me at all, regardless of how they would react. An overwhelming amount of shame and embarrassment made me feel sick. The paramedic handed me a vomit bag just in time. He asked if I knew which drug I had taken but I couldn't get the words out of my mouth to reply, so I just settled for a shake of my head.

* * *

I wasn't in hospital for longer than the night. They hooked me to an IV, got the drugs out of my system, ran a rape kit. I begged them to keep it all away from my team and they assured me that no information would be shared if I didn't want it. I told them that they couldn't tell the team _anything_ about what happened to me, although there wasn't much else that they didn't already know. They let me go this morning, and I exited the hospital without the wheelchair that they always made you use. I refused and I left before they could come back with another nurse. The team stood outside in a circle and JJ called out to me, but I kept walking quickly. I couldn't face them, and definitely not Derek. I felt like I had betrayed him, cheated on him. The thought caused sobs to rise in my throat but I forced them away and I hailed a cab and told them to take me to the hotel where my go-bag waited.

I went up and grabbed my things quickly before making my way back down and giving my key back. The team was in the lobby already, waiting for me. I avoided all eye contact and walked past them and outside. I heard them follow behind me and I felt JJ catch up to me. She took my arm gently to stop me and turned me to look at her, "Em, did we…_get_ to you in time?" I knew she was asking if I had been raped.

"Am I dead?" My voice was so quiet that I wasn't even sure if I had spoken. "No I'm not, so you got to me in time."

"You know that wasn't what I was asking…"

"He did not rape me." I ended it there and walked towards the SUV's before she could say anything else. My voice sounded confident that time, so she might have just believed me.

I got into the first car, knowing that Hotch would be driving this one and not Derek. I still hadn't even glanced in his direction. I couldn't. Rossi got into the passenger seat and I felt like they were going to try and talk to me about it too, so I readjusted myself so I could appear to sleep instead, although the airstrip wasn't very far from here.

When we reached the air strip Rossi called out to me softly to wake up. I pretended that I had been asleep and I climbed out of the car slowly. Hotch already had my bag over his shoulder. Rossi put a hand on my back, intending on it being a comforting touch, but it just felt violating. I shook him off and walked a little bit faster in front of him. Just as I went to ascend the steps up to the plane, Derek put an arm out to stop me and guided me to the side to stand with him. He waited for Hotch and Rossi to go in and he looked at me. "Emily, are you sure that—"

"I'm fine." I cut him off.

"You're either mad, upset, or both."

"I'm both because that guy beat me and I let it happen. Don't shake your head, Derek. You weren't there, you don't know." I still hadn't met his eyes. I made my way up the steps quickly so he couldn't counter me. He followed me into the plane quickly.

"You won't even make eye contact with me; not since we left that basement. You are mad and—"

"Derek, back off!" I spun around and looked at him for the first time and my heart broke. He looked so guilty, so hurt that I just yelled at him, and in front of the team too. The mirror on the wall by the door behind him came to my attention. I looked utterly furious, but I looked terrible. My hair was done how it was every day, I was dressed professionally, but my face and body looked worn out, exhausted. However long I was in there, the stress certainly took a toll on my body. I turned away and quickly went to the far side of the plane, as far from them as I could go, and sat with my back to them. I took a deep breath and dropped my head into my arms onto the table in front of me. The silence of the plane was painful, but it'd make it easier for me to fall asleep quickly. I glanced at my phone and determined quickly that I had been with Wyatt for four days. I closed my eyes and turned my head back down.

* * *

"Em, wake up." I heard Derek call softly. His hand rested on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and glanced at him. He gave me a weak smile before he stood and let his hand slide off me. I stretched my back out as I stood and saw him waiting for me with my bag at the end of the plane. He looked at me again when I stood next to him and I kissed his cheek gently so he'd know that I wasn't mad with _him_. He followed me down the stairs and we went to the car that Reid waited in. We drove behind the others to the precinct and once there, I took my bag and went straight to my car; I didn't bother going inside to drop off or pick up anything.

On my drive home, I kept looking into the rear-view mirror and every time, I saw Derek following behind me. I pulled up where I always parked and I took my bag with me. I didn't wait for him to park or get out and join me; I headed straight up to my apartment. By the time I got to the door and struggled to unlock the door, he was right behind me. He took the key from my hand softly and unlocked the door for me. I went straight inside and put my holster in its drawer, dropped my handbag, and went upstairs with my gun and go bag.

I decided to shower; that way I could prolong the time away from seeing Derek and acknowledging the fact that I had been with someone else, and that I wasn't going to ever tell him about it. I grabbed my loofah and scrubbed my body from top to the bottom to the point of pain. The water was too hot on my skin too, but I just told myself that I needed to be clean. When I finally got out, I wrapped a towel around me and left the bathroom. Derek was sitting on my bed waiting, and he raised his eyebrows when he looked at me. "Did you scrub enough? Your skin is red raw." I continued to the drawers across the room without a word and grabbed a pair of panties out. "Emily," I heard him stand from the bed and approach me slowly, "Please just talk to me." I glanced in the mirror to my right to ensure that the bruises on my thighs were covered by the towel.

I turned around and faced him, "Please leave me alone?" My voice was so quiet; I was scared that if I spoke at a louder volume, then my voice would crack.

He took a deep breath as he looked away in thought, and then his eyes returned to me, "I am staying here tonight, but I will stay in your spare room. If you need me, come get me, no matter the time." He kissed my forehead softly and I closed my eyes at the contact. I squeezed his hand as if to thank him and he left my room, closing the door behind him.

I took a slow, deep breath before I dropped the towel from my body and looked at the bruises on my hips, on the inside of my thighs, on my breasts. They were so dark that I knew it would be a while for them to completely disappear. I looked away before long, not capable of bearing anymore of that sight. Tears filled my eyes and I held my breath to stop the sobs rising in my throat. When I was confident that they were gone, I let my breath out and tears rolled down my cheeks in silence. I quickly got changed and into bed. It was only eight-thirty but there was nothing I could do here to keep my mind off it and I couldn't leave the room without having to see Derek again. I could hear the faint sounds of the TV on downstairs. I turned my lamp out and clenched my eyes shut.


	18. Chapter 18

I had woken in the middle of the night to nightmares of Wyatt and Derek with my gun. Derek had run in to calm me down and then stayed with me for the rest of the night when I tugged him to lay with me. This morning when I woke up, I assumed Derek would be at work, and there was no way I would be allowed in for at least two weeks. I made my way downstairs after about an hour of staring at the ceiling above the bed, and I was only slightly surprised to see Derek making coffee. I should have known he would stay near me. "Hey." He smiled briefly to me before he looked back to what he was doing. I grabbed a mug and looked at him when I stood at his side. He filled my cup for me, "I was going to go in this morning and grab the paperwork I need to get done and bring it back here, but after last night I just didn't feel comfortable with leaving you alone while you were asleep."

"It was just a nightmare." My voice was still barely audible.

"You were screaming, begging me not to shoot you." He had so much concern and guilt in his eyes that it hurt my heart. I shrugged my shoulders as I looked down and sipped the coffee. He sighed quietly and kissed my cheek as he went to walk past me, but he stopped as soon as I flinched. He stood at my side now, looking at me. I turned my head away from him and I heard him continue towards the living room.

I took my coffee with me and went back upstairs. I grabbed my bathrobe and made my way to the bathroom. I ran a bath and watched the water fill silently. When I got in, it burnt my skin. I ignored the pain and tied my hair up before sitting back. I assessed the marks over my body. Derek knocked before long and started to open the door, "No! Wait!" I had never jumped out faster, and I wrapped a towel around me and made sure the bruises were covered again. I walked to the door and opened it, looking at him. He raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"You don't normally get out of the bathtub and wrap a towel around you before you let me into the bathroom…" I dropped my head and waited for him to continue, "Anyway…I'm heading into the office to keep Hotch up to date on you and grab some work. Do you need anything while I'm out?" I shook my head quickly. "Can you look at me, please?" I looked up slowly and met his eyes with hesitation. "I love you, Emily." I smiled slightly in return and he kissed my forehead. He walked away after looking at me one more time, and I returned to the bathtub.

I closed my eyes and slid underneath the water. I stayed under for as long as I could before I needed to breathe again. My phone buzzed beside me and I looked at Gina's text; She asked me to drinks with everyone tonight. I declined bluntly and turned my phone off; clearly they hadn't been filled in.

I got out of the bathtub after I had spent too much time mulling over my time with Wyatt. I had to do something to keep my mind off it. Once dressed, I hooked my phone up to my Bluetooth speaker, turned the music up as loud as it would go, and began to deep clean my apartment.

After about an hour and a half of cleaning, the music softened and I turned around to see Derek beside the speaker. I looked down immediately and took a breath. Without a word, he turned it back up – although not all the way – and sat down on the desk in the corner with his files. I watched him as he opened the top one and I noticed how drained and upset he looked. I knew it was because of me; he knew I couldn't look at him, communicate with him. He interpreted that as distrust. I walked past him and let my hand slide across his shoulders. I went to the kitchen and got two bottles of water out. On my way back to where I was, I placed the water beside him. He watched me the rest of the way, "Thank you." I gave him a weak smile in return, but I still didn't meet his eyes.

I sat down on the couch and stared at the TV, although it wasn't on. I had nothing left to clean, I had no desire to watch, read, or do something. I disconnected my phone from the speaker and made my way upstairs slowly. I knew he watched me walk up, but I ignored his eyes. I went into my room and sighed to myself. I felt tears well in my eyes as I remembered the look on his face earlier. I closed the door behind me and stripped down to my underwear before climbing into bed. I turned my phone off again and lay it screen down. I lay in silence for about a half hour before I heard my door open slowly. I kept my eyes closed and my breathing even; at least I wasn't crying anymore, although my face would've been blotchy red. I heard him take a breath. He kissed my temple gently and brushed my hair behind my ear, "I love you." He whispered on his way out of the room.

* * *

When I woke at around midnight, I noticed something obstructing part of my view. I took the sticky note from my forehead, switched the lamp on, and read the message;

"_I've gone home. Call me if you need anything, at any time. My phone is on. I love you. -D"_

I smiled to myself slightly. This was my chance to get away from him. I could leave; leave Virginia, or the states. I shook my head to myself and I rejected the idea of running. Instead, I got up and tied my robe around my body. I made my way downstairs and saw that he had forgotten his keys to my apartment. Did he forget them or did he leave them on purpose? I took them and made sure the door was locked. I grabbed a glass of water and made my way back upstairs, because it was too late to do anything now anyway.

Once I was back safely under the duvet, I picked my phone up. I took a deep breath as I watched it turn back on and all the message tones played over each other immediately. Most were from Garcia and JJ; I had one from Rossi, two from Reid. I opened Morgan's text; he told me he accidentally left the keys, but he'd be over tomorrow.

I turned it back off straight away and threw the covers over my head, immersing myself in complete darkness. I closed my eyes and tried as hard as I could to go back to sleep, but instead I found myself replaying my time with Wyatt repeatedly. What could I have done differently to prevent what happened? I could have gotten the hell out when I felt uneasy in the beginning. I could have texted _anyone_ on the team just to let them know that I got there when I first arrived. I could have _called_ and filled them in on my surroundings; like how secluded the home was from the street or neighbours, or how the basement window on the side of the house had been completed blacked out. That wasn't exactly _normal_ around that area. I basically set myself up for disaster there. Although he wasn't a suspect when I got there; he was a witness; I wasn't on guard at all.

* * *

About a week had passed; I hadn't answered the door when Derek knocked. He couldn't get in without knocking my door down or asking another member of the team for their keys, which he didn't do. He texted me twice a day, asking how I was and telling me that he loved me, but I never replied. I was getting lonely despite my desire to be alone, so when I got a text from Rossi asking me to come have dinner at his place tonight, I eventually accepted.

When I arrived at his place, I saw everyone else's cars, and a car I didn't recognise. I took a few deep breaths at the door before I knocked and let myself in. When I walked into the living room, my eyes immediately landed on Clyde. "…What are you doing here?" I was exhausted all the time this past week and I didn't want to have to deal with this on top of the others right now.

"Morgan, Reid, and Garcia called me." He stood up. I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I avoided everyone's eyes. "You look like you haven't slept in two weeks. They told me what happened; they asked me to help you."

"Thank you for coming but I have no need for your "help"." I watched him as he walked around the table and through the living room towards me. I backed up when he got too close and I walked into the table behind me. Only one or two things knocked over, but it was enough for everyone to note my anxiety in this situation. "Please leave?" I spoke so quietly.

"Watch how far you push your family away; they might not come back. Morgan might just be giving up on you already." He stepped back and began to leave. That last part hurt me. Was Morgan going to give up and leave me? Could I handle that right now?

"I _never_ said that." Morgan assured from across the room. I heard the front door open and close, and I let out a breath.

"Excuse me." I felt like I was going to be sick and it was rising fast. I went to the bathroom quickly and only just reached the toilet in time. Morgan announced himself as he knocked quietly and let himself in. He held my hair for me until I was finished. I flushed the toilet as I put the lid down. I turned to sit on the lid and dropped my head into my hands.

"Babe, I'm not going anywhere, okay?" He rubbed my knee softly. I nodded to tell him that I was listening, and I took a deep breath before standing again. I rinsed my mouth out before drinking from the faucet, and then turned to him. He smiled at me and opened the door for me. "Are you okay? How long have you been sick?"

"Not long. I'm fine." I reached the living room and walked around the couch to sit down. He followed and sat beside me.

"You look exhausted." Gina gave me a kind smile. I tried to smile back but I knew it wouldn't be convincing, and I look down at my hands in my lap. I picked at my nails and Derek placed a hand over mine to stop me.

They began speaking as a group again and I glanced at Derek beside me. He was listening to JJ with a small smile, and I couldn't help but smile to myself. It was only small, barely noticeable, but it was there, and it felt good.

Before long, Rossi left the room and returned a few minutes later to announce that dinner was ready. They all stood and made their way to the dining room; I waited for Derek to stand and pull me with him. I stayed by his side – he didn't let go of my hand – and he pulled a chair out for me. He knew I would prefer to sit at the end of the table and close to the exit, so that's where he sat me. I stayed silent all through dinner despite their efforts to talk to me. I only nodded every so often and forced a few small smiles. I mostly just stared at my plate – still feeling too nauseous to eat much – and sipping my wine. After dinner, Rossi, JJ, and Mick cleared the plates, and we stayed at the table while they chatted. Derek put an arm around the back of my chair his hand slowly moving lightly up and down my opposite arm. A week ago I might have felt too enclosed in this position, but I was okay with it today. I managed eventually to move closer to him and drop my head to rest on his shoulder. He kissed my hair and I closed my eyes; he felt so warm.

I stayed until the others were leaving, and then I made my way to my car and threw my bag into the passenger seat. I stopped for a second before I turned and walked back over towards the porch where Morgan still stood with Rossi, Hotch, and Sam. They fell silent when I reached them. "Okay, you're obviously talking about me. Come see me when you're done?" I turned to Derek. He nodded and I walked back to my car slowly. I stood staring at my boots and ignoring the cold the best I could for another five minutes before I heard him approaching me. I looked up and heard two cars start. I waved back to Hotch and Sam as they motioned goodbye and I looked back to him. "Hey."

He smiled, "Hey." He looked so happy to hear me speak at a normal volume.

"Are you coming back to my place?"

"That depends; are you going to let me _inside_ your place?"

I dropped my head down, "I'm sorry."

He placed a curved finger under my chin and lifted my head, "It's okay. So you want me to come with you? I can see the panic in your eyes right now and don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you; I'll let you initiate that when you're ready."

I smiled slightly, "Thank you," I nodded, "If you don't mind coming over…but if you want to go home then that's okay too."

He snickered before he kissed my forehead, "I'll follow you out."

When he walked away, I saw Rossi still standing on the porch. I shook my head and he smiled, laughed lightly to himself, and then waved. I returned his wave before I turned and stepped behind the wheel. I started the ignition but waited for Morgan to be in his car and started before I moved around the driveway and down towards the road. I wasn't sure yet if I'd ask him to stay with me or in the spare room, but tonight made me miss everyone and I needed him around.

* * *

Morgan sat beside me on the couch for a while now, although we were both on our phones. I was getting too tired to stay up any longer, so I locked my phone and turned to him. It took a second for him to notice my eyes on him before he put his phone down and looked back. "Are you tired? You look drained." He spoke first. I nodded. "Do you want me in your room or the spare room?"

I took a breath in before I met his eyes again, "Can you stay completely still for a second?" He gave me a confused face, but he nodded. I took another breath before I looked at his lips and moved towards him. I hesitated an inch from his lips, and then I closed my eyes and pressed mine to his gently. He returned it, despite my request for him to stay still. I pulled back after only a second and opened my eyes. He looked back at me in silence. "I'm sorry." I whispered softly.

He shook his head as he put his hand around to the back of me and pulled me to him gently. He kissed my forehead, "Don't be sorry, Em. You went through something traumatic." I knew he wanted to know what exactly happened for me to act like _this_ for as long as I have been, but I knew he trusted me when I told them all that Wyatt hadn't raped me. Thinking about his trust in me made my heart and stomach ache badly; so much guilt filled me every time I thought about it. My eyes started to water and I tried to blink it back, but he noticed. "Don't, Emily. Everything between us will stay exactly how it is until you're ready, okay? I'll wait as long as you need me to." I closed my eyes, nodded, and dropped my head down as I took in another deep breath. He took my hand softly and stood, pulling me with him. "Let's go to bed, okay? I'll start in the spare room and if you need me at any time through the night, either come get me or text me, okay?" I nodded again as I walked up the staircase a step before him. He kissed my forehead again at my bedroom door, wished me goodnight, told me he loved me, and then went across the other end of the hall to the spare room. I watched him walk into the room before I turned and went to my own. I lay down and stared at the ceiling. Only a few seconds passed before my tears began to fall down my cheeks heavily.


	19. Chapter 19

"I don't know, Jayje. I still don't feel very well." JJ was trying to get me to go out with her, Gina, and Garcia tonight. She said I need to get out of my apartment and see someone that wasn't Derek. It had been three weeks since I last saw everyone at Rossi's, and now Derek stayed at my apartment every two to three nights. At least he could stay in my bed with me now. I could kiss him again. We hadn't quite reached the sex stage and I didn't know how long it would take me, but he must have been getting frustrated by now.

"You've been feeling unwell for weeks now; are you lying or is something wrong?"

"I'm not lying to you, JJ."

"What are your symptoms?"

"I don't know. Nauseous, I'm constantly exhausted no matter how much rest I get. I'm hungry but nothing smells or looks good to me. My stomach is cramping, but my period isn't due for another…no, it was due last week and I didn't even get it. I'm just not well."

"…I'll be there in twenty." She hung up before I could ask why she was coming over; it wasn't like I was dying. I put my phone down and sat back on the couch slowly; if I moved too quickly, I would become lightheaded for a little while.

I lay down across the couch for a while before I started to drift off, and then the knock on the door woke me up. I got up with a small sigh and glanced at JJ through the peephole before I opened the door. Henry must have been with Penelope or Reid. Before I could speak, she walked past me into the apartment and put a grocery bag down on the kitchen counter. "When did you pee last?"

"Excuse me?" I raised my eyebrows. She took a box out of the bag and held it out to me. I took it and saw that it was a pregnancy test. I shook my head, "Jayje, I'm not—"

"I think you are. Take it, please?" She emptied the bag that contained multiple boxes of saltine crackers, two bags of pretzels, and a four pack of little jello cups. She put the jello in the fridge and turned back to me.

I took a deep breath and made my way upstairs. She was right behind me and stood on the other side of the door as I opened the packaging and sat down. I took a deep breath and used the test. I placed it face down on the counter as I washed my hands and I opened the door. JJ walked in and looked at me, "So?"

"Give it a minute," I rolled my eyes, "But it will be negative. We haven't slept together since two weeks prior to Wyatt's case. I think I would have known before now if I was." We stood in silence for another minute or so before she lifted the test and turned it over. Her eyes widened and she held it out to me. My breath caught in my throat as I saw the plus.

"Congratulations; I hope Derek is the one."

I shook my head as I took it from her hand, "No, I would have known. It must be false. I need to go to a doctor."

"Okay, I'll drive." She walked back out and I took a second before throwing the stick in the trash. I got it back immediately; I couldn't throw it away in the apartment, Derek might see it. Instead, I grabbed my things from my room, slipped on my boots, and followed JJ downstairs and out of my apartment. I threw it in the trash just outside the apartment building and got into JJ's car.

The drive felt like it took forever. I probably should have called and booked an appointment, but I don't think I could wait. Her phone rang when we pulled up and I saw Garcia's name flash as she checked it. She declined the call and then quickly texted her as we walked inside the practice. I spoke to the receptionist and we only had to wait about fifteen minutes before a doctor called me in. I pulled JJ with me; I wasn't comfortable with men I didn't know yet; I was just barely comfortable with the men I _did _know.

* * *

I sat in JJ's car with tears streaming down my cheeks. She thought this was great; she thought I miscalculated when I slept with Morgan last. The doctor estimated that I conceived five weeks ago. This was Wyatt's baby. She couldn't know that; no one could. I have to abort it.

"So when are you going to tell him?" JJ was so excited; she could barely sit still as she drove.

I took a deep breath, "You were supposed to go left there."

"Derek and Pen messaged me; everyone is at Rossi's for a few drinks."

"I don't want to go—"

"Emily, I'm not going to say anything to anyone; that's your business. But this is great, Em," She looked at me, "Imagine how adorable this child will be. So beautiful and clever and just perfect." I closed my eyes and tried to hold my sob back but I was unsuccessful. She glanced at me again, "Why aren't you happy? Don't you want kids? Derek is your—"

"It's not Derek's." I cut her off. I regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth, but I couldn't keep this just to myself for one more second.

She pulled over straight away, turned the car off, unclipped her seat belt, and turned to me, "Excuse me?" I sobbed harder at her tone. "Emily, you cheated on Derek? Why would you do that? I though you loved him?"

"I didn't cheat on him," I spoke through my tears, my voice unsteady, "I lied to everyone. Think about it, JJ. What happened five weeks ago?"

There was a moment of silence before she realised, and her mouth fell open as tears began to fill her eyes, "Oh Emily, why didn't you just tell me?"

I cried harder, "Because then I would have had to tell everyone else too and I am so ashamed and disgusted, and I just wanted to forget it ever happened. But now I'm pregnant with Wyatt's baby and I have to abort it. I can't tell Derek; I don't want him to feel betrayed, and –"

"Whoa, slow down," She cut me off, "Betrayed? Emily, Derek wouldn't feel that way at all. Would he hate Wyatt even more? Absolutely. But he would never, _ever_ blame you for that. And you don't "have to" abort it. You need to talk to Derek, tell him the truth, and see where that takes you. I think he would be more than willing to raise a child with you, even if it's not biologically his."

I shook my head, "No, no I can't." She let out a sigh, but she didn't speak again. She sat with me in silence for what must have been a half hour as I cried. She held my hand and didn't pick up her phone as it received messages and once, a call. Eventually, I began to calm down and she started the car. She turned around and headed back towards my place. I expected her to go to Rossi's where I assumed everyone would still be, but instead she came back up to my apartment with me. I let her, despite my desire to be alone right now. I went upstairs to bed and she lay with me. She texted Derek and let him know where we were and that she would stay here with me tonight. She then texted Reid and asked him if it was okay for Henry to stay with him for the night.

We spent hours in bed. She drank a bottle of wine, I drank water, and we talked about it. I described what really happened during my time with Wyatt the best I could without losing my cool. She tried to make a game plan of how I would tell Derek, and what we'd do about it. She even presented the possibility of abortion too in case that's what we decided we wanted. She looked up abortion clinics and searched the best, most successful practices. She wrote them down in her notes on her phone rather than on real paper where Derek might find them. I cried a lot, she let me. She even cried a few times too, but not nearly as much or as intensely as me.

I was just started to slowly piece my life back together, although I hardly got far. Now this had derailed what minimal progress I had made. I don't know if I had the courage to bring a child into the world that possessed half of Wyatt's DNA. Through work, of course we study whether serial killers are born or raised into that life, and it usually turns out raised, but being pregnant from one makes me consider otherwise. Maybe I should talk to my mother; I'm sure she would be more than willing to come to an abortion clinic with me. On the other hand, she did recently tell me that I need to start thinking about children, so maybe she wanted grandchildren after all.

* * *

I woke up late in the morning and wished myself back to sleep for a while before I stopped trying. I got up and tied my robe around me as I made my way downstairs where I saw JJ in the kitchen and Derek sitting at the counter island. I stopped and took a deep breath as I looked at his back. JJ saw me as she turned and stopped talking. She smiled at me and motioned for me to come over as she turned back to the coffee machine.

"Hey princess." Derek smiled at me as I sat down on the stool beside him. I returned his smile and kissed his cheek. JJ slid the mug of coffee over to me and I thanked her quietly. I stared at the coffee swirl in the mug and they began talking between each other again. A few times they tried to involve me in their conversation, but I eventually got up and sat down on the couch across the room instead.

Once she finished her coffee, JJ left to see Reid and pick up Henry. Derek joined me on the couch, "Hey, are you okay?"

I looked at him for a few seconds before I let out a breath, "Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled weakly. I put my mug down on the coffee table and handed him the remote. He took it and began looking for a movie on Netflix. I lay down across the couch with my head resting in his lap and pulled the blanket from the back of the couch across my legs.

Once he chose a movie, he readjusted himself underneath me and leant down to kiss my hair, "I love you." I took a deep breath and I wanted to return his words like I always did, but it didn't feel right now with the news I was keeping from him. "…Emily?"

"Hmm?" He tapped my shoulder for me to sit up, so I did and looked at him. He raised his eyebrows. "I... I love you too."

He shook his head as he paused the movie, "Do you? I understand that you went through something and that you're struggling, but you've _never_ been like this. Even when Doyle came back, you were fine after a little while. What happened with Wyatt that has you like this?" I shook my head as tears filled my eyes. "Em, please? I am begging you to just talk to me."

I stood quickly, "I'm going to shower." I walked away as fast as I could, and I heard his sad sigh behind me. As I undressed in front of my mirror, I looked at my body. The bruises were gone, but the shameful feeling was still here. I sobbed as I dropped my head, and then I picked up a vase of fake flowers and threw it at the mirror. Both shattered and fell as I dropped to the ground. It was only seconds before Derek ran in, obviously having heard the shatter. He quickly went into the ensuite and began to run the water into the bathtub. I heard him open the cupboard where my bath salts were stored. He came back and held my hands as he pulled me up slowly. He pressed his lips to my forehead for longer than he usually does and whispered his love for me, and then he led me into the bathroom.

My heart skipped a beat when I looked into his eyes. He helped me into the tub and as he turned to leave, I took his hand again and pulled him back towards me. Although I was sitting in the water now, I still tugged on his hand. He leant down and I put my hand behind his neck as I guided his lips to mine. It was only quick at first because he didn't want me to be uncomfortable, but I pulled him back again and pulled his shirt from his body as I did, only parting the kiss once the shirt reached his neck. Once off, my hands moved down his tones abs and met his belt. He put both of his hands over mine quickly, "Wait," I took my hands back and waited, "Are you sure you're ready?"

I nodded, "Please?" I wasn't exactly _affected_ by the rape now in that aspect anymore; it was more the shame of not being able to accept it, or admit it, or forget. But now that I had this new stress brought upon me, I really just needed something back from before Wyatt, and I figured this would be a good distraction. He took it slow and made sure I was okay with every step.


	20. Chapter 20

Almost a month had passed and I still couldn't make my mind up, and I still couldn't tell Derek. I tried to speak to my mother about the pregnancy and how it happened, but once she found out that I was back with Derek at the beginning of the conversation, she stopped me from continuing to what I called for, and I hung up still lost.

I decided I needed to confide in someone that wasn't JJ. At first I thought maybe someone that wasn't so close to Derek or me, but then I realised that all I had was the team, Clyde, or Sean. I had to choose the one furthest from me, and so I called Sean last week, and he would be here today. I told him we could talk over the phone or even video chat, but he insisted on coming here. Once I questioned him excessively on why he was so eager to come back to the States, he told me that Derek and Garcia had also called him last month when they had called Clyde.

I was sitting on Rossi's back porch with everyone else now. I watched and listened to Henry and Jack running around, playing and yelling across the large yard to each other. Mudgie was running around with them, switching between which boy he would trail.

"Ever thought about having your own?" Gina asked me from across the table. I turned my attention back to the table and saw her smile. They were all looking at me. I avoided looking to JJ for help.

I shook my head, "No, not really. I've never really wanted my own." Of course I did, but I felt uncomfortable saying that due to the situation I was in. I glanced at Derek; he was staring at me from my left. "What?" I asked him quietly once the team all started a new topic for discussion.

"You don't?"

"I don't know, Derek. I wasn't going to talk about it in front of everyone." All he did was nod and tune back into their conversation. I glanced at JJ and she smiled sympathetically at me. She was well aware that I still hadn't told Derek or made a decision, but she was beginning to push me a bit more to open up to him. She told me that the longer I waited, the more hurt he would be that I've kept both the rape and the pregnancy from him, but I just couldn't do it.

"Oh, did you guys hear about the case we worked a few weeks ago? His last victim found out she was pregnant and committed suicide last week. It was one of the saddest articles I've ever read." Reid spoke quietly.

I snickered and looked down, although it was a lot louder than I intended and they all heard it. I felt all their eyes on me and I cleared my throat before looking up again and sipping my water. JJ quickly asked Reid about the article and the attention was off me again. I let out a relieved breath, but I knew Derek still had his eyes on me.

"Did you quit drinking? I haven't seen you touch alcohol in quite a while." Mick asked from my other side.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I did. Figured it might be easier to set my mind straight if I'm not clouding it." I smiled at him. He nodded, although he didn't seem too convinced in my reasoning.

I checked the time after a while and saw that Sean would be landing in about an hour. He already assured me that I didn't need to pick him up from the airport, but just text him where to go once he was here. I told Derek he was coming, so naturally, everyone knew now, and Rossi insisted he come to a team dinner here tonight. I would text Sean when he landed.

"Are you sure, Em?" Garcia asked as she poured more wine into her glass.

I hesitated before I nodded, "Sure, one glass couldn't hurt."

"Oh, yes it can," JJ sat up straight, "I really don't think you should have any. No, don't give her a glass. Pen, don't." JJ tried to stop Garcia as she poured a glass. She sat back with a defeated look when I took the glass from Garcia and sipped the wine.

"What is with you?" Reid asked her.

"Nothing is "with me", I'm just trying to help Emily because she's still not herself and she's been making really good progress since she stopped drinking." She was pulling at straws, but she covered fine. I rolled my eyes at her and continued my wine. I was nearing the end of my third glass of wine when I excused myself to the bathroom. JJ followed behind me and closed the door behind her. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm aborting."

Her shoulders slumped slightly, "When did you decide that? Have you spoken to Derek? Isn't Sean coming to help you decide that?"

"Did you hear Reid, JJ? I don't want that to be me. I just can't bring his child into the world, I can't. I'm sorry, I know you wanted me to keep it, but you have no idea how damaging it is knowing you're carrying a serial killer's bloodline." She had tears on her cheeks. "JJ, Derek is not going to want to raise a child that belongs to someone else. If he raises a child, he'll want it to be _his_, and it's not like I can do this alone."

"I'm here?"

I shook my head, "I'm sorry JJ, I'm not going through with it."

* * *

Sean had dinner with the team; they all laughed a lot and he told stories. He seemed a lot more laid back when Clyde and Tsia weren't around. I guess he didn't feel like he needed to be a leader when they weren't here. Eventually, the night had to come to an end, and I asked Derek if I could have the night with Sean alone. He looked suspicious, but he obliged and went back to his own place. I drove Sean back to my place and showed him to the spare room where he would be staying.

"You didn't need to come all this way, Sean. But I do appreciate it." I smiled gratefully.

He nodded, "Now tell me what's going on." He sipped at the wine I had offered. I was on water again, although I wasn't sure why. I told him everything. Start to finish, case start to case end, and everything afterwards. I cried during most of it, and he just listened quietly. When I was finally finished recounting it all, he let out a deep breath as he shook his head and set his glass down on the coffee table. "Well first of all, I think that you really need to talk to Agent Hotchner, because if anyone from the bureau finds out and it hasn't been in any file, and the one in charge thinks your team knew, you'll all be in trouble. Secondly, I think that you need to talk to Morgan about it before you make any decision. Thirdly, you need to consider the possibility that you go through with this baby, and it turns out to be like you. What if it has no resemblance to Wyatt at all? If you raise this child, it won't turn out like him at all, and I think you know that, Emily. I think you're just too scared to come clean about it with your team so instead, you're telling yourself that this is a serial killer's baby, and not acknowledging that it's your baby too."

"Okay, first, I can't tell anyone else because they will be mad with me, and they'll want me to keep it. Secondly, there is no way in hell that I have the guts to come out and tell Derek about _any_ of this. Thirdly, …you're right. I didn't want to admit the fact that the baby will be half me as well. However, what if it comes out looking exactly like him? What if—"

"What if it doesn't?" He cut me off, "You're either aborting on a fifty-fifty possibility, or you're going through with it on a fifty-fifty possibility. Some would say going through with it on a sixty-forty possibility, considering those strong Prentiss genes. You're not going to know until it's born. Also, you could go through with it, see how you feel, and if you really, positively can't do it, then you could put it out for adoption? Find a couple that can't have a baby, give them yours. There is so much more to consider, Emily. Don't make your decision now. You have a while." He nodded.

"I'm two months pregnant, Sean. I don't have long. I could start showing next month!"

"Give yourself a week or two." He drank his wine again. I just nodded and took a deep breath as I sat up properly. I was still nauseous all the time, and that didn't seem to be getting better any time soon. I changed the subject away from me after a few moments of silence, and he began to tell me about how his daughter was going. She had started school this year, and I could tell how proud he was of her. He adored her more than anything, it made my heart ache a little bit. I could have that.

* * *

Sean returned to Scotland only three days after his arrival. Today, I sat in the waiting room of the abortion clinic for an hour on my own before I had been called in. The team was on a case, JJ couldn't be with me, but that was okay; this wasn't her problem. The doctor ran a quick ultrasound, and I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time. It made my eyes start to fill with tears, but I blinked them away. The doctor noticed though and asked if I was sure about it. I eventually gave into the ache in my heart and changed my mind. I called Sean afterwards; he was so happy to hear that I hadn't gone through with the abortion.

Once I got back to my apartment, I texted JJ to let her know that I went to the abortion clinic but then didn't do it. She texted back almost immediately, expressing her happiness. I left the conversation there and turned my phone off. I knew Derek would call me later tonight after hours but I wasn't in any mood to talk after today. Instead, I put a movie on and lay down on the couch.

When I woke in the morning, I was still on the couch, and Derek was crouched in front of me, brushing my hair behind my ear, "Good morning, princess." I sat up slowly and pulled him to me. I hugged him tightly and he returned it willingly. "Are you okay?"

I took a silent deep breath and nodded, "Yeah, I just miss you." _Already._

He smiled, "Hotch wants to know if you want to come into the office for a little while today and start work again? We've noticed how bored you're getting."

I bit my lip, "I might go in this afternoon, I've got a few things I need to do this morning." He nodded and kissed my forehead before he stood and went to the kitchen. I heard him turn the coffee pot on, and I went upstairs to have a quick shower. I cried for a while, but I made sure not a trace was left before I went back downstairs. I sat on the couch with my coffee, lying against him as he turned the news on.

I texted JJ and asked if she was at the office or at home; she replied almost instantly, saying she was still at home with Henry. He should have been at school already, but I guess she was taking him later so she could spend some time with him. I told her I needed to talk to her after Henry was at school, and she gave me a time to come over.

I lay with Morgan for another half hour before I kissed his cheek, took our mugs to the kitchen, and then went upstairs to get changed.


	21. Chapter 21

"So you're telling me that you don't want to abort, but you still can't tell Morgan, and now you're leaving?" JJ asked me. I nodded in confirmation. "Well where are you going to go? London?"

I shook my head, "I was thinking Australia; I've never been."

She sat for a few seconds and I could tell she was in deep thought, so I waited silently. "…Well, what if maybe Henry and I came with you?"

I raised my eyebrows, "What? JJ, you have a life here—"

"Not anymore I don't," She cut me off, "Since Will left, Henry and I are both just lost. The only thing I'd be leaving behind is the team, and I'm sure they'll be fine. I think that for Henry and I to be okay again, we need to get away from anything that reminds us of Will."

I looked down as I thought out my response. I don't think that she was ready to leave everything she knows, but really, that wasn't my place to intervene. "Well I've still got to pack my place up, pay my lease out, and find a place in Australia. Take a few days to think it over and get back to me." She smiled wide and nodded. "Well I've got to go and tell Hotch that I won't be coming back. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye." She hugged me briefly.

I sat in my car for a few minutes to collect my thoughts before I started my car and headed for the precinct. JJ lived only about ten minutes, but I went the long way to give myself some more time to think of anything I could say to Hotch. I couldn't straight out tell him that I was leaving; he would talk to Derek then, and I don't even know how I'm going to handle him yet.

When I pulled up, I saw Reid and Rossi outside near Rossi's car. I wondered what they were doing, but I tried to pass them without their knowledge. Just when I thought I was safe, Reid called out to me. I cursed to myself quietly as I turned and smiled at them. "Hey."

"What're you doing?" Rossi questioned with narrowed eyes.

"I'm just going up to talk to Hotch, I didn't want to interrupt you." I looked between them. I looked at my watch and lied, "I'm running late; I told him I would be here ten minutes ago. Sorry guys, I'll talk to you after." I got out of there before any more questions could be asked.

The elevator moved slowly, and it was giving my anxiety more time to build. I waved to Garcia and Derek as I walked through the bullpen, and then I knocked on his door and waited for permission to enter. He opened the door, but he was on the phone. He motioned for me to come in and I closed the door quietly behind me before sitting down before his desk. He told whoever was on the phone that he had a meeting and ended the call quickly. He smiled, "Hey, how are you?"

"Good, thank you. You? Jack?"

"Both good. I assume Morgan already spoke to you, so what do you think?"

"I think that I'm not ready, and I don't know when I will be. If you need to find a new agent, then that's—"

"We'll wait for you to be ready; I'm not replacing you."

I sighed as I looked down, "Hotch, I didn't want to do this now but...I don't think I'll be back." I shook my head. He sat straighter and set his eyes on me. "There's something—it's just not a place I can be anymore. I'm sorry."

"Are you okay? Really okay?"

I smiled weakly, "I've got some shit going on that isn't an easy fix, and unfortunately it's making it impossible for me to come back," I took my credentials from my bag and placed them on his desk, pushing them towards him.

He sighed, "Can you tell me what is going on?" I shook my head. "Are you safe?"

I smiled again, "I am, thank you Hotch. Please don't say anything to anyone on the team and _especially_ not Derek; I have no idea what I'm going to tell him. JJ knows, but that's how it'll stay until I can figure out what I'm doing. I'm so sorry." I felt tears prick my eyes, but I blinked them away the best I could. One fell, but I caught it before it fell any further down my cheek.

He watched me for a few seconds before he nodded, "Please call me if you need anything. Whether you're working here or not, you will always be a part of this team, and I need you to remember that Emily."

That did it. I burst into tears and dropped my head into my hands to hide my face the best I could. I couldn't stop myself then. "I lied to you, to everyone, about Wyatt."

"…JJ already told me that he raped you. Don't worry, I left it there; I didn't tell anyone else."

"Of course she did," I lifted my head as I wiped my tears and tried to hold back my sobs, "Did she mention the part where he got me pregnant? Or that I tried to abort it because I don't want to have a serial killer's baby, but I couldn't do it, and now I have to leave because I'm too scared to come clean with Derek. But I don't _want_ to leave, but now it's my only option and I'm _scared_ and _lonely_ and I just want it all to go away." I was shaking as I cried harder and dropped my head again.

I figured he would sit quietly and wait for me to finish crying, but I felt his hands on my arms after a second, and he pulled me to stand and hugged me tightly. I cried into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Emily." He spoke quietly to me.

I came to the realisation of what I had just done, and that now I was sobbing in my boss's arms. I pulled away, grabbed my bag, and ran out of his office immediately, and I didn't stop when Derek called out to me.

I stopped by the closest shopping mall to my house and grabbed a car full of boxes. Once home, I made sure to leave my phone off, I put my music up to a loud volume, and I packed up everything that I could. One box was labelled with Garcia's name; the rest were labelled for charity. By the time I had packed up my apartment and packed the three bags of luggage I'd be taking with me, it was way past midnight. It had taken all day, but it was done. Thank god Derek hadn't come by after work or that would have made for an awkward situation.

I turned my phone on as I walked down to my car and texted JJ as I headed towards her house. I got my emergency key out and unlocked the door as silently as I could. I slept in her spare room, because I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep in my apartment anymore.

* * *

I woke up to Henry jumping on me in giggles. I smiled and hugged him to me tightly, "Too tight!" He complained as he giggled again. I apologised as I let go and he smiled at me, "Mummy is making breakfast." He climbed down and ran out. I got up and walked to their kitchen, seeing JJ in there serving up some bacon and eggs.

"Crashed here, huh?" She smiled.

"My apartment is packed; I couldn't stay there anymore. Sorry." I sat down.

"Don't apologise; you're always welcome. I've made my decision already, by the way. We're coming. I'm going to hand in my resignation after I tell Henry's school, and then coming home to pack everything up. We'll be ready to go when you are."

"We going away!" Henry was bouncing, excited about having a trip away. Clearly he didn't realise that he wouldn't be coming home. I smiled at him and then nodded to JJ.

"…I have to talk to Derek tonight. I'm not sure what I'm going to say yet, but I'm thinking of just saying that I don't love him anymore and I'm leaving."

Her shoulders slumped, "Don't lie to him anymore than you already have, Em. Just tell him that you can't stay here anymore after Wyatt and that you need to leave. You're sorry and you love him but it's what you need to do." She sat across from me.

I shook my head, "No, it won't work. He won't let me leave if I do that. The only way he will let me go is if I tell him that I'm not in love with him anymore and I make it convincing." She sighed and nodded, deciding not to get too involved, I presume.

After breakfast, I showered and got changed. I grabbed my keys and bag at the same time as JJ opened the front door. "Hey…do you think you could come with me? If they're in the round table room or something, I don't want to have to talk about it with everyone or answer a million questions. Could you please come so you can get me out of there?"

I smiled weakly and nodded. I went to JJ's car instead of my own and we went to Henry's school. I went inside with JJ and waited silently as she explained that she and Henry would be moving and that she needed to cancel his enrolment. It was a rather quick process, which I found surprising. Then we were off the precinct.

I carried Henry up until we reached the bullpen, and then I put him down and asked if he could sit quietly at mummy's desk. I got a pencil and paper and put them in front of him. He thanked me and started drawing. I followed JJ up to the conference room where they all sat.

"Where the hell have you been!?" Derek sat straight when we walked in. I took my gun straight from my bag and put it down in front of Hotch, who sighed quietly. "You never told me that you were even _considering_ resigning. What is going on?"

I ignored him and stepped back into the corner as JJ took a deep breath. She put her gun, her credentials, and her formal letter in front of Hotch. He looked up at her, looking completely stunned. I heard Garcia sob and Reid gasp. "Um…Henry and I are going with Em." It was all she could say.

"Going with Em, to _where_?" Derek looked right at me.

She looked over her shoulder to me and apologised, stepping back a bit. I sighed and shook my head, "It's okay. We're going. Tomorrow. I can't handle it here anymore and JJ can't handle being here without Will."

"You didn't think to discuss something like this with your partner?" Derek stood up.

"As of right now, you're not my partner anymore," He went to speak but I cut him off, "Please don't make me spell it out for you. Surely you saw this coming." He raised his eyebrows and waited for an explanation. I let out my signature sigh, "I'm sorry Derek, but I just don't love you anymore." I looked into his eyes. He took a second to process before he turned and walked out quickly, slamming the door closed behind him. I jumped. "God, that felt terrible."

"That's because you _lied_ to him." JJ reminded quietly from my side.

"I had to. Time to go." I walked back out of the round table room and called for Henry. I could hear the team standing up and when I turned around, I saw JJ hugging Hotch first. Henry looked up at me when he reached my side. "Say goodbye." I smiled at the boy. He walked into the room and ran straight to Reid. I watched for only a second before Hotch looked at me, but I didn't want to say goodbye. I didn't want to cry or get emotional. I didn't want to say goodbye, because I knew that it might convince me to stay. This team meant absolutely everything to me, but now I needed to put my baby first. I turned before he could speak or approach me, and I went down to my desk. I took the files on both my desk and JJ's and took them up to Hotch's office. Then I got two boxes from the break room; I put everything from JJ's desk into one box and everything from my desk into the other.

I heard Henry call his last goodbye as he and JJ left the conference room, and I turned to look at them. She smiled at me, and then I saw the team following them out, so I quickly grabbed my bag and went towards the glass doors. Derek walked back in just as I reached them. "I'm so sorry." I said to him quietly.

"I know you lied. I know that you love me. Why are you doing this?"

Tears dripped from my eyes, "I have to. I'm sorry, Derek. I wish there was another way." I shook my head and held my sob back. I saw tears well in his eyes but he blinked them away. I took a breath before I kissed his cheek and continued past him.


	22. Chapter 22

When we arrived in Sydney, Australia, the heat and humidity hit us immediately upon exiting the plane. I groaned quietly to myself; why did I choose such a hot country?

"It's hot!" Henry exclaimed as he took both of our hands. JJ lifted him up when he reached for her and I carried all three of our carry-on bags.

I had already purchased a car that was ready for collection. I had bought us a house; 3 bedrooms, one bathroom. It was rather small and compact. We were moving to a town that was about a six-hour drive away if you didn't include all the stops.

It took us just over an hour to collect our luggage and get out of the airport. There was a cab bay outside and we went to the car dealership that was awaiting our arrival; it was technically only a fifteen-minute drive from the airport, but it took almost an hour with all the traffic. JJ rang Garcia as I pulled out of the lot, following the direction of the GPS. JJ offered to drive, but she'd never driven in the left lane before and I was worried she would be tired and go to the right lane off instinct.

By the time we were out of Sydney's city and inner suburbs, Henry was fast asleep in the back, and JJ was still talking to the team about the flight, the weather, the landscape. A few times she had passed a question from Garcia or Reid on to me, but I didn't reply, I would just shake my head. To be okay here, I needed to separate myself from them; I had never left a family before, and it was harder than I anticipated.

After about an hour into the drive, I pulled over to a gas station and saw that Henry and JJ were both asleep, so I made sure to lock the doors and I ran inside to get an iced coffee. As soon as I got back in the car, my phone started to ring. I looked at the contact and saw Derek's name and photo flash. I declined the call and turned my phone off. JJ woke as I started the car again and she smiled before she sat up properly. "Do you want me to drive for a little while?"

"No, that's okay; it hasn't been very long at all. Go back to sleep." I glanced at her and saw her nod as her eyes closed again. I took her phone from the cup holders between us and plugged it into the car. I put some music on and kept it on a low volume so I wouldn't disturb the two of them.

* * *

Shopping for all our furniture was fun but setting it all up was not. It took us five days to finally finish setting up the house, and now JJ and I were too exhausted to do anything over this weekend. Henry had all these things he wanted to do, but we told him he had to wait.

"I need to find a job." JJ said quietly.

"I think I'll start my own business, work from home. I'm not sure yet."

"That'd be nice." She sat up as Henry ran into the room, heading for her.

My phone rang and I saw Derek's name flash again, so I declined it again. Only a few seconds later, it rang again. This time it was Rossi, and I almost answered even though he was obviously with Derek. I fought the urge to speak with my father figure and turned my phone off. It was only just past midday, so I decided to go out while JJ was too tired to come with me. "I'm going out; do you need anything?"

"No, thanks." She smiled as she hugged Henry close to her.

I went to the closest shopping centre to our place and went into the first phone shop I found. I purchased us both an iPhone and set up a joint phone plan; I got wi-fi included too. We got new phone numbers, of course, and I'd make sure JJ didn't share mine with the team. I dropped my phone into a trash can on my way out and went straight back home.

I gave JJ's new phone to her. "Please do not share my number with any of them." She knew exactly who I was talking about, and I went upstairs to my room before she could reply. I texted Rossi letting him know my new number and then I asked him not to share it with anyone else. Only a few minutes past before my phone rang with his number. I took a deep breath before I accepted the call, "Hey."

"Hey kiddo, how are you?"

I took another breath, "Oh, you know…great. Derek keeps calling me but I can't speak to him, I don't want Garcia, Reid, or Hotch calling me because it will make me sad. It's hot here, I chose the worst country we could have gone to."

He laughed quietly, "You've always preferred the cold; I wondered why you chose Australia. You know, I think it would be good for you to speak to Morgan; I think it would be good for the both of you."

"I can't." I spoke quietly.

He let out a breath, "Okay, well thank you for giving me your number, and I promise that I won't share it with them. Although, I cannot guarantee that Garcia won't track my calls and find it."

I laughed quietly, "Yeah, I bet she will. I need to go."

"I love you, mia caro."

"I love you too."

I didn't know what else to do right now, so I sent a quick text to my mother to let her know my new number, and then I went back downstairs. I desperately wanted a drink, anything alcoholic, but that was definitely off the table now that I was too far along to abort. Instead, I started a list of things we'd need to add to our pantry, other than the simple things we'd picked up on our way home yesterday. I went back into the living room where JJ was playing with Henry. I sat down and watched as he giggled, and she wore an adoring smile. I let my hand fall over my still flat stomach. I felt my eyes sting but I blinked my tears back. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and began looking for a therapist in the area. If I wanted to be okay during this pregnancy and afterwards, I needed to speak with a professional, and I needed to do it very soon.

* * *

My morning sickness was getting worse. When I wasn't helping JJ with building our new PI business, I was hunched over the toilet bowl, or on my knees in the shower. I was losing weight fast, and I needed to go to a doctor today to get some anti-nausea medication. That would be after my therapist appointment.

"Hey, coffee?" JJ asked as I entered the kitchen.

"Please." I sat down on the stool to the counter island as she placed a mug in front of me and poured the coffee. I sipped it and looked at her as she bit her lip. "What?"

"I spoke with Morgan this morning…" She waited for me to say something, but I just sipped my coffee again. "He wants me to tell you that he loves you and he'll wait as long as you ask."

I looked back up to her and raised my eyebrows, "Did you tell him that I'm not coming back?"

"I tried, but he can't accept that right now. He's really struggling…"

I closed my eyes and sighed. If he was struggling enough that he couldn't handle facing that I wouldn't be back, then I needed to talk to him. I don't know what I will say, but I'd call this afternoon.

I ate an apple as I scrolled through my Facebook feed. I had blocked the team and the red cells already; I didn't need them watching me over social media, and I definitely didn't need them messaging me.

I needed to get going, so I drank the rest of my coffee and grabbed my stuff. I called a goodbye to JJ and kissed Henry's hair as I made my way out the door. The heat hit me again as soon as I stepped foot outside. I wondered how long it would be before I got used to the weather here.

* * *

I stared at his contact on JJ's phone. I wouldn't call him on mine, or he'd have my new number. JJ was watching me for a few minutes, but she and Henry had to go out, although I wasn't sure where they were going.

I finally swallowed my fear and pressed the call button. I glanced at the clock as it rang and calculated what time it was in Virginia. It was about 10:30pm, Thursday, over there. A part of me hoped he'd be asleep and I wouldn't have to do this.

"JJ?" Morgan answered the phone, his voice sleepy.

"I woke you, I'm sorry."

"…Emily? Hey, how are you?"

I took a breath, "I'm great…but I hear you're not…"

"Well, I have no closure, no idea what I did or why you left instead of talking to me about it, I—"

"I didn't leave because of you. I almost stayed because of you, but I couldn't do it. After Wyatt, I just couldn't do it anymore."

"You could have spoken with me about it. I could have helped you. I still can!"

"No, Derek. Please, don't make this any worse than it already is. I'm not coming back; I'm cutting myself off."

"That's all you've ever known." I could hear his irritation, but he was more upset than anything else.

"I'm sorry, Derek. I just called to make sure that you knew that I'm not coming back. I _can't_ come back." I heard him take in a breath, and I knew he was crying. It made my feel even worse, and I bit my lip as tears ran down my cheeks. "I really did love you, so much. I'm so sorry." He was silent for a few seconds while he tried to control his breathing; he obviously didn't want me to know that he was crying. I hung up the call before he had a chance to speak again and I put JJ's phone on the table in front of me. I dropped my head into my hands as I sobbed, and then I let my hands slide down to my abdomen. Had I made a mistake? Should I have aborted? Should I have just told Derek? I should have told the team from the beginning, because then maybe I wouldn't have struggled so much, and then I wouldn't have been almost all alone now. I took a deep breath and stood. I started some music to take my mind off it while I started to prepare dinner; JJ would be back soon.


End file.
